Discussing the FSU campus shooting with ABC Action News Tampa

I had the distinct honor and privilege to talk with ABC Action News Tampa about the unfortunate and tragic shooting on the Florida State campus. 

Back in November 2014, I wrote about the previous shooting on campus. Ten years later, we had another. That's two too many.

 

 

 

 

Revisiting the 2002 Florida State Seminoles

 

While exploring through stacks of old VHS tapes, I have been discovering some gems. Back in the early 2000s, I taped a lot of shows, especially national shows that had something to do with Florida State University. I already posted here about the binge drinking show that focused on Florida State students. My most recent find is a 2002 ESPN broadcast about the Florida State Seminoles football team.

2002 was an interesting year. FSU was a few years removed from their national championship. A few of their experienced coaches left. A lot of the high caliber talent was gone. By 2002, they were attempting to rebuild. Unfortunately, the coaching wasn't as good and neither were the players.

This 2002 show was a blast from the past. I was a student at FSU and went to most, if not all of the home games in this show. I remember the Notre Dame visit to Tallahassee well. That was ESPN College Gameday's first visit to Tallahassee in a long time. The day before the game I got longtime broadcaster Lee Corso's autograph on an FSU campus map. After I got his autograph, he asked for another copy of the map to find his way around campus. I still have my signed map.

After the game the next day, my roommate, a friend, and I were swarmed after by the Irish fans after the Notre Dame victory. Many of them didn't have nice things to say about Corso, an FSU alumnus. If I remember right, one Irish fan threatened Lee Corso and called him a "pygmy". My friends and I had to leave as it was getting a little hostile.

The whole video is full of great memories. Even the commercials. Check it out.

FSU Football 2002 ESPN Show from JordiScrubbings on Vimeo.

The Tallahassee bar scene when FSU was a top party school

Hard to believe 20 years has past since I was a college student. Those days seem so long ago. Days of classes on the weekdays and football games on the weekend. Nights of college bars and local bands and drinking. A lot of drinking.

From 1995 to 2005, Florida State University was regarded as one of the best party schools in the country. Florida State and partying went together like lamb and tuna fish, peanut butter and jelly, and spaghetti and meatballs. The party scene was so insane, it spawned the career of comedian Bert Kreischer, whose entire schtick early in his career was drinking and partying. It also spawned the band Creed, but that's an article for another day.

I arrived at Florida State in 1999. After a year of hanging out in the dorms, by my second year I was part of the bar scene in Tallahassee. Looking back, I am not sure how I survived the debauchery. Drinking and going out was one of my main hobbies.

Another one of my hobbies was recording any show that featured Florida State. I left college with several VHS tapes of FSU-related shows, from WWF events in Tallahassee to a show that ranked FSU as one of the most progressive protest schools in the country. But the highlight of my video collection was a 2002 MSNBC investigation on college drinking that featured Florida State in more than half the show.

A few months ago, I finally digitized my VHS collection. This weekend, I finally uploaded the FSU college drinking show on Vimeo. I would have put it on youtube as well, but it is too long. Maybe if I get 1,000 subscribers to my youtube I will put it there too.

So without further ado, not that intended to ado, but if I did ado, I will ado no further. Here is MSNBC Investigates: College Drinking.

College drinking 2002 - Florida State, etc from JordiScrubbings on Vimeo.

Curveball at the Crossroads in the FSView

 

Tallahassee Talent Promoted to the Big Leagues - Kani Schram, FSView, 10/2/2022

Since publishing Curveball at the Crossroads, I have had the honor of some great reviews and write-ups. People have compared me to WP Kinsella, Christopher Moore, and other fantastic authors. It is all very humbling and very special.

But no review has been more special than my most recent in the FSView and Florida Flambeau. The FSView and Florida Flambeau is the campus paper of my alma mater, Florida State University. It is also the newspaper where I got my start twenty years ago. It was the first place I saw my name in print.

For those curious, I have reprinted some of my old FSView articles here under the tag "The FSView Collection". Since the FSView's website doesn't have a good archive, I figure I am not breaking any copyright laws reposting my own stuff.

The FSView has always had a soft spot in my heart. Once the Florida Flambeau, the paper merged with the FSView in the 1990s and became the FSView and Florida Flambeau. The paper has a history of speaking truth to power, taking on the campus powers-that-be on several occasions. Even though I wrote for the Lifestyles section, I always kept the history of the paper in mind, especially if I had the chance to write about less popular groups, clubs, or people.

But to now be written about in the paper? That's awesome.

I want to thank writer Kani Schram. She is a freshman writer for the FSView and even though she is in the beginning of her writing career, she did a great job with the article on me. I was very impressed and I hope to read her work again as she continues to bigger things.

I don't know how many FSView alumni have continued writing. I don't know how many have been written about in the same paper that they got their start. It is an awesome feeling. Among all my reviews, this might be one of my favorite.

Signing Curveball at the Crossroads at Midtown Reader in Tallahassee, FL, FEB 19, 2022

Years ago, I was a fledgling young writer for the FSView & Florida Flambeau and a Creative Writing major at Florida State University. Although I wrote hundreds of articles on a wide array of subjects, and even had my own column for a few semesters, I always got excited to see my name in print. It was always a great feeling to know other people were reading my words. 

I credit my time in Tallahassee for giving me the confidence to write and keep writing. My time in Tallahassee gave me a writing bug that continued after I got my first fulltime job. I started blogging, which turned into freelancing, which eventually turned into a few books, including my first novel, Curveball at the Crossroads.

So I am super excited to share that I will be signing copies of my debut novel Curveball at the Crossroads at Midtown Reader in Tallahassee, FL on Sat, Feb 19 at 2:30pm! Sharing my writing back where my writing started.

Hope to see y'all there!

Curveball at the Crossroads mentioned in FSU Alumni Magazine

 

Curveball at the Crossroads was mentioned in Vires, the Florida State Alumni magazine. The entry for the book was directly under the latest news of Oscar-winner and Academy Award nominee Barry Jenkins.
FSU Class of 2003 doing great things and telling great stories.

Shoutout from the FSU Creative Writing Department

 

 

I am a graduate of the Florida State University Creative Writing Department. A few days ago, the department gave me and my book a shout-out on twitter!

School's Out Forever

Has it really been 17 years since I graduated from FSU with my undergraduate degree? Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday I was throwing huge graduation parties, sleeping all day, gallivanting all night, and enjoying the fact that for nearly a week I had a keg of Yuengling residing in my tub.

Ok, so not much has changed.

Although I didn't exactly hit the real world until three years later, after two years of grad school followed by six months of unemployment, there is a certain innocence to this, my final article written as an undergraduate student for the FSView and Florida Flambeau.

Enjoy.

During my college career at Florida State University, I would estimate I visited about 90 percent of all the popular college bars and clubs in town. Bullwinkle’s, Sloppy Joe’s, Chubby’s, the Irish Pub and the Leon Pub – you name it, I’ve probably been there at least once. Even with all the good times and the large amount of money spent, none of these establishments ever served me a stronger shot than the one I was given at the Leon County Civic Center on May 2nd, 2003.

That night, as I crossed the graduation stage, flipped my tassel and shook President Wetherell’s hand, I was given a “dose of reality.” It is one tough drink to swallow.

True, I knew I wasn’t going to find a job immediately after the semester, but not counting my position here at the FSView & Florida Flambeau, I am now unemployed. Unemployment office, here I come.

Even though it has only been three weeks since I graduated, I feel more and more like Matthew McConaughey’s character in the movie “Dazed and Confused.” You know, the guy who is still hanging around, saying dumb things and acting like he is still in high school. Yeah, that’s me, only on a college level.

