Friday, February 26, 2021

Not So Serious Movie Review: Track of the Moon Beast (1976)

Tonight's cinematic misadventure was Track of the Moon Beast (1976), a low budget horror about a dude who gets a piece of moon rock stuck in his head and turns into a giant lizard. The movie stars no one of any significance, although somewhere someone is proud of their grandfather for being in this.

As mentioned, the movie is about a guy, a loner who lives his mom, who enjoys stalking around the desert. He meets this photographer lady who falls in love with him in a few hours. They go to a cliff to watch a meteor shower and a piece of moon rock lands on Earth. A shard of this moon rock lands in this guy's head. After a few days of headaches, he merges with his pet iguana and becomes a giant lizard man. Giant lizard man then torments the town before getting shot with an arrow by a Native American professor.

This movie is listed as one of the dumbest movies of all-time and rightfully so. The character development is weak, the monster is a guy in a rubber suit, and pretty much all the dialogue is awkward and stilted.

Grade: 1 moon rock stars out of 5 

Monday, February 22, 2021

Not So Serious Movie Review: Best Defense (1984)

Tonight's cinematic misadventure was Best Defense (1984). This war comedy starred Dudley Moore and Eddie Murphy, enough comic firepower to topple the Soviets, pummel the Iraqis, and crush the Vietnamese.

Except, like the tank in the movie, it misfires. Badly. There has to be a good story behind how bad this movie is. Someone needs to tell the tale of why this was two completely different movies, weaved together through a really bad plot. While Moore plays an engineer designing tank parts in 1982, Murphy plays a tank commander in 1984 whose life depends on Moore's part. Along the way, however, is bumbling, stumbling, spying, espionage, murder, and more than enough sexual innuendos and racial stereotypes.

This movie could have been decent. As a matter of fact, it probably should be completely rebooted. The idea of a bumbling engineer who makes a part that saves a military unit might not be too bad. But trying to weave it into two comedies and filling the plot with side stories and bad jokes makes Best Defense downright offensive. 

Grade: 2 bad shots of 5.

Saturday, February 20, 2021

Not So Serious Movie Review: The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

Tonight's cinematic misadventure was The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961) starring Tor Johnson and other people who don't really matter outside of IMDB.

The Beast of Yucca Flats is a bad movie watcher's mecca. It is so atrociously unwatchable it needs to be watched. There is a plot, at least, but even that is flimsy at best. There is very little dialogue, so the movie has that going for it. But it has a narrator. The movie is completely tell, rather than show.

As far as the plot, Tor Johnson plays a Soviet scientist - at least I think he is Soviet - on the run in the Yucca Flats. An atomic bomb explodes and Johnson turns into a lumbering beast, think George The Animal Steele meets Freddy Krueger without the cool parts of either of those characters.

The beast kills a few uninterested people - if I was in this movie I would uninterested as well. The police hunt him down. As I said, its bad. Even for low budget 1960s b-movies, its bad.

Grade: 1 beastly star out of 5.


Thursday, February 18, 2021

Not So Serious Movie Review: Bill and Ted Face the Music (2020)

Tonight's cinematic adventure was the final Bill and Ted movie, Bill and Ted Face the Music. Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter return to the roles they played over 20 years ago to save all existence and to prevent time and space from breaking apart.

I went in with limited expectations. I was pleasantly surprised. Bill and Ted Face the Music was fun. They did a good job bring back old characters and integrating new characters, even if the Missy situation got a little weird, but I think that was the point.

I definitely liked how they brought in different musical characters, although I was curious how they selected who they selected (Kid Cudi, really?) or how they made up other characters. 

Overall, it was another excellent adventure.

5 excellent stars out of 5