Not so Serious Movie Review: Battalion (2018)

 

In a world where CGI space ships destroy Los Angeles, only one team of Australians cosplaying as US Marines can stop the alien invasion.

Why not Australian military? Why make the US military look like idiots in a half-baked low budget snooze fest? The uniforms were bad, the gear was bad, the interactions were bad, the logic was AWOL, and almost everyone spoke with an Australian accent. Whoever the military advisor was for Battalion should be sent to Fort Leavenworth for making the US military look bad.

Other than that .... that's it. It's just bad. I wish I had something positive to say about Battalion. The camera work was shoddy, the dialogue wasn't good, the action scenes were meh at best, the CGI wasn't great, the aliens had no motive other than destruction, and despite CGI scenes showing spaceships blowing up cities, most of the "action scenes" were on a beach or in the woods.

Battalion is easily one of the worst war movies I have watched. When you make a movie with a small group of people, it is a good idea to keep the idea small. Especially if your budget is small.

Grade: 1 CGI star of 5

Would you want to go to war with this motley group of ragbags?

 

Jon Stewart looks for the Warrior Games Torch in Tampa

The 2019 Warrior Games is being held in Tampa, Florida this week. The Warrior Games is a competition involving wounded military members of the US Armed Forces and several other national militaries, to include the Brits, Canadians, Australians, and more.

Like other international Olympic games, the Warrior Games begins with a torch lightning ceremony. But unfortunately, before the event could begin in Tampa, the torch was missing. Special Operations Command - the US Military's elite forces - had to call in the only man with the skill to find the torch and bring it home:

Jon Stewart

Stewart and his team of local celebrities, Mayor Jane Castor, WWE Superstar Titus O'Neil, Warrior Games athlete SSG Lauren Montoya, and City Councilman Luis Viera hunted throughout Tampa for the torch.

While on his hunt for the torch, Titus O'Neil boarded a Tampa trolley. Meanwhile, I was minding my business, riding the trolley, wondering what I was going to eat for lunch. Suddenly, I was approached by the hulking WWE superstar who thought I was hiding something.

I was petrified. I had to swear I didn't have the torch. Luckily, soon after, they found the perps - Thunderbug, mascot of the Tampa Bay Lightning, and former mayor Bob Buckhorn.

How to Survive as an Unemployed Veteran

(This is in response to an article entitled "How to Survive as an Unpaid Intern" posted on IvankaTrump.com. I'm not passing judgement on the article nor making a political statement, but I just thought it would be a good idea to share knowledge I've accrued over the last few years.)

#MakeItWork

Welcome to my advice column, led by me, a super-talented unemployed veteran! Here I’ll be addressing a topic that is top of mind for veterans trying to get in any industry.

It’s the conundrum every unemployed veteran knows well: You don’t have a paycheck, but you still have living expenses. It can be tough for already-stressed veterans who know non-military experience is incredibly valuable in building a foundation for a new career, but aren’t sure if they can afford to work for free or at an entry level position. What’s to be done? With this being my third year of unemployment, I’ve learned a few tricks.

Save up during deployments

If you know you’ll be unemployed for a while when you get back, you can anticipate your expenses by putting money made during deployments aside in a separate account. I did this after I returned from Bosnia in 1999, then left active duty three months later, and more recently after I returned from contract work in Afghanistan in 2013. Additionally, if you put your money a fund or two with decent returns, you might be able to pay some bills or afford college tuition on the interest.

Take on short contracts

What about when your savings aren’t enough and bills still need to be paid? If you can find a short-term contract that capitalizes on your military experience, do it. Even if you are trying to move into a different field. Even if you have college or other commitments. Short-term contracts typically pay very well. Before you have opened doors in a new field, tap the well in your previous field to see if there is any water left to be drawn.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

THIS IS HUGE. I can't emphasize this enough. There are so many groups and people out there willing to help veterans find work. If you are in college, as I am, college veterans groups are a great place to start. Most metropolitan areas have career assistance groups who can help re-write resumes and facilitate networking with folks in the civilian workforce. There are also veteran job fairs, where employers seek out people with military backgrounds.

Note: don't rely on corporate veteran recruiters. They are typically of little help. They work for their company. If your resume isn't exactly what they want, they won't guide you in the right direction. Most of the companies who advertise how many veterans they hire are only promoting it to pat themselves on the back. Avoid asking corporate veterans recruiters for help.

Rent on the cheap

If you have no idea how long your unemployment is going to last after you separate from the military/defense world, live cheap. Rent a small apartment and live well below your means. That might mean getting a roommate or two. Find a place that includes cable and utilities. I took a huge step backwards and put most of my belongings in storage while I went back to school. Getting my stuff out of storage is a huge motivator to getting my career on track.