Almost overnight, the bars and clubs I used to frequent became “my old college hangouts.” I hope I still resemble a college student in some way, shape or form. I have an eerie fear of being seen as one of those obviously out-of-place older people trying to get their boogie on at Big Daddy’s or Bullwinkle’s. You know who they are.

Like the places I go, most of the people I know have also changed recently. They are all now just “college kids” who don’t know what its like in “the real world.” It’s tough. Trust me. I haven’t got up earlier than 11 a.m. in three weeks.

The next time I hear one of these “college kids” say, “I can’t wait until I graduate.” I am going to quickly grab their cheeks like Adam Sandler did to the chubby third grader in Billy Madison and dole out the same dire warning – “Don’t ever say that.”

There is a lot I am going to miss about college. Studying all night, for example. Nothing beat walking into a classroom after having two hours of sleep the night before, knowing the test I was about to take was 50 percent of my grade.

Now before anyone labels me a procrastinator, keep in mind I was the victim of a vast conspiracy while here at Florida State. Before every semester, my professors, despite being complete strangers from often different departments, would met over coffee and schedule all my tests and papers for the same week. I know it’s true.

Despite my professors’ dubious plans, I managed to graduate with a 3.5 G.P.A. Pretty good, considering my high school G.P.A. was only 2.6. I haven’t met anyone yet with such a large increase. I guess that’s something to be proud of.

But my proudest accomplishment during my time at Florida State University has nothing to do with grades. Thanks to the help and support of many people, including President Wetherell, my idea of erecting a flagpole with an American flag and a POW/MIA flag at the Scott Speicher Tennis Center came to fruition. Although it doesn’t contribute directly to the effort of finding the missing Navy pilot and FSU alum, hopefully this flagpole and the flags it bears will remind people of the plight of Lt. Cmdr. Speicher and the many other service members whose whereabouts are unknown.

Thank you again to all that helped and supported me.

7 Reasons FSU Football is like the Star Wars Original Trilogy

In 1977, George Lucas gave the world Star Wars.

In 1976, Bobby Bowden took the reigns of Florida State Football.

On the surface, these two incidents a year apart don't have much in common. However, 40+ years later, they have more similarities than one might think.

Here are seven ways FSU Football is a lot like the Star Wars original trilogy.

People remember glory episodes from yesteryear.

FSU fans can't forget the glory years of FSU football. They are the golden standard from which every season is measured. The Bowden glory years are full of myth and legends, comebacks and trick plays, triumphs, tragedies, and great stories.

Likewise, the original Star Wars trilogy looms large in the fanbase's collective memories. They set the impression of the galaxy far, far away. They are also the standard from which every later story is measured. The original trilogy is full of myths and legends, comebacks and tricks, triumphs, tragedies, and great stories.

2000s were mismanaged by the creator.

The 2000s were not nice to Star Wars or FSU Football. From 1999 to 2005, George Lucas was the single mind behind the Prequel Trilogy, an over-the-top bonanza full of special effect and some of the worst dialogue in a major film ever. It wasn't until George Lucas gave the reigns of the Clone Wars cartoon to director Dave Filoni did high quality work again came out of Lucasfilm.

Meanwhile in Tallahassee, FSU Football was slipping from the Bowden Regime. The competition had caught up with FSU and Bobby Bowden seemed unable to catch up with the changing college game. It wasn't until the hiring of offensive coordinator and head coach-in-waiting Jimbo Fisher that high quality coaching again came out of Tallahassee.

There are a lot of old financially influential fans.

This reason goes hand-in-hand with remembrance of the glory years. Fans who remember the peak stories of both Star Wars and FSU Football are typically older and typically have more money to spend. Organizations such as the Seminole Boosters and Disney marketing do not want to turn away money, so they cater to these fans often by appealing to their sense of nostalgia.

For FSU, catering to money means being beholden to financial donations. When FSU Football doesn't perform well on the field, the inclination of boosters is to donate less. With less money coming in, FSU Football feels the need to make decisions that will get boosters to give again, whether creating new experiences at the stadium or buying out under-performing members of the coaching staff.

The Star Wars community also has many influential fans who can affect revenue streams. Fans will pay big money for conventions or opportunities to relive their childhood. Younger fans unfortunately do not have as much money, even if the PG-rated Star Wars was originally created with them in mind. If affluent fans do not get what they want, they do not spend their money.

There is also a saying that no one hates Star Wars more than Star Wars fans. Subsections of the Star Wars fanbase have made money complaining about Star Wars. These fans have influence among similar-minded fans. If those fans make enough noise, Star Wars writers and directors might be prone to cater to their whims, however much they deny it.

1st sequel did very well but had underlying flaws.

After the prequel trilogy, fans wondered if Star Wars could ever regain its former glory. New director JJ Abrams had pedigree and experience on big budget moveis but it was unsure if he could handle the reigns of Star Wars.

After the Bobby Bowden years, fans wondered if FSU Football could ever regain its former glory. New coach Jimbo Fisher had pedigree and experience on winning teams but it was unsure if he could handle the reigns.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens reinvigorated the Star Wars fanbase and was a success in the box office. Despite its success, the storyline had major flaws that made following episodes difficult.

Similarly, Jimbo Fisher led the FSU Football team to glory in 2013, reinvigorating the fanbase. Despite its success, Fisher's teams had underlying problems in discipline and academia - problems that would make follow-up seasons difficult.

2nd sequel was a major bust.

Following Jimbo Fisher's departure, the FSU Football program went in a different direction, hiring a coach with a new philosophy. Coach Willie Taggart decided to focus on new aspects of FSU Football lore, unfortunately the results were not there. Taggart was wildly criticized and he was removed from his position during his second season.

Following JJ Abrams departure from Star Wars, Lucasfilm hired a director with a new philosophy. Rian Johnson took the Star Wars story in a different direction, focusing on new aspects of Star Wars lore. While The Last Jedi did well in the box office, Johnson was wildly criticized and he was removed from his position.

People hope 3rd sequel can get story back on track.

After removing Willie Taggart, FSU Football hoped to reassure fans that the program is still in good hands, hiring Head Coach Mike Norvell to wide optimism.

After the departure of Rian Johnson, director JJ Abrams returned to the helm for The Rise of Skywalker, a movie that reversed many of Johnson's original ideas. While The Rise of Skywalker had its flaws, many fans generally considered it a positive conclusion to the Skywalker Saga. 

If you are tired of the drama, there are a lot of other stories/sports that don't get the hype, but are more fun to watch and often have better endings.

For over 20 years, Star Wars fans have debated the Skywalker Saga - what worked, what didn't, and how each storyteller handled the mythology. The Skywalker Saga remains the biggest money maker for Lucasfilm. But beyond the Skywalker Saga is a world of great stories, from cartoons to books to streaming shows that are often better told. In these stories the creators are not beholden to mythos of the Skywalker Saga and they are free to create new and exciting characters and storylines.

For over 20 years, FSU sports fans have debated the direction of FSU Football - what worked, what didn't, and how each head coach handled the program. FSU Football remains the biggest money maker for FSU Athletics and the Seminole Boosters. But beyond FSU Football is a world of great Seminole athletics, from FSU Basketball - mens and womens - to FSU Softball to FSU Track and Field - all of which have won championships or competed against the best competition. These teams are not beholden to the drama and mythos of FSU Football and they are free to create new and exciting FSU Sports legends and stories.

Excellent interview with fellow FSView Alumni Khuong Phan

Years ago, I wrote for the FSView and Florida Flambeau, the unofficial newspaper of Florida State University. Writing for the FSView was an awesome experience as it got me really into writing for purpose and introduced me to great people, both in the community and in the FSView office.

