Although far from a stereotypical metalhead, I am a fan of various types of music and music cultures to include many hard rock and mainstream metal bands. My interest in this type of music has led me to be fascinated by the names, images, and descriptions of the denizens of hard, fast, heavy, often unintelligible metal. Earlier this week, I found a web site that not only piqued my interest, but actually took from time normally spent at work perusing sports blogs.
Encyclopaedia Metallum is the wikipedia of metal bands, relying on user entries to become the one-stop-shop for all persons metal. The web site divides its entries in three distinct categories: bands by letter, bands by country, and bands by genre. Of course, it has all the mainstream performers such as Metallica, Black Sabbath, and Deep Purple, and the usual categories such as heavy/traditional and speed metal. But it is the depths of triviality that makes the Encyclopedia Metallum so enthralling. Did you know there are metal bands that specialize in German Viking mythology? What about bands who write songs about animals killing people or dentistry?
So in honor of the weird, odd, and demented throughout the Encyclopedia Metallum, here are my personal five favorite entries.
1) Carnivorous Vagina - Scary name. Puts the fear of God in every hetro male. Biggest problem with Carnivorous Vagina, however, is their lack of musical ability, according to an album review.
2) Nembrionic Hammerdeath - Although they have changed their name to just "Nembrionic", Nembrionic Hammerdeath are still banging out the tunes. According to their web site, "after years of being in the underground, Nembrionic still has no ambition to get rich, famous and more of this bullshit ... In 1998 Nembrionic has proven to be on the top of the death metal list with their new opus 'Incomplete'; pure brilliance, which leaves no doubt about their musicianship and songwriting qualties. Their one of the best around." Still tough to figure what a nembrionic hammerdeath is though.
3) Abwhore - No, it is not a person that only works abdominals at the gym. Abwhore is a "blackened gothic metal band" from Atlanta. By the way, how can a band be blackened? Are they fish or chicken? Dumb name, dumb description.
4) Godwaffle - Most metal bands that have "God" in their name are usually something demonic or evil sounding like GodDead or GodKills or NoGod or something like that. Godwaffle? Are you kidding? According to the band's myspace page, they are the Chuck Norris of metal, with such tidbits of insight such as "Godwaffle kidnap babies to raise for the ultimate battle between Heaven and Godwaffle" and "Godwaffle shot Hemmingway in the f**king face". The web site gets weirder, claiming Godwaffle's drummer was murdered by the lead singer and the guitarist, who then framed the bassist for the crime. While the bassist serves life in prison, the two actual culprits are rumored to be successful daycare owners hiding somewhere near Idaho. Ummm, I really don't know what else to say ... moving on ...
5) My personal favorite: Grandma's Vomit - These guys don't look half as serious as the other bands. Maybe that is to their advantage. Grandma's Vomit doesn't sound that imposing. After all, isn't tossing Grandma's cookies only a step away from eating Grandma's cookies, and who doesn't love those?
Encyclopaedia Metallum is the wikipedia of metal bands, relying on user entries to become the one-stop-shop for all persons metal. The web site divides its entries in three distinct categories: bands by letter, bands by country, and bands by genre. Of course, it has all the mainstream performers such as Metallica, Black Sabbath, and Deep Purple, and the usual categories such as heavy/traditional and speed metal. But it is the depths of triviality that makes the Encyclopedia Metallum so enthralling. Did you know there are metal bands that specialize in German Viking mythology? What about bands who write songs about animals killing people or dentistry?
So in honor of the weird, odd, and demented throughout the Encyclopedia Metallum, here are my personal five favorite entries.
1) Carnivorous Vagina - Scary name. Puts the fear of God in every hetro male. Biggest problem with Carnivorous Vagina, however, is their lack of musical ability, according to an album review.
2) Nembrionic Hammerdeath - Although they have changed their name to just "Nembrionic", Nembrionic Hammerdeath are still banging out the tunes. According to their web site, "after years of being in the underground, Nembrionic still has no ambition to get rich, famous and more of this bullshit ... In 1998 Nembrionic has proven to be on the top of the death metal list with their new opus 'Incomplete'; pure brilliance, which leaves no doubt about their musicianship and songwriting qualties. Their one of the best around." Still tough to figure what a nembrionic hammerdeath is though.
3) Abwhore - No, it is not a person that only works abdominals at the gym. Abwhore is a "blackened gothic metal band" from Atlanta. By the way, how can a band be blackened? Are they fish or chicken? Dumb name, dumb description.
4) Godwaffle - Most metal bands that have "God" in their name are usually something demonic or evil sounding like GodDead or GodKills or NoGod or something like that. Godwaffle? Are you kidding? According to the band's myspace page, they are the Chuck Norris of metal, with such tidbits of insight such as "Godwaffle kidnap babies to raise for the ultimate battle between Heaven and Godwaffle" and "Godwaffle shot Hemmingway in the f**king face". The web site gets weirder, claiming Godwaffle's drummer was murdered by the lead singer and the guitarist, who then framed the bassist for the crime. While the bassist serves life in prison, the two actual culprits are rumored to be successful daycare owners hiding somewhere near Idaho. Ummm, I really don't know what else to say ... moving on ...
5) My personal favorite: Grandma's Vomit - These guys don't look half as serious as the other bands. Maybe that is to their advantage. Grandma's Vomit doesn't sound that imposing. After all, isn't tossing Grandma's cookies only a step away from eating Grandma's cookies, and who doesn't love those?