Set a budget for yourself

It’s always important to allocate money wisely, but even more so when you aren’t bringing in an income to supplement your spending. Set aside maybe one night a week for a few drinks or socializing, but after that, keep it tight. Keep a spreadsheet of your receipts. After a while, you should be able to see trends in how much you spend where and when. Don't keep all of your money in one account. Tell yourself that one of your accounts is Red Zone money - not like the football red zone, but the "times are really tough" money. That money should be what you spend last.

Conclusion

It is tough being an unemployed veteran. It is very tough knowing you have marketable skills but not being able to fit them into a position in the corporate world. It's tough when people ask if you have edited your resume and you have created over 100 versions of your resume. It's tough when people tell you to apply for anything, even if it means taking parts of your military/defense experience off your resume.

Hopefully this guide can help veterans who are struggling to make ends meet during a job hunt. If my re-write of Ivanka Trump's unpaid intern survival tips can help one veteran survive unemployment, then my mission here is accomplished.

Star Wars links on writing, film studies, and bring arts to the military

Star Wars: The Force Awakens has been out for over a month now and although I have seen it three times, I haven't written a word about it. That has taken a lot of willpower and discipline. But before I write my thoughts on the new movie and dive into my predictions on Episode 8, I wanted to share a few of the best Star Wars articles I've seen lately.

What We Talk About When We Talk about Star Wars - Henry Jenkins

One of my favorite cinema and media studies professors is Henry Jenkins. I've written about Prof Jenkins before, especially in regards to his work on fan cultures. In his post about Star Wars, Jenkins first talks about how the movie has played such a big role in his life and in his studies. He then talks about what he likes and doesn't like about the new episode.

I want to write a Star Wars book. Who do I contact? - Jason Fry


I've written about Jason Fry before. A Star Wars book writer and a fellow Mets fan and baseball writer, Jason Fry is who I wish I was in another life. In one of his most recent posts, Jason provides advice to aspiring writers. While letting his readers know there is no clear path to writing for the Star Wars Universe - which may be a bummer for some - he does give advice for writing in general, no matter the audience.

Write because you love writing, not because of any one specific goal. It’s the love that will sustain you through the hard work of getting that track record, and carry you through successes and failures and good luck and bad. If things go well and you get some breaks, you might eventually be offered the chance to play in someone else’s universe, whether it’s a galaxy far far away or something else. And if not you’ll still be having fun and hopefully seeing a little success.

Amen.

Adam Driver Brings Monologues to the Military: Arts in the Armed Forces - Vice.com

Vice.com put together a very cool video about Adam Driver (aka Kylo Ren of The Force Awakens) and his efforts to bring arts to military members around the globe. I can relate to Driver's cause. While I was in Afghanistan, I saw too many military members unwinding by playing war video games. That's not unwinding.

Perhaps through Driver's efforts we can see more military members get creative in their spare time. Perhaps some might even construct a stage in an MWR tent and act out some improv or some stand-up comedy or some acting. There are many studies that say being creative is a great way to alleviate stress. That might be a great thing in a warzone.

The Army and I, twenty years ago today ....

There are several dates each year that cause me to take a moment and reflect. There is my birthday, family birthdays, and the anniversary of family deaths. And one date that marks the beginning of my adult life. The date when who I was changed forever.

Twenty years ago, on August 21st, 1995, I left home to join the US Army.

If that day was my start date, had I stayed in, I would be retiring from the military today.

I remember it well. Six months after signing the initial paperwork and waiting in the delayed entry program, I left for the Army on the same day my high school peers began life at universities and community colleges. Well, some did. That was part of the reason I enlisted, to get away and do something different. As I mentioned in previous writing, my grades weren't the best, and university life was not only out of financial reach but also out of intellectual reach at that moment in my life. I probably would have slacked through college as I did high school.

So on August 21, 1995, I said good-bye to my mother, visiting grandmother, and brother, and drove with my father to the recruiting office for the last time. I think it meant a lot to my father to see me off as he has always been very pro-military and his father, who had passed away earlier in the year, also served in the Army. I remember my Dad holding back tears as he gave me a hug before he left.

A moment I'll never forget.

From the recruiting station I was put on a small bus from Melbourne, Florida to Jacksonville with several other recruits. They were on their first of two trips north for processing. I was the only one on my final trip. Their bags were packed for a few days knowing they would return. My one gym bag was packed for good.

When I arrived at the Ramada Inn by the Jacksonville Military Entry Personnel Station (MEPS), I was put in a room with a guy I had never met and never saw again. The only thing I remember about him was that he was a big Grateful Dead fan. He made his fandom known early in our rooming experience when he gave me a speech on the greatness of Jerry Garcia, who had died two weeks earlier. He called the former guitarist a "hero and a great man". He then pulled out several magazines and newspapers from his suitcase and turned to articles on Garcia, as if quote scripture and prove he wasn't alone in his worship.