One of the people I had the pleasure of working with was Khuong Phan. Khuong was one of my editors and was a great person to work for. While I explored the outsider communities, Khuong often wrote about his family or his fraternity - and not the stereotypical frat dude way. He wrote in a very humanistic style that made you relate and grow with him.

After graduating, Khuong went on to write for local newspapers and then moved to New York City and Los Angeles to do public relations for the food industry. He has made a great career of writing about food, chefs, and restaurants. Recently, he was interviewed for the website CulinaryAgents.com. It is a great interview that provides insight into Khuong's life and career lessons.

Of his many answers, this was my favorite:

Don’t simply chase money or title. I promise you that if you do something well enough for a long enough time, both of those things will come your way. Instead aim for the opportunities that will provide you the strongest connections, access to the people you admire and the experiences you find most fulfilling. These things really pay off in a major way down the line. Your career is a long arc, so play the long game.

This answer is so good and so Khuong.

On the field at Doak Campbell Stadium at Florida State University

When I was a student at Florida State, one of my biggest aspirations was to go on the football field at Doak Campbell Stadium. I knew the right people, but I never took advantage of the opportunity. I even worked in the administrative offices surrounding the stadium and used to nap between classes in the bleachers. But I never made my way down to field level.

That changed in 2016.

In April, as part of the Tampa Bay Seminole Club, I was allowed to tour the new Stadium Club wing of Doak Campbell Stadium. The area was under construction, so hardhats were required, but we were allowed on the field to look up at the new level to get "the big picture". Although we were there to look at the construction, I couldn't help but to get a few pictures of myself with the other side of the stadium - the completed side - in the background.

Finally.

A few months later, in the end of November, I was given an even greater opportunity: to be on the field with the Tampa Bay Seminole Club before kickoff of Florida State versus Florida - the biggest rivalry game of the year. I couldn't turn that down.

The reason we were invited to be on the field before kick off was to present our very generous contribution to the FSU Care Program - an FSU scholarship and life mentor program that assists underprivileged high school students, many from broken homes, with the opportunity to go to college. It is a big deal and has helped a lot of kids do great things at Florida State.

Needless to say, our presence on the field was small potatoes compared to the impact our donation to the CARE Program will have. But it was cool for us to be on the field in front of thousands of FSU fans, alumni, and students applauding us for our actions.

And, on top of being on the field, we were also shown on the jumbotron. Definitely one of the most memorable FSU-related experiences I have ever had. It's going to be tough to top that.

The problem with student loans and poor guidance

There were two very interesting, very different stories about college graduates written last week.

The first, written in the FSView & Florida Flambeau (which I used to write for), tells the story of recent FSU grad Giovanni Rocco. According to the FSView, Rocco is the poster child for the horrible plague of student loans and increasing college costs. The FSView writes that Rocco now owes $42,000 for a dual degree in Political Science and Communications.

The same day, NBCNews.com posted an article on Michael Vaudreuil, a 54-year old father of three who graduated after working as a janitor at Worchester Polytechnic University for eight years. According to NBCNews, Vaudreuil graduated with a Bachelor's of Science in mechanical engineering with a minor in psychology. He took advantage of the university's policy of free tuition for employees and completed one to two classes per semester.

In the big picture, this is what is wrong with our university systems. They push the idea that students have to complete undergrad programs in 4 to 5 years and that they have to do these programs immediately after high school.

College administrations need to do better.

Yes, college costs have risen. Yes, student loan rates have risen. But students make their schedule. Vaudreuil took an adult approach to his education. He saw his resources and applied them to his situation, figuring as long as he maintained the course, he would reach his goals.

I don't mean to pick on a younger Seminole, but Rocco did everything college students shouldn't do.

• He knew he didn't have the funds, but took loans anyway.


• He majored in a program that leads to low paying entry level jobs.


• He participated in student clubs instead of working.

“I decided that it was more important for me to get a quality education and not focus so much on how to pay for it,” Rocco says. “If you’re only thinking about how to pay for it and not what you’re going to get from it, that might cheat you out of a good opportunity.”

This is what college students need to be talked out of. Opportunities are great, but maturity means balancing opportunities with cost.  The typical student is already facing enough learning experiences in college. They are learning their capacities in social relationships, academics, group involvement, and time management. They should not be left to flounder in financial management.

By the simple fact they barely out of their teen years, most college students do not think about long-term risks. Most also don't think about long-term financials. They need to be given better information on how their debt will grow. They should also be given realistic plans that incorporate not only their academic needs, but also their financial budget. College student loan counselors need to work better with academic advisors in crafted plans for each individual student.

And if the case calls, counselors need to tell kids to stop taking on debt. Even if that means delaying their education.

Of course, Vaudreuil faces his own challenges now. According to US News, people over 50 face increase challenges finding new employment. The workforce is getting younger, faster, and more fluid and Vaudreuil needs to compete with his new skills against many young workers half his age. As a mechanical engineer, he might never make senior management. Time might have passed him by for a lengthy career in the field.

But he is still debt free. And in the big picture of taking care of his family, an entry level job in mechanical engineering should pay more than his current job as a janitor. In the long run, he and his family can look forward to improving their status in life.

Meanwhile, Rocco will be saddled with debt for most of his working life. He will struggle to pay off the balance as the interest on his loans begins to accumulate. When he buys a house or a new car, his personal debt will continue to grow.

From an employers' perspective, the fact that these two stories are public, we can make some judgement on the personal traits of each. Hiring managers will look up Rocco's name and read about a student that while intelligent, made poor financial decisions and didn't think long-term. He might also be more likely to jump to higher paying opportunities sooner, turning off hiring managers at organizations that might not pay as much.

For Vaudreuil, hiring managers will see someone with determination. The right company will see someone they can plug right into their corporation and get maturity and someone who plots a goal, understands the risks, and is dedicated.

As someone who enlisted in the military so I could get the GI Bill to pay for college, re-enlisted in the National Guard to pay for my first graduate degree, then put aside money made in Afghanistan to pay for my second master's degree, trust me, there is nothing wrong with taking your time to get through college.

If college takes 10 years to graduate, then it takes 10 years. A career path is not a race.

Florida State's epic April Fool's joke

On April 1st, Florida State University and the University of Florida played an epic April Fool's joke. With the coordination of both university presidents, the schools announced the creation of a merged "super university".

The FSView (who I wrote for years ago) had a great article about the fake merger. According to the FSView:

The exact date for the merger and the relocation are still unknown, but a source close to the situation tells the FSView “it should be take about 27 weeks and two days, but no longer than 4-8 months.”

My reaction when I heard the news that I would be an alumnus of the same school as Tim Tebow:



Not to put a damper on the great joke, but the proposed location of the FSUUF super university was listed as Perry, FL, a quaint little town between the two current universities.

When I think of Perry, I don't think of sleepy Florida town along Highway 19. I remember a place where Al Sharpton and other leaders of the African-American community converged to protest a local bar that discriminated against an African-American state politician from Maryland.

According to a 2001 Orlando Sentinel article,

Florida Attorney General Bob Butterworth leveled charges of racism this week against a bar owner who was accused of forcing a black patron through a back door and into a back room before serving him.

I remember this being a medium-sized deal in North Florida while I was at Florida State. It made the news for a few weeks. Especially because Al Sharpton got involved.

I used to drive through Perry on Highway 19/98 on my trips to see family.  After the incident, I made it a point not to stop in town for gas or food. Sometimes I would blast Rage Against the Machine songs at top volume. That was my contribution to fighting racism in Perry.

Being how hyper-aware college students are of social issues, I can imagine this incident being dug up and amplified if the two colleges were really to merge. Thank goodness that is not the case.

Culture and Traditions of Tallahassee, Florida Bars in 2001

(Here is a paper I wrote in 2001 for a folklore class. I guess the line between folklore and anthropology isn't that large. Warning: this report is over 3,000 words. I researched those bars quite well.)