Looking back, I am not sure what he intended to do with those magazines in basic training. Nor am I sure he passed the necessary drug tests.

That was the only conversation I had with my Deadhead roommate. Shortly after I was given the rundown on Jerry Garcia's prominence, I left for dinner. When I returned, the Garcia acolyte was asleep. Whatever his purpose at MEPS, he was gone before I awoke the next morning and I never saw him again.

After finishing the necessary paperwork and processing, I left MEPS for the Jacksonville airport and the first step of my military journey. From Jacksonville, I flew to Atlanta, then to St Louis, where I finally connected with other new recruits. They were as awestruck as I was.

Shortly after connecting, we were herded into a white school bus headed for Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. Over the next two hours, I chatted and bonded with the other soon-to-be service members. We were all excited, all young, and all had no clue what was going to happen.

Soon enough, the bus stopped. I didn't own a watch, so I had no idea what time is was. All I knew was that it was late and dark. We all sat in the bus for several moments, anticipating the unknown.

Our unknown was abruptly shattered by the first drill sergeant I ever saw. True to the stereotype, he barked at us to leave the bus and bring our belongings into the Fort Leonard Wood training processing center. As soon as I could, I grabbed my gym bag and hustled off the bus towards the facility.

For the next few days, Army in-processing was a labyrinth of shots, supplies, and adminstrata. I signed up for the GI Bill, was issued my first uniform, and received my first military hair cut. We were herded along by admin specialists and medical personnel who knew more about our futures then we did and liked it that way.

After each day of in-processing, we were led to old World War II-style temporary barracks for the night. It was a typical open bay of bunkbeds and lockers. Privacy was no longer an option. I went to bed almost immediately on that first night, my only post-dinner task securing my new Army gear in my locker. My gym bag, basketball shorts, t-shirts, and sneakers were no longer needed.

I remember being on the top bunk, asking myself on that first night, "what did I get into?". I remember drifting off comparing those first whirlwind moments of basic training to kindergarten or the first day of fifth grade after my family moved to Florida. If I made through those experiences, I thought to myself, I was strong enough to make it through the experience of basic training.

(Seventeen years later in Afghanistan, I used that same technique to get through my first few nights. After a long international flight, several hours of travel and moving, and incredible jet lag, I again laid on a crappy mattress in temporary open bay-style barracks and thought about how I made it though other new and unknown experiences.)

At 5:00 AM the next morning, the drill sergeant turned on the barracks lights and woke us up. He told us to hurry up and because we had work to do. My first day was done. It was August 22, 1995. My second day in the US Army.

Business Communications Lessons

I am currently taking an MBA class in Business Communications. One of our assignments is to create a blog, a twitter account, and a LinkedIn account. Then we have to write a blog post and share some professional insights and lessons learned in business communications.

Since the first day of class, I've been able to check most of these boxes. A welcome respite from classes where had to put a lot more work in, such as in Finance, where I was in the library three hours a night every other night. Some things come easier to some people than to others.

(To be honest, that's something I have become very conscious about since I started my MBA work. Nothing bothers me more than when a Finance professor or classmates says "this is easy" when discussing a math problem I am struggling with. I have worked hard to get my math skills up to par. Saying something is easy while I struggle with it is insulting. So with that in mind, I definitely watch when talking about writing, communications, and social media with people who don't have those experiences. What is almost second nature to me might not be to others. I guess that's a communication lesson learned, right?)

But on to actual lessons I have learned from years in the workplace. As mentioned in my Professional Highlights tab on my site, most of my experiences have been in a military environment. But as you can see from my blog, I don't exactly fit the military mold. So that leads me to my first lesson learned:

Know your people

I've worked in Bosnia, Qatar, and Afghanistan. I've worked for senior military people and in military command centers. But I've also done stand-up comedy, posed for pictures with pro wrestlers, and done freelance writing on local DJs. Although I am successful in the environment, my mind doesn't fit the military mold. To reference Gordon MacKenzie, I tend to "orbit the hairball". And few hairballs are denser than the military-industrial complex.

I have been a challenge to many managers. I have worked for a few that tried to keep me in a box. I worked for an older manager whose attempt led to my departure. I worked for a younger manager who was in charge only because he worked for the government and I was a contractor. Our differences led to me moving to a night shift where our only interaction was when we passed notes on our respective shifts. It was a happy compromise.

But a few managers recognized my thought process and let me run. One of my managers in Afghanistan compared me to Michael Jordan and said "I'm going to give you the ball. If you miss too often, I am changing the game plan. But as long as you succeed, you can run how you want."

That's knowing your people. It takes effort and it takes talking with your people and understanding their thought process and creating an environment where they can do their best. If I had that support in the high-pressure environment of Afghanistan, it is possible everywhere.

Establish Credibility

Credibility is incredibly important. More time than not, no one listens to the new guy. So the faster you can establish credibility, the easier communicating will be. Credibility can be established by mentioning experiences and relating with people. Be sure to be likeable, and do not come off as a braggart. Don't claim your experiences, education, or skills make you better than anyone else. Just mention how they can help the situation.

Sometimes appearance helps to establish credibility. In Afghanistan, for example, I grew a long beard. Not only did the locals admire the beard, as beards are looked at positively in their culture, but US military members also recognized the beard as a symbol of my tenure in Afghanistan. It established immediate credibility as a veteran of the environment.

Understand Resistance

As important as it to communicate, sometimes even your best efforts fall on deaf ears. Or ears with fingers in them. Even if your credibility is recognized.


One of the most important communications lesson to learn is when people don't want to cooperate, especially if you want them to. Some managers might not feel it is their best interest to work with you. Or they feel you are giving them unnecessary work to do. The difficult solution is to try to see things from their perspective. Are they busy? Are they being stubborn to make a point? Are they just being lazy? Is your request ruining what they think is a good thing?

It is best to try to talk people and gauge their concerns when faced with resistance. People usually push back for a reason. The goal is to prevent them from doubling down. Once they are entrenched in their position, there is little you can do except bring in someone with more credibility or authority.

Know when to call in the Big Guns

One of the underrated skills in Business Communications is when to call in the big guns. No manager likes when subordinates can't solve their own problems. But some problems require more power than a subordinate is able to muster. Especially if there is resistance.

Knowing how to tell your manager you are facing a problem is also a skill. You don't want to sound like you didn't try or give your best effort. You want to tell your manager your attempts and the result. Then you want to ask them for help. Sometimes you receive that help. Sometimes all it requires is for them to send an email or make a phone call to grease the wheels of progress. Sometimes they have to fight the battle at their level. And sometimes they determine the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

Granted, most of my experience has been in a conservative-minded military environment, where information is held close and sharing isn't a priority unless it has to be. I am sure there are environments with less difficulties. On the other hand, I am sure there are companies with more communication complications.

But these are my experiences. With any luck, they will come in handy when I move into a position in the corporate world.

Lortz in the Nude

It started innocently enough.

In 1996, in my military training school at Fort Huachuca, one of my classmates mimicked a commercial of a local dive strip club called the Sorry Gulch Saloon. In the style of late radio announcer Jan Gabriel, my classmate inserted my name in the commercial instead of the name of whoever was feature dancing at the Sorry Gulch. Being that I didn't mind at all, and I have always been up for being the subject of a victimless joke, the radio call became one of the funniest catch phrases of my time at Huachuca.

"Sunday, Sunday, Sunday
Live at the Sorry Gulch
It's Lortz in the Nude!
This Sunday. Lortz in the Nude.
First 200 ladies get a free Lortz t-shirt!
Be There!"

After military training, I went to Fort Hood and never saw that classmate again. The Lortz in the Nude call sat dormant until 1998. Then, sometime during my Bosnia deployment, I dusted it off and used it a few times, usually to break up a boring day. Then, to my surprise, a flyer appeared on my desk:

Who was I to argue?

Then, a month or so later, this was created:

It was an epic performance. According to news reports, the event had to be moved to a city park as ticket demand was too high and several riots ensued among the Bosnian women who could not get into the hotel. Once the hubbub was ameliorated, the show went on without a hitch.

Shortly after coming home from Bosnia, I couldn't abandon my blossoming career as a performer. I had to flyer Florida State University and let them know of the show.

As you can see, the flyers are getting a little more complex, as was my show. This show, however, had to be cancelled at the last moment due to protests by the Student Body. Ironic, don't you think?

The night I graduated, however, I was able to perform one show in Tallahassee.

The level of pandemonium that show caused forced me to reconsider doing "Lortz in the Nude" performances. I decided to stay in Tallahassee, continue my education, and get out of the game for a while.

Receiving a letter from the Secretary of the Florida Public Endangerment Commission calling my show "a danger to society" forced me to also lay low during my time in Tampa. Working a well-paying job and the spread of picture phones and made me wonder if I would ever do my show again. Although the show was popular, the dogs cute, and the fire hot, I just couldn't see a reason to endanger my career.

Until now.

I'm back.

Analysis of the Battle of Hoth

In February, defense blogger Spencer Ackerman wrote a post dissecting the Battle of Hoth from Empire Strikes Back. Ackerman details all of Darth Vader's military mistakes, from the initial entry into the Hoth system to his allowance of letting Luke Skywalker escape. According to Ackerman, the entire battle was a debacle and "a classic fiasco of overconfidence and theology masquerading as military judgment — and the exact opposite of the Empire striking back."

The comments are priceless as well.