In 1999, Florida State University was voted number one party college in America by Princeton Review (1). Much of the credit for this dubious distinction goes to the bars and pubs of Tallahassee, Florida, Florida State’s home. Tallahassee has a plethora of drinking establishments, many of which are a short walk from the university campus.

A majority of these drinking establishments are located on Tennessee Street. The “Tennessee Strip” is home to such bars as Bullwinkle’s, Fatty and Skinny’s, and Ken’s, to name a few. In the 35 plus years that students have been enjoying themselves on the “Strip”, as well as at other locations throughout Tallahassee, several traditions have developed.

One of the more famous of these traditions is the “Tennessee Waltz”, named after the Official State Song of Tennessee (2). Culturally Florida.com defines the Tennessee Waltz as visiting the Tallahassee bar scene on weekends the Florida State Seminoles play their home football games (3). To those who frequent the “Strip” however, it has a quite different meaning.

According to Emily George, a senior at Florida State, the “Tennessee Waltz” is a rite of passage for Tallahassee residents who celebrate their 21st birthday. After “warming up” with a “pre-party” celebration, the birthday person, along with his or her friends, go to Bullwinkle’s. There the birthday person receives a birthday sticker to wear on their chest. The benefit of wearing this sticker is that every bar on Tennessee Street gives the birthday celebrator a free beer or other drink with valid proof of ID. The “Waltz” concludes when the birthday celebrator has either visited all of the eight bars on the “Tennessee Strip” or they have gotten sick from the over consumption of alcohol.

Over time students have added traditions to the “Tennessee Waltz.” For example, when a member of a group of girls turns 21, the entire group dresses up in a certain theme. Some of the more popular themes include Hawaiian, Cowboy, or 1980s-retro attire. The birthday girl is usually designated by a crown, boa, or tiara (4). So famous has the “Tallahassee Waltz” become, it has been mentioned in Sports Illustrated (5) and on the Florida State University website (6).

The “Tennessee Waltz” is the only major drinking tradition in Tallahassee that involves more than one establishment. Many places have their own traditions and nuances that distinguish them from the rest. What follows is a journalistic report of visits and interviews conducted by the author.

October 20, 2001 Indian Harbor Beach/ Sebastian Beach, FL

I started my study on Tallahassee bar traditions not in Tallahassee, but in Indian Harbor Beach, Florida, home of Poor Paul’s Pourhouse. This bar shares its name with one of the many on Tallahassee’s famed Tennessee Street. I was curious to know whether there was any connection between the two bars other than their name. There was also a Seminole football game that night so I figured where better to watch the game than a place that would be full of fellow Seminole fans.

Poor Paul’s is a typical sports bar with televisions mounted around the bar and a large screen television in the middle of the establishment. There was a large array of Florida State paraphernalia posted around the bar.

As I watched the game I noticed whenever a customer purchased a pitcher of beer the bartender would spin the bargain wheel. The bargain wheel was a solid wooden wheel mounted on a post by the bar. Similar to the concept of the wheel of fortune, the wheel had notches on it and it was divided into several colored sections (red, blue, yellow, black, etc). The customer “called” his or her color as the bartender spun the wheel. If the wheel stopped on the customer’s color, he or she would receive a free pitcher of the beer of their choice.

After the Seminoles won the game and the crowd left I had a chance to interview the bartender, Dave Brooks. Dave had tended bar for 18 years starting in Simsbury, Connecticut. He informed me that Poor Paul’s had been opened in 1999 and is frequented by all genders mostly of age 25 and up (7).

Dave also told me of Poor Paul’s special theme days. On Wednesday nights, the Poor Paul’s NASCAR club meets. Saturday brings together the Brevard County Seminole Club, a member of both Seminole Boosters, Inc and the Alumni Association. It is headed by Brendan McCarthy and conducts such activities as an annual golf tournament and gives away a $1000 scholarship (8).

When I asked Dave about any association between the Poor Paul’s Pourhouse of Indian Harbor Beach and its namesake in Tallahassee, he told me that although the name is not trademarked and can be used freely, the owner of the Tallahassee bar disapproves of the use of the name elsewhere. An interesting side note to the situation is that the owner of the Indian Harbor Beach Poor Paul’s also owns a neighboring bar named the Purple Porpoise, the namesake of which is in Gainesville, Florida, home of the Florida Gators. The use of this name is approved by the Gainesville bar owner (7).

After thanking Dave for his time and leaving Poor Paul’s Poorhouse I headed down SR A1A to the Sebastian Beach Inn. This is a small little beach bar that frequently showcases live music. When I arrived, there were approximately 20 people there. As the night progressed and the band finished their set, I was able to interview the bartender, Eddie.

Eddie had worked bar for 34 years learning on the job at a bar named Badlands in Ohio. He told me the Sebastian Beach Inn had been opened for over 25 years and that it was primarily a blues and reggae bar. Although he claimed the bar was patroned by people of all ages and ethnicities, I only saw middle aged white people there. Also of note was that the Sebastian Beach Inn was along the Poker Run of motorcyclists in the local area. When I inquired about this tradition, Eddie introduced me to a man sitting at the bar named Ted. Ted was a local biker with both the Independence Chapter of Brevard and the Harley Owner’s Group (HOG) (9).

According to Ted, a Poker Run is a charitable benefit drive in which each biker puts in an entry fee of $10. This fee enables the biker to acquire a playing card from each participating establishment. The biker with the best hand after the run is over receives half of the benefit money (10). Once I finished talking to Ted, I called it a night, returning to Tallahassee the next day to further my research.

November 13, 2001 Tallahassee, FL

The first Tallahassee bar I researched was Fatty and Skinny’s, located on Tennessee Street. Fatty and Skinny’s is an Irish pub with a large array of imported beers for the customers to choose from. While there I interviewed the bartender, a college age girl named Jenine.

Jenine told me Fatty and Skinny’s had been opened for about 10 years and its main patrons were men of various ethnicities over the age of 21 (11). Besides its theme and its product array, Fatty and Skinny’s was mostly devoid of recognized tradition.

After interviewing Jenine, I met a man who claimed to be a founding member of the famous rock and roll band the Eagles. He introduced himself as Randy Meisner and continued on about how he was taking a Greyhound bus to Tempe, Arizona to go to Lake Tahoe with 70’s singer/ songwriter Jackson Browne (12). A week later I did research on Mr. Meisner, who was indeed a member of the Eagles. However, the man at Fatty and Skinny’s claimed to be 63. Randy Meisner is 55 years of age. I also read an online article about an imposter in Atlanta claiming to be the classic rock band’s bass player. Was the individual I met really Randy Meisner? Or merely an imposter?

While congratulating myself on meeting a rock legend (?) I walked down Tennessee Street to Ken’s.

Ken’s is the oldest bar on Tennessee Street, having opened in 1966. It is a beer/ country bar catering primarily to the Greek (fraternity and sorority) community of Florida State. Inside Ken’s is a pool table and several dart boards. I talked to Carl Ots, who had worked bar at Ken’s for three years. He claimed to have learned how to tend bar by being an alcoholic. He also told me the hardest part of his job is dealing with a possibly unruly crowd.

Carl told me of the many traditions associated with Ken’s. The bar has held an annual charity golf tournament for the Shriners since 1995. During the tournament, the golfers traditionally drink a beer per hole.

Another tradition at Ken’s is the Mugs Club. The Mugs Club is an original traditional at Ken’s, having been done since its opening in 1966. In order to join the Mugs Club and have a mug posted behind the bar, an organization must stay at Ken’s from open to close for 2 days. This is a variation of the original tradition that was a Sunday to Tuesday camp out outside of Ken’s. This tradition was changed due to liability concerns.