JordanViray • 3 months ago  

Have you even served with the Imperial forces? Sure it's easy to take potshots from your military blog in some no-name star system while the fleet and its legions fight the rebel insurgents, but combined space/air/ground operations are a lot messier than any infographic could ever portray.

Even with the Empire's full spectrum dominance of the battlespace, you can't just leverage fleet assets which are optimized for ship-to-ship combat into a large scale ground invasion force. A Star Destroyer might have more firepower than the entire militaries of less advanced worlds but you still need a proper ground assault ship to support infantry landings.

Unfortunately, the do-nothing blowhards in Coruscant couldn't get funding for the promising alternative designs from Sienar Fleet Systems and we ended up (as usual) with Kuat Drive Yards' overpriced, overdue, and underperforming AT-AT mess.

The bottom line is that Vader is still as impulsive as he was before he donned the get-up of a Dark Lord of the Sith. He doesn't trust those with years of military service and leads based on emotion, not strategy.

Shortly after, Ackerman hosted a forum to responses from other military bloggers. Many of these bloggers disagreed with Ackerman and pointed to the Empire's other military losses as bigger or more pivotal. Only one pointed out Vader and the Emperor had different goals by invading Hoth: the Emperor wanted to squash the Rebellion and Vader wanted to capture Luke. This is an interesting perspective. And I am not sure I agree.

Perhaps the Emperor didn't mind the failure and wanted Vader to drive the Rebels about. Maybe the entire outcome of A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back were the design of the Emperor as the entire Sith-Jedi conflict. As he says "Everything is going as I have seen it.". Maybe the Sith Lord wanted to Luke to find Yoda for him as the Emperor hadn't weeded out the little green Jedi since the end of the Clone Wars.

By orchestrating the invasion of Hoth, perhaps the Emperor really wanted to bring out Yoda from Dagobah and lure him to Coruscant where he could finish business with the Jedi Master and steal his apprentice. Then he could kill off Vader, and Luke and the Emperor could rule the galaxy as "rule of two" Sith Lords.

Of course, I've done all of this rabbit-hole analysis before and ended at the same point.

(Picture from the Graphic Firing Table blog.)

Even Superwoman could use a foot rub once in a while

Like so many people across the world, I have been watching the David Petraeus "scandal" with interest. But my interests are of course, different from others. While most wonder "how could that have happened?" in regards to Petraeus's long-standing marriage and his biographer's marriage and all the other professional perspectives, I look at as "how did this happen?" as in, how did the four-star general put the moves on his biographer?

According to the most recent reports, Paula Broadwell was a Superwoman. An intelligence officer in the Army Reserves, a West Point grad, an doctoral student, a Harvard grad, a marathon runner, a career advisor, a wife, and a mother of two. And an author of the biography of one of our most famous living four-star generals. All this by the time she was 37 (correction, 42).

I'm 35, I don't consider myself that much of a slacker, but I haven't done half the things Paula Broadwell has done. And I am surely not going to catch up to her achievements in the next few years. If I consider myself a wee bit of an overachiever, Paula Broadwell is the definition of an insane overachiever.

But even the most motivated overachievers need a break. They need a moment or two to relax and let their uber-competitive guard down. And that's when I bet the general made his move.

(Setting: the general's private quarters, somewhere in Iraq or Afghanistan.)

General Petraeus sees a stressed out Paula Broadwell.

Here, have a glass of wine with me.

It's been a rough day. I see you are working hard. Why don't you take your shoes off?

Isn't that better?

Come here. Let me rub your shoulders.

You are so tense....

(Queue shoulder rub, which leads to the inevitable blah, blah, blah. You get the picture. This isn't a Fanfic site.)

The deed either went down like that or it went down like Tenacious D in the classic ditty "Double Team".

Or maybe, just maybe, it went down like Dark Helmet imagined it would:

Unemployed vets, liberal arts majors, and understanding the economy

A few months ago, I read an article on the increasing unemployment numbers for military veterans, especially those returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. According to David Lerman of Bloomberg News, these veterans, especially those ages 18 to 24, have faced an increasing unemployment rate, “even as the national jobless rate declines”.

Lerman writes about several young military vets in the combat arms who fail to find gainful employment because their job skills don’t transfer to the civilian economy or they fail to communicate what skills they have to civilian employers.

Although I feel bad for anyone who wants to work but can’t find a job, here is the problem: too many recruiters are pushing kids to military jobs that have no bearing on the civilian economy. Jobs such as infantry, artillery, or even military intelligence are not jobs that translate well in the private sector. Without attractive private sector skills, young vets are forced to lean on leadership, discipline, and other intangible factors of their time in the military.  Their rationale is that those skills are so important, people would rather hire them and train them for a specific skill than hire someone with the skill who needs to be groomed to be a leader.