The bartenders at Ken’s have their own traditions. Behind the bar, they give free beer to any girl who gives the bartender her bra. Outside of the bar, they annually make a trip to Biloxi, Mississippi for a weekend of fun. They even have their own identity, the Hondo Club. In order to join the Hondo Club, a new bartender must place a $100 bet on red or black on the roulette table at a Biloxi casino (13). After interviewing Carl I returned home, finishing my research for the night.

November 14, 2001 Tallahassee, FL

On my second night I continued researching the bars of the “Tennessee Strip.” I started the night at Poor Paul’s Poorhouse. Poor Paul’s has been opened for 20 years and is located underneath the adult toys and games store on Tennessee Street. It is a small bar without much circulation and a tendency to become very smoke filled.

Inside Poor Paul’s Poorhouse I interviewed Eric, the bartender. He has currently been working at Poor Paul’s for 4 months, having accumulated eight years total bartending time, starting in Daytona, Florida. Eric told me Poor Paul’s clientele is mostly 25-35 year old white males. Poor Paul’s has a drinking special every night of the week and has some of the cheapest beer prices in town. On every Wednesday, there is a meeting of the Poor Paul’s Dart League (14).

Having already visited the Indian Harbor Beach Poor Paul’s (October 20, 2001 entry), I asked Eric what he knew of any connection between the two establishments. Because of his limited experience at Poor Paul’s, he directed me to Jim, the bar’s manager. Jim stated he wasn’t sure about the situation but added that he thought the Indian Harbor Beach bar was making a royalty payment for use of the name (15). After talking to Jim, I left Poor Paul’s and headed to neighboring Bullwinkle’s.

Bullwinkle’s is possibly the most famous Tallahassee bar, having been named on both Playboy magazine’s “100 Best College Bars” (16) and Playboy’s College Bar Survey “5 Places to Party Like a Rock Star” (17). Bullwinkle’s has a unique set-up. It is divided between a dance club inside and a stage outside, frequently used for local music acts.

At Bullwinkle’s I interviewed another bartender named Eric. He told me Bullwinkle’s has been opened since 1979 and that people ranging in age from mid 30s to mid 20s frequent it. Bullwinkle’s has different theme nights ranging from Wednesday College Night (free admittance and free domestic beer for college students with a valid college ID) to Saturday Ladies Night. Eric also told me patron traditions at Bullwinkle’s include the gathering of the Friday night happy hour crowd and the Wednesday night gathering of the Florida State Anthropology Department (18). After taking advantage of some free domestic beer, I continued my research by going to the Leon Pub.

The Leon Pub is located approximately five miles from the “Tennessee Strip” on 6th Street. It is a tiny pub featuring two pool tables and one of the largest selections of beer in Tallahassee.

When I arrived, there was a large crowd at the Leon Pub and I found it difficult to interview the bartender, who used to be a neighbor of mine. When the crowd finally left, I was able to interview her. Her name is Kayse and she has worked bars for two years, the last four months of which have been at the Leon Pub. Kayse told me that the pub has been opened for eight years and that most of its customers are white drinking age males. The only tradition the Leon Pub is involved in is as the meeting place of two gentlemen-an uncle and his nephew- who get the same beer everyday (19). After finishing talking to Kayse, I went home, satisfied at the research I acquired.

November 18, 2001 Tallahassee, FL

The last bar I decided to research was Brother’s, Tallahassee’s only gay bar. Brother’s is located on Tharpe Street. When entering Brother’s, I noticed it is divided into three sections: an outdoor area with a small bar; the main bar area, containing a pool table, a juke box, and two televisions; and a dance floor area, also containing its own bar, as well as tables and chairs surrounding the dance floor.

While at Brother’s, I had the opportunity to interview one of the bartenders. His name was Adam and he had worked at Brother’s for a year, being taught how to tend bar by Nathan, the bar’s manager. Adam told me Brother’s had been opened for eight years and of course, was a gay bar. It is owned by the same individual who owns Club Park Avenue, a dance club in downtown Tallahassee.

Brother’s is often frequented by people of all ages, ethnicities, as well as all sexual orientations. Its traditional theme nights are Sunday night 80s Night and the Saturday Night Drag Queen Show led by Tony Denise. Even the bartenders at Brother’s have their own tradition of saying “Hey girl.” to patrons of every gender.

One of the more interesting answers I received from Adam was when I asked him “Who are the traditional patron groups of the establishment?”. Adam gave me an extensive list including “old gay men, young gay men, lesbians, married men, 1980s punks, college students, frat boys, sorority bitches, rednecks, goth kids, drag queens, and “try” sexuals, those who will “try” anything” (20). After thanking Adam for his time, I left Brother’s.

November 24, 2001 Tallahassee, FL

This was an unplanned night as far as my research went but is necessary in order to explain Tallahassee bar traditions. My friends and I decided to go out to Brother’s for the night. This time I was a little more comfortable going into a gay bar because I thought I knew what to expect. I was only partially correct.

At approximately one am, after spending an hour and a half on the dance floor, the lights came on. At first I thought Brother’s was closing but I knew it was too early. I then realized I was about to witness the Drag Queen Show firsthand.

After everyone had circled the dance floor, the first “gender illusionist” (as they are referred to in Brother’s advertising) entered the dance floor. She (for the purpose of gender classification in this research, anyone posing or desiring to be a specific gender will be regarded as such) was the master of ceremonies for the show and initially told the crowd Tony Denise would not be in attendance tonight. After the crowd sighed their disappointment, the MC told them what they were getting in tonight’s show- “a white one, a black one, a little one, a big one, and me.” Then she went off stage.

The first drag queen came out a few minutes later. She was a large black “woman” wearing typical dance club attire. She walked on to the dance floor to the beat of an old 1980s pop song. Then, to the crowds’ approval, she began to dance. It was a very sultry, seductive dance, full of hip gyrations, blown kisses, and other provocative gestures. She would purposefully tease some of the men standing around the stage. A few would even venture on the floor to dance with her. After each brief “flirtation”, she would receive a dollar, similar to the “reward” given to erotic dancers at adult entertainment establishments.

Following the first drag queen was a huge white “woman.” There was no mistaking she was actually a man. Like the first, she danced around the floor collecting dollar bills and teasing the men. This time even some of the ladies surrounding the dance floor danced with the drag queen.

Finally the third performer came to the stage. She was the MC who had opened the show. She danced very provocatively to the latest Britney Spears dance song “I’m a Slave.” She was not only smaller than the first two performers, but much more athletic, being able to do things such as leg kicks on the dance floor. She made quite a bit money after very exotically dancing with a very attractive young female.

Once the MC had finished her routine the dance floor lights returned to their original setting and the crowd resumed dancing the night away. The drag queen show had taken approximately 30 minutes. I had definitely enjoyed witnessing this Brother’s tradition firsthand.

Conclusion

Although not every bar in Tallahassee is full of traditions and customs, each did have its own “personality.” Even the patrons of each bar, from the macho fraternity brothers at Ken’s to the drag queen performers at Brother’s, had their own collective culture. It is these cultures and personalities who establish the many traditions associated with the Tallahassee bar scene.