From my private sector experience, that’s not exactly true. Not all companies are looking for a military-style manager. And depending on what type of position needs to be managed, military management might not fit. Even as a manager, you still need to speak the language and understand the culture of the civilian job. Those are things people expect new managers to understand, otherwise you start at the bottom, where basic skills and not leadership experience are more important.

The ill fit of recently discharged young vets is not unlike those who graduate with Art History degree who wonder why the private sector doesn’t want to hire them. It’s because their skills are not marketable or they are not looking in the right places for their skills. Both of these groups, the young vets and the arts & sciences majors, need to understand what the economy needs. It needs computer programmers. It needs engineers. It needs scientists and mathematicians. It is also hiring financial experts, doctors, and web designers.

One should not aspire to be a middle manager without a niche.

In both cases, I blame the recruiters or the counselors. These are the people who should guide young people towards a career they will enjoy, yet one that fits the outlook of the nation. Too many of them are guiding people towards dead end jobs or degrees that are nearly impossible to fit the private sector.

Although they are only 18 to 21, individuals who sign up for the military or who are in college need to consider the economy when making decisions that will affect their future job potential. Especially if they think they will be moving on to other positions eventually. If a soldier loves being infantry and wants to be infantry for 20 years, God bless ‘em, that’s a career move. But if they are only considering being infantry for three or four years, and have no plan beyond that, like the art major who only takes classes because they are fun, that’s a problem.

Now before anyone criticizes me for being anti-military or anti-liberal arts, I am exhibit A on what I am talking about. I did four years in the military then received a degree in English/Creative Writing. Both of which are completely not useful in the civilian sector. I have only worked outside of the Department of Defense or affiliates for my time in college and four months. If I wanted a job in the private sector, I know I would need additional training. And that’s what the money from my trip to Afghanistan will probably go towards.

Motor Pool

Here is another one from the binders from an Article and Essay class I took in Spring of 2002. Interesting to read where my mind was at when I was 24. Also kinda interesting to post this now, as I am on another military adventure. (Note: Some slight grammatical edits made based on the professor's comments. And I changed the names to protect the not-so-innocent.)

About once or twice a year foreign dignitaries, ambassadors, and other important people visit Fort Hood, Texas.  Part of their tour of the post is a drive down Old Ironsides Road, better known as Motorpool Road.  Along this road is the backside of the motor pools of every unit on Fort Hood.  Each motor pool is a huge parking lot for the unit’s vehicles, be they HUMMWVs, Bradley Infantry Fighting Vehicles, service vehicles, or in the case of my unit, the 2^nd Battalion, 8^th Cavalry Regiment, tanks.

I personally hate the motor pool.  I would much rather be working in the air-conditioned office than sweating under the Texas sun in the motor pool.  The motor pool is about a quarter mile from the office and I have to make the walk back and forth at least once a week to do maintenance on my vehicle, an M577 personnel carrier.  There are times when I’ll spend all week at the motor pool working on the vehicle.  Usually, however, my vehicle is in top shape so I am done with maintenance in a day, if not a few hours.

Whenever I walk to the motor pool I always take a peek at who is working in the guard shack.  If I know someone in there I won’t hesitate to say "what’s up".  Usually in the shack is Staff Sergeant Smith, the Battalion Master Driver.  SSG Smith is a strange person.  When in Bosnia he informed me he had a fetish for women who don’t shave.  Some things I just don’t need to know.

Duty in the guard shack rotates throughout each platoon in the battalion.  I’ve done my share.  There is nothing quite like having to stand outside by an entrance gate in 20 degree weather for ten hours.

Walking past the guard shack I enter the main maintenance bay.  This large bay is where drivers in the headquarters unit bring their vehicles to be worked on.  It is also home of the Maintenance Platoon.  Being that maintenance is very important to Army readiness, these guys have a lot of pull with the Headquarters Company Commander.

One of the leaders of the Maintenance Platoon is Staff Sergeant Ford.  SSG Ford is the type of person who seems like he smoked out a little too often before he joined the Army.  He is so laid back it is scary.  And he is in charge of the fine American soldiers that make up the Maintenance Platoon.

Some of these fine Americans include Specialist McDonald, “Johnny Mac”, a guy who joined the Army in his early 30s and can’t wait to leave maintenance so he can work in pharmaceuticals; Private First Class Romeo, who specialized in impersonating the Battalion Commander; and SPC Foley, who had such a high tolerance for alcohol he could down a large bottle of Jack Daniels before going out for the night.

After finally acquiring all the maintenance paperwork I need for my vehicle, I leave the bay.  My vehicle is usually on the far end of the motor pool and I have to walk past everyone else in order to get to it.  Along the way I pass all four of the tank units: Alpha Company, Bravo Company, Charlie Company, and Delta Company.

Each of these tank companies has their own personality.  Alpha Company, or Aces, is a very family oriented unit.  They have very few single soldiers in high profile positions (office work, supplies, etc.).  There is also a large country music, southern, “redneck” vibe to Aces.  Many of their soldiers can be seen wearing cowboy attire in their off time.