Bibliography

1. OnlineAthens: News: UGA drops in party-school ranking. August 25, 1999. http://www.onlineathens.com/stories/082599/new_0825990010.shtml

2. Official Song of the State of Tennessee. http://www.50states.com/songs/tenn.4.htm

3. Culturally Florida. Com: North Central Florida. http://www.culturallyflausa.com/pop/region/region.php?region=9&page=3

4. George, Emily. Interview conducted December 1, 2001.

5. A Gentleman And a Scholar. Sports Illustrated. Page 28. December 27, 1993- January 3, 1994.

6. Perfecting Your English. http://www.fsu.edu/~fsu-isc/handbook/2001/Perfecting_Your_English.html

7. Brooks, Dave. Bartender, Poor Paul’s Poorhouse, Indian Harbor Beach, FL. Interview conducted October 20, 2001.

8. Brevard Seminole Club Flyer.

9. Eddie. Bartender, Sebastian Beach Inn, Sebastian Beach, FL. Interview conducted October 20, 2001.

10. Ted. Local biker. Interview conducted October 20, 2001.

11. Jenine. Bartender, Fatty and Skinny’s, Tallahassee, FL. Interview conducted November 13, 2001.

12. Randy Meisner (?). Patron. Fatty and Skinny’s, Tallahassee, FL. Interview conducted November 13, 2001.

13. Ots, Carl. Bartender. Ken’s, Tallahassee, FL. Interview conducted November 13, 2001.

14. Eric. Bartender. Poor Paul’s Poorhouse, Tallahassee, FL. Interview conducted November 14, 2001.

15. Jim. Manager. Poor Paul’s Poorhouse, Tallahassee, FL. Interview conducted November 14, 2001.

16. America’s Top 100 College Bars. Playboy. Page 128. October 1997.

17. The Campus Buzz. Playboy. Page 116. November 1999.

18. Eric. Bartender. Bullwinkle’s, Tallahassee, FL. Interview conducted November 14, 2001.

19. Kayse. Bartender. The Leon Pub, Tallahassee, FL. Interview conducted November 14, 2001.

20. Adam. Bartender. Brother’s, Tallahassee, FL. Interview conducted November 18, 2001.

Thoughts on Matt Baker's Jameis Winston Assignment and Internet Trolls

A few months ago, I wrote a post about an ESPN Magazine writer who decided to tweet how she was rooting against Florida State for no other reason than she disliked how the school handled the legal repercussions of Jameis Winston's actions. I thought making her opinion public was a bad idea, if only because promoting her biased opinions on her platform would make her ability to be unbiased on future work questionable.

My post was read by another ESPN Magazine writer who called my post "the stupidest thing he had ever read". I had to email the responder and talk out our points.

Unfortunately, another article on Jameis Winston and Florida State piqued my interest recently. Written by Tampa Bay Times sports writer Matt Baker, the article details Baker's trials and tribulations covering the Winston saga. And yes, "saga" is the correct word.

As I read Baker's piece, it reminded me of the stories of a war correspondent.

For my role in reopening a dormant investigation, Florida State fans wanted me to die of brain-eating cancer and in a car crash on my way home. They told me to jump off a bridge and get hit by a truck. They suggested I get intimate with a monkey infected with AIDS.

I felt bad for Baker. No writer should be harassed, no matter their assignment. They are doing their job. A job given to them by their editors and guaranteed by the First Amendment. Reporters are the watchdogs of society, the all-important fourth branch of government.

But there are ways to deal with internet trolls. Recently, former Major League Baseball pitcher Curt Schilling released the hounds on several trolls who insulted his 17-year old daughter on twitter. Despite different rooting interests, many sports fans went after the trolls for crossing the line. The identifiable group will now always see their names linked to their actions.

In Baker's case, however, instead of naming names, he used terms such as "Florida State fans" and "fans bombarded my phone" and in regards to threats to the accuser, "Fans threatened to burn down her sorority house". He only refers to the people harassing him as "trolls" once.

As a Tampa Bay area writer, Baker missed a great opportunity to showcase the difference between good "fans" and "trolls". I would have liked to see Baker focus his article (or perhaps a future article) on the actions of FSU supporters in real-life and their actions behind the keyboard. Going on the offensive as Schilling did might reveal interesting disparities.

For example, Baker could have added details about positive interactions with FSU alumni in his neighborhood.

He writes: Fans bombarded my phone with more than 100 calls over a couple of weeks. I answered almost every one, never knowing if it was a legitimate tip or a prank some troll would illegally record to laugh at online.

He could have added:

Yet once a week, my wife and I had dinner with our neighbors, both Florida State alumni. He is a lawyer and she is doctor. When I asked about Jameis, both stated they admire his talent, but his off-the-field drama has become a distraction.

For every online incident, it would have been nice to read a real-life counter interaction. Are Seminole fans the same in real-life as they are online? I'm sure the answer is no. Perhaps, like Schilling, Baker could have uncovered a model citizen who was harassing him behind the thin veil of the internet.

He could have added:

One night, for example, I received a tweet from Joe Blow, who goes by the twitter handle @NoleDudeABC123. After Blow told me to jump off a cliff, I googled his name and discovered he was a marketing professional in Orlando. I'm sure XYZ789 Marketing in Orlando would be pleased to know their employees are sending death threats through social media.

Perhaps Baker doesn't live by any FSU alumni. Perhaps he doesn't work with any. Perhaps he doesn't have any in his family or circle of friends. I find that hard to believe, especially if he is in Tampa Bay area, but perhaps that is the case. Another option Baker could have taken would be talk to prominent Seminoles in the Tampa Bay area and get their thoughts on the trolls. Maybe public shaming would make a troll or two think twice. Perhaps Baker could have listed the trolls on in a blog post and "FSUTwitter" could have policed itself as sports fans did for Curt Schilling.

(Isn't that the same theory many espouse in regards to Islamic extremism? "The leaders of the Muslim world should stand up and denounce the attacks", they say. Well, shouldn't the same apply to other groups? Aren't fan communities basically the same as religious communities? And wasn't that also mentioned during the riots in Ferguson, Missouri? Many said the black community needed to step up to stop the looters. Again, calling for a community to police itself.)

Admittedly, not all social media trolls and bullies leave breadcrumbs to their real identity. As a matter of fact, most don't. But some do. And those foolish enough to use their real names or some marking identifier should be called out, their information published, and their reputations ruined.

Unfortunately, by not using qualifiers in his article, Matt Baker left open the impression that the Florida State community is either supportive of or impartial to online bullying and trolling. I can't speak for the thousands of alumni in the Tampa Bay area or nationwide, but I believe any effort to eradicate trolls and bullies is a good idea. Even if they claim to be Seminoles.

(Addendum 1: I've corresponded with Matt Baker before. Not only have we conversed on twitter about the Rays, but I also emailed him the day after this article was published. He replied in kind and I have no qualms at all with him personally. I just think his article could have been framed a little better.)

(Addendum 2: I freelanced for the Tampa Bay Times music section a few years ago. Great newspaper and great people.)

FSU Marching Chiefs perform Star Wars

There are millions of videos on YouTube. Thousands, if not tens of thousands, are uploaded every day. But here are two of my favorite videos.

Yes, they are even slightly better than anything I have ever created.

The Florida State University Marching Chiefs perform Star Wars - Part 1





The Florida State University Marching Chiefs perform Star Wars - Part 2 (with live lightsaber battle)




Even better, there is a chance I am in the crowd somewhere, as that was my freshman year at FSU.

Quick explanation on how I found these amazing videos: I simply typed in "FSU Star Wars" in YouTube. I was thinking perhaps someone had Star Wars uniforms with FSU colors or created some other type of mashup, but instead I found these videos. The Force was definitely with me.

The Unpalatable Molly Knight

Before its first issue in 1998, ESPN Magazine was introduced in a commercial starring NBA players Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury. In this commercial, the then-Timberwolves claimed the magazine wouldn't have "swimsuits, thongs, or bikinis", but instead would be "all nude", albeit "tastefully done". Because that's important.



In its history, ESPN Magazine has not only gone "all nude", but also maintained a high level of professionalism and taste in its pages. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for a recent tweet from one of its writers.

Yesterday, writer Molly Knight caused a social media splash when she tweeted the following:

We, as a nation, might disagree on politics and Love Actually-- but we can all agree Oregon needs to clobber Florida State.

— Molly Knight (@molly_knight) December 29, 2014

For what it's worth, I am an occasional reader of ESPN Magazine. Although I do not have a subscription, I get handed issues from family members, see the magazine in doctors' offices, or might even pick one up at random at a newsstand. So there is a chance I have read Molly Knight's work. There is a chance I haven't, but a chance I have.

That said, I will definitely look at her work with a different eye in the future. Am I supposed to believe she is unbiased in anything she writes from here on out?

I will admit, I am a bit old school when it comes to sports writing. I don't believe sports writers should have favorite teams. They can have favorite subjects, but they should leave their biases at the door when it comes to their published work. And contrary to what most people think, tweets are published materials, just as articles, stories, or blog posts. They are, by definition, micro-blogs.

Unfortunately, in recent years ESPN has thrown the "writers shouldn't have favorite teams" idea out the window. They want their personalities to be opinionated. They want to generate argument and debate. For better or for worse, it's their business model.

With that background, let's return to Ms. Knight's tweet. When asked in a reply why she would be rooting for Oregon over Florida State, she replied:

@onerealchris @ravnole I went to stanford, am a football season ticket holder, and despise Oregon. This trumps that: http://t.co/tX0xX0o2vr — Molly Knight (@molly_knight) December 29, 2014

So this is not a case of a writer rooting for a team as much as it is a writer rooting against a team. FSU could be playing the Alaskan State College of Auto Repair and Ms. Knight would have written the same thing.

What is particularly galling about Ms. Knight's tweet is not that she is rooting against the FSU football team because of any on-the-field bias, but strictly because of her thoughts on the off-the-field situations involving the Florida State University football team, the FSU administration, and local authorities. Ms. Knight has taken a moral stand and expanded it to her sports opinions. I don't think that is professional at all, especially for a nationally published sports writer.

If Ms. Knight was against the decisions of the Tallahassee police department, the FSU police force, and other powers that be, those are who she should be commenting about. Or if she is against the coaching staff, than she should express her displeasure with them. She would still be biased, but at least it would be against the right target. The score of the football game is irrelevant to the existence of those entities. Win or lose, none of those organizations will change. Unless she wants to dig in, double down, and hope FSU goes winless until such time Jimbo Fisher is fired. Which has about zero chance of happening anytime soon.

But an FSU loss in the Rose Bowl will make Ms. Knight feel better. Not sure how, but it will.

What Ms. Knight should be doing, instead of writing how she wants the football team to lose, is to use her platform as a national writer to make the changes she wants to see in the world. It is easy to be emotional and reactionary. It is much harder to take action, put your ideas on the line, and push for change.

I would respect Ms. Knight much more if she wrote an editorial either in ESPN Magazine or on her own website calling for the resignation of FSU officials and Tallahassee police officials who she feels are at fault. She could also create a 10-point plan that in theory might solve what she feels is a problem. She could even write how she wants the university to do away with football and for the state to create a "North Florida Football Academy" where athletes get trained under a more competent staff. Whether or not she is right and whether or not I agree or anyone agrees is irrelevant. What is important is that she use her leverage for more than "I hope they lose".

(If she has written this, please point me to a link. Thanks.)

A few days ago, Will Leitch, one of the most level-headed sports writers in the business, wrote an editorial about modern media. In this editorial, Leitch wrote that the goal isn't to be smart, it is to be "loud".

The entire strategy for succeeding at anything, whether it's winning elections, selling a product or attracting visitors for your Website, revolves around pitching yourself as loudly as you can to those people on your side and turning those who disagree with you into the worst version of themselves, demonizing them into something subhuman and venal.

Molly Knight's tweet about how she hopes FSU will lose received over 700 re-tweets and 800 favorites. Her words reached a lot of people. Many of whom probably agree with her, for one reason or another. Would a more nuanced tweet promoting a 10-point plan of action be shared as much? Highly doubtful. But as Leitch said, "Nuance is tossed out, even if you know a situation is desperately nuanced, in favor of quick points and splash".

Quick points and splash. To hell with tasteful.

Two final points:

1) This post is not to excuse any lowlife scumbag who belittles a writer because of her gender. Everyone has the right to work in a harassment-free environment. And if tweets are publications, then twitter is where Ms. Knight "works", and she should be treated with respect by other "publishers", i.e. everyone else on twitter.

2) Before I get accused of being an FSU homer, I've had my own objections with the way FSU does business.

Thoughts on the FSU Library shooting

I've been to some shitty places in the world.

I've also been to some absolutely great places.

I count Florida State University as one of the better places I have ever been. At FSU, I grew academically and personally. My time at FSU greatly influenced the person I am today. I can think of no other university I would rather be an alumnus of.

So it was with great shock that I read tweets and reports of a shooting on the FSU campus just past midnight on November 20th. My first reaction was to immediately compare the rapid fire tweets of Adam Weinstein and others to the tweets of Mustafa Kazemi, an Afghan journalist I followed closely during my time in his country. One night in particular, Kazemi tweeted about a hotel siege against the Taliban where he narrowly ducked incoming fire. I remember hanging on to each update, eager to know the outcome.

Never in my wildest dreams would I think tweets from FSU would bring the same feelings. I didn't see that coming. At all.

Of course, no one can ever see a shooting coming. That is the nature of its evil. Shootings are random, usually senseless, and always tragic. After the storm of tweets and reports, I thought about another location near and dear to me recently marred by violence. In 2009, US Army Major Nadik Hassan opened fire in the Fort Hood Soldier Readiness Center, killing 13 and wounding 30. The Readiness Center was located across the street from my former unit headquarters. When I was stationed at Fort Hood, before my time at FSU, the Readiness Center was a sports bar and I spent many evenings there watching games and enjoying the company of friends.

Just like I spent many evenings and mornings, afternoons, and late nights in Strozier Library.

One of concepts I grew to appreciate in Afghanistan was the meaning of "inshallah", an Arabic term for "God willing". It is a humbling term, used for when you have little control of a situation and place the outcome in God's hands. If it is in God's will for something to happen, it will happen. If it is in God's will for you to have control, then it is. If not, than it is not.

When living in a society marred by tragedy and terrorist attacks, inshallah becomes a way of life. If it is in God's will, you will see another day. God willing, your family, friends, country, and the world will be at peace. But if not, that is God's will as well.

God willing, students across the world can study and envelop themselves in academia without fear. God willing, noone with a lunatic agenda, a counter-culture bend, or even a broken heart disrupts the peaceful quest for knowledge. We hope this not only for students in America but also for students such as Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani girl shot in the face by an extremist because he disagreed with her desire to be educated.

Malala persevered and so will Florida State University, as have Northern Illinois University (2008), Virginia Tech (2007), University of Iowa (1991), University of Texas (1966), and the many other universities scarred by senseless gun violence.

Among my concerns now is that the Florida State University family treat this incident with care. Of course, there will be security precautions and awareness of copycat attacks. Although initial reports are that this was an isolated incident, security will be high during upcoming football games and other significant gatherings. That is to be expected, although I hope when the storm passes they return to their normal levels of concern and not maintain a hyper-security state based on one random incident.

Another concern I have is with how the university handles the grieving process. Florida State University is very big on its affiliation with and support of the Seminole Indian Tribe. The university has embraced the "Unconquered" theme as a way to acknowledge the Seminole Tribe's ability to fight off US Government oppression during the Seminole Wars. Those wars, which occurred between 1816 and 1858, reduced the Seminole population in Florida from the thousands to a few hundred. Most Seminole Tribe members were massacred or forced to migrate to Oklahoma. Only a handful scattered throughout the swampland of South Florida were able to withstand the constant US military invasion. Those few were the "unconquered".