Bravo Company, the Bulldogs, seem to take on the personality of their First Sergeant, 1SG Sheller.  He is a fiery, little red headed guy and very dedicated to bringing whatever he was doing to its next level of success.  His soldiers shared that dedication, consistently being one of the highest rated companies in tank-training exercises.

If the Alpha Company Aces were a mature, family, down home country group, then the Charlie Company Cobras were its exact opposite.  They were mostly single soldiers and lived the life.  I had many friends in Charlie Company with whom I would go out drinking.  I also worked on derogatory reports and police blotters when not in the motor pool and Charlie Company’s soldiers came up quite often.  Even my best friends got in trouble for drug use and going AWOL (Absent without official leave- i.e. leaving without telling anyone).

Despite their faults, the Charlie Company Cobras were good and they knew it.  They often competed with Bravo Company for the best company in the battalion.  Charlie Company also included the battalion commander’s personal tank, adding to the prestige of the unit.  He would only ride out with the best.

Lastly, was Delta Company, the Death Dealers.  Despite their imposing name, Death Dealers were possibly the weakest company.  They rarely finished tank-training exercises with impressive scores.  They were nice guys, just not the best tankers.

After passing the tanks on my way to my M577, I find myself in the midst of the mortar platoon’s personnel carriers.  The soldiers of the mortar platoon suffer from an identity crisis.  They are the only infantry soldiers in a tank unit.  They act differently than everyone else as well.  It is not uncommon to see two mortar platoon members wrestling each other for fun.  In contrast, tankers don’t do that.  They are content knowing their tank can either blow up or run over anything opposing them.

Mortar platoon members also hold themselves to a higher standard.  I had the pleasure of rooming with a mortar soldier for two years.  Not only did we have to keep our barracks room to our first sergeant’s high standards, but also to the even higher standards of the mortar platoon sergeant.

Finally, after walking across the entire motor pool, I arrive at my vehicle.  Hopefully, nothing will go wrong when I go through this weeks maintenance checks.  I’d like to get back to the office as quickly as possible.  Maybe I am a spoiled office worker who can’t work without air conditioning.  I still hate the motor pool.

Video of Camp Bedrock, Bosnia

Yesterday I posted an article I wrote about my time at Camp Bedrock in Bosnia in 1998-99. While I was posting it I googled "Camp Bedrock" and found this really cool video. While not as cool as "Flash vs The Aliens" (humble brag), it is pretty awesome and brought back some very cool memories.

Chowtime at Bedrock

Here is another essay I wrote 10 years ago for an Article and Essay class. It is about my experiences while deployed to Bosnia-Herzegovina in 1998-99. Being that I am headed for another long trip working with the military, I think it is fitting to post this here now.

Everything was in place for a good meal: good food, good conversations, good people, and machine guns.  The fortunate, like me, had 9mm pistols instead of M16 rifles.  Thousands of miles from home, it was time to eat at Camp Bedrock, Bosnia-Herzegovina.

To this day I am thankful the Army knew the importance of food on the morale of a soldier.  The dining facility (aka cafeteria) was nothing to laugh at.  It was one of the few semi-permanent buildings on a makeshift basecamp on the top of a rock quarry.  Possibly its best feature was that it was open 24 hours a day.  Bland white walls with our unit crest –the 1st Cavalry Division horse head- posted throughout, marked its interior like a bad attempt at brainwashing.  In the corners of the dining facility sat two large screen televisions, permanently set on the Armed Forces Overseas Network.

We took shifts from duty throughout the day to enjoy a meal made by local Bosnian workers.  Usual American entrees graced the buffet-like area.  An array of vegetables, starches, and meats were on my plate as I walked out to the seating area.

Work in the command post introduced me to many of the other soldiers in my unit.  After a second perusing who was in the dining facility, I knew exactly whom I wanted to eat with.  I walked over to the long white table and took a seat on the plastic white chair right across from Sergeant First Class Smith, Uncle Kev to his friends.

Uncle Kev was an army “lifer”, with about 16 years in service.  A short guy, with a bit of an attitude, he loved to rub people the wrong way.  To his friends and others who may be fortunate enough to share his extremely dry wit, Uncle Kev was the man.

Sitting besides me at the table was Specialist Wayne.  Wayne was very unique, to say the least.  He was one of the few people I have ever met who called his beer belly a “Buddha Belly” and claimed it attracted women.  Wayne’s physical “attributes” didn’t end there.  He would often have trouble eating due to the fact that he lost his two front teeth.  This unfortunate predicament led Uncle Kev and I to dub him the OTB, or Old Toothless Bastard.