To compare a school shooting to the suffering the Seminole Tribe had to endure for over a generation is not a good idea at all. While what happened to the student body on November 20th is tragic, and we do need to be there for each other, it pales in comparison to the struggle of the Seminole Tribe. Florida State University should avoid using Seminole imagery and terms to unify its student body after the violence at Strozier Library. Doing so would only belittle the meaning of these symbols.

Despite these concerns, my heart goes out to those affected by the Strozier Library shooting. I hope those hurt recover and those seeking knowledge are again able to enjoy their quest as peacefully as I did during my great time at Florida State University.

Inshallah.

The Rhode Island Revolution

While perusing some of my old FSView & Florida Flambeau articles, I found this classic. My first editorial, written in May 2002.

Operation C.O.R.I.

My plan to conquer Rhode Island was born at a time of so many of my other great ideas- during a night of drunken debauchery. I figured there hadn’t been any good insurrections in America in a while, so why not?

Rhode Island was the perfect place to start my revolution, I explained to anyone who would dare listen. It is the smallest state in the union and can’t have that many people to defend it. In addition it is neither a road nor an island. The inhabitants have to call themselves “Islanders” and they don’t even live on an island. Only the all-powerful Man has the power to manipulate people like that. Down with the Man!

I quickly dubbed my plan Operation C.O.R.I. (Conquerors of Rhode Island). All that was needed was some troops. I couldn’t do this alone. My roommate was the first to decline his assistance, and the rest of my friends quickly followed. I would have to look elsewhere. Where was anyone’s sense of adventure?

Using my military background and knowledge of warfare, I knew there were several ways to go about Operation C.O.R.I. We- me and my soon-to-be-legion of followers- could try to invade Rhode Island by force ourselves or we could get the local populace to rise up against their oppressors like the United States did in Afghanistan. Since I didn’t (and still don’t) have the financial backing to buy weapons of mass destruction, psychological warfare would have to be the way to go.

More beer led to the idea that my band of rebels would need Viking helmets, since no invasion is complete without Viking helmets. I knew there was even a store in the Governor’s Square Mall that could supply us with these helmets, as well as swords, battle-axes, and armor. Everything a good invasion needed.

My crew would also need a Volkswagen bus. You can’t make an interstate trek without a VW bus. Before we depart we would need to paint revolutionary slogans on the side of the bus. I came up with two on the spot: “You’re not a road! You’re not an island! You’re not sheep! Stand Defiant!” and “Hey Providence! We are Anti-Dominance!” Finally, we needed plenty of flyers calling the people to action and signs for us to hold in protest in front of the Rhode Island capital building.

I concluded my riotous rhetoric by claiming that even if the operation was a failure, we couldn’t get in any trouble. After all, protesting the oppression of the Rhode Island people was perfectly within our First Amendment rights. It was up to the people to decide whether or not to rise up.

Even now, I don’t know what we would have done with Rhode Island if my plan were a success. I guess I would try my hand in national representation and become Supreme Ruler of the Land Formerly Known as Rhode Island. But how would I govern a million ex-Rhode Islanders? What if I had to defend against an insurrection? The whole thing seems like too much work. Maybe I just need to think less when I go out drinking.

The Best of Times

It finally happened. Kinda.

Today I read a very creative and witty article by a writer for my former college newspaper, the FSView & Florida Flambeau. In his piece, The Great War: Logos, Uniforms, and Fear, FSView sports editor Perry Kostidakis comments and parodies the divide in Florida State fans, alumni, and students over the newly revealed Seminole logo.

The whole article is great and it's obvious Kostidakis had fun writing it. But one part stood out.

Midway through the article, Kostidakis references Dr. Seuss's Butter Battle Book.

 He screams, “Here’s the end of that terrible town! Full of ’Noles who like logos that frown!”

And, suddenly, at the very instant we heard a klupp-klupp of feet on the wall and a older man climbs up! The boys in HIS back room have made him one too! In his fist was another IgnitionTradition!

“I’ll blow you,” he yelled, “into pork and wee beans! I’ll tomahawk chop all of you small teens!”

“Grandpa!” I shouted. “Be careful! Oh, gee! Who’s going to drop it? Will you…? Or will he…?

“Be patient,” said Grandpa. “We’ll see. We will see…”

Genius.

After I read the article, I contacted Kostidakis on twitter to tell him I enjoyed his article and that I appreciated his reference of one of my favorite books. He was kind enough to reply.

@JordiScrubbings you are my hero for recognizing it

— Perry Kostidakis (@perrykos) April 13, 2014

Granted, "hero" was tongue-in-cheek, and only contained to the fact that I recognized his reference. I doubt Kostidakis has read any of my work, and I doubly doubt he has perused the FSView archives to find my ancient articles. I also can't say I have read much of his work either, so I can't tell whether this was a rare showing of creativity, or whether he thinks out of the box often. A quick Google search shows his YouTube page does show originality and his article about his mother is extremely powerful.

But it is his "hero" comment that reminded me of this - one of my final articles for the FSView. Originally written on 6/19/2003.

The Best of Times

One phrase I have heard time and time again is that my college years would be the best years of my life. Well, now that they are over, I guess it’s all downhill from here.

Soon my time at the FSView & Florida Flambeau will end. Currently, I have no idea what the future will bring. But seeing that the best years of my life are past, will it really matter? No matter where I go and no matter what I do, all I have to look forward to is 60 or so years of looking back at past glory. Looking back at a time when I was at the top of my game.

A time when I was a writer and then editor at the FSView & Florida Flambeau.

“He was the greatest,” many said. “Witty and creative. Truly a pleasure to read.”

Others, of course, disagreed, proving the old adage “you can’t please all the people all the time.” They called me “pathetic,” said I needed therapy and even labeled me extremely unethical. But their jeers were often drowned out by lengthy applause and accolades.

Barring a response from any of the employers I have so far contacted, I plan to be living in a cardboard box behind Wal-Mart by the middle of August. Hopefully I can find a box big enough to fit me, my college diploma and a few copies of Home and Garden Magazine (for the homemaker in us all).

Life will surely continue down the slippery slope towards obscurity in 2004. By mid-year, liquor store employees across the capital city will know me by name and bartenders will have “the usual” set in front of “Mike’s seat” moments before I walk in.

As the years move on, so too will I, wondering the empty roads, telling anyone who will listen about my days at Florida State. I will be a shell of my once proud and accomplished self. Hair down to my ankles, clothes made stiff by grime, I will drift across the nation. Washing dishes in Topeka so that I can travel to Seattle. Panhandling in New York to get to Los Angeles.

I might even make as far north as Alaska and live in the wilderness like Ted Kaczynski or Eric Rudolph.

But wherever I go, I know I will hear the whispers.

“Isn’t that Mike Lortz?” they will ask each other. “I heard he was once a great and powerful writer. A writer that could slay armies single handedly and have lightning bolts shoot out of his eyes. Yet he doesn’t look eight feet tall.”

Then, one day, many, many years from now, I will make my way to the town that made me so briefly famous – Tallahassee. There, a young FSView & Florida Flambeau writer will approach me and ask how he or she can make the jump from a good writer to a great one in order to win the coveted “Mike Lortz Writer of the Year Award.”

“Is it true you were hired by the legendary Chris Townsend and worked alongside the great Khuong Phan?” he or she will ask.

“Ah yes,” I will recall. “But don’t forget I spent most of my time under the watchful eye of Joe Friedman. Those were my glory days. My college years. The best years of my life.”

“Wow, Mr. Lortz, you truly are a legend. I want to be just like you.”