In the Army, everyone has their share of nicknames and I wasn’t an exception.  While in Bosnia, I was known as Lawdy Law (a play on my last name), Busta Zit (for a never forgotten large pimple I had on my forehead for a day), to the HEB- Hoagie Eatin’ Bastard (for my habit of getting late night dining facility sandwiches).

There was never any of the stereotypical military speed eating when Uncle Kev, Wayne, and I were together.  We would constantly poke fun at any target we could find, to include each other.  None of it was malicious; it was all good-natured fun.  Being quick with either a comeback or a new subject was a necessity.

Although we rarely went to the dining facility during prime meal time hours when the dining facility was packed with people, we were never alone.  Because of the around the clock nature of the US peacekeeping mission in Bosnia, there were always soldiers coming to and going from the dining facility.  These soldiers provided some of the most ample targets for humor.

One afternoon, for example, a soldier with an extremely large head entered the dining facility.  Uncle Kev was quick to whisper to Wayne and I that we should look to our left.  Whispering was a very handy tool used quite often when talking about people in our vicinity.  Sure enough, when we saw what Uncle Kev was referring to, Wayne and I laughed.  He did have a huge head.  Then Uncle Kev joined us in laughter, with others in dining facility left to wonder what was so funny.  Situations like that made it very hard to get any food eaten so we could return to work.

After our seven months being stationed in Bosnia, my unit deployed back to the states.  Although Wayne, Uncle Kev, and myself would get together to eat sometimes, nothing we said or did would compare to the times when humor got us through the day thousands of miles from home.

Thoughts on the Soldier and the Citizen

When went on active duty in August 1995, I was told the Army was “different” than it used to be. Career NCOs preached that the military wasn’t as “tough” and that it was getting “sensitive”. I heard rumors of recruits using “stress cards” to stop drill sergeants from yelling at them. There were complaints that women had to do less, had easier jobs, and should be held up to the same standards across the board, including physical fitness.

I never understood any of it. I have always subscribed to the notion that the military was a reflection of society and should even be more forward on social causes than the general populace, not less, whether in the areas of sex, race, religion, or sexual orientation.

Recently, I’ve read several articles by authors who feel the military system is changing too much. Articles like Philip Ewing’s October 2011 piece “It’s No Longer Our Military, It Hasn’t Been For Years” and Robert D. Kaplan's 2007 piece “On Forgetting the Obvious” speak about a changing in attitude towards the US military and how that attitude is slowly permeating our fighting forces, and how this nonchalant attitude towards national security could render the military less effective than in years past. Both authors claim those in the service understand their mission more than the general population of the United States and therefore the American citizenry should be forced to do more, including possibly drafting citizens (or maybe non-citizens) into the military.

But these arguments are flimsy at best, false propaganda for the military-industrial complex at worst. They are the same arguments people used to keep African-Americans in separate units, keep openly gay Americans out of the military, and continue to keep women from combat arms positions. The bottom line is that these arguments do not reflect the reality of today’s American culture. They do not reflect a global world view in which cultures are connecting and merging more than ever before. Yes, there are cultural hotspots, both in America and across the world, but they are growing smaller and we are learning how to deal with them better with every passing day.

This growth in multi-culturalism has created a new and different American identity – one not based on nationalism or even civic pride, but based on smaller communities of brands, industries, groups, sports teams, or even forms of entertainment. I would not be surprised if Mac, iPhone, iPod, and iPad users rate their loyalty to Apple higher than they do to America. For many, this would be an unspeakable wrong, but if it is true, it is the reality we live in.

Whereas Kaplan bases his idea on theory (making it difficult to factually counter), Ewing tries to use selected statistics to promote his argument. He cites Robert Burns’ recent article on military member’s views on the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars as reason for a civil-military disconnect. Burns discusses a Pew Research Center study claiming military members believe the wars are worth fighting more so than civilians. Ewing states this as a reason the American public doesn’t “get” the military’s mission. However, this logic is put to the test by another Pew Research Center statistic that says military members on the front lines believe the war is worth fighting more than those who haven’t seen combat.

So the closer people are to something and the more they put their time and effort into it, the more they believe in it? That has nothing to do with politics, the military, or war. That’s human nature. There are automobile commercials that hinge on that very premise.

There is no doubt in my mind a non-volunteer army would not work – forcing people to fit into the American military culture would be resisted. It was resisted in the 1960s and would be even more resisted today. Logically, it doesn’t make sense. How can elected leaders force those who voted for them to die for them? Lawmakers don’t force people to vote or participate in the political process, why force them to be involved in the military process? Just like voting results are their decision, if the majority of the American people want to be under Chinese, Russian, or even Sharia rule, that is also their decision. That’s the true definition of democracy. If a minority moves from another land, becomes a majority, and enacts their own laws and rules, then that is the natural evolution of the laws of the area. The Native Americans can attest to that. Maybe the American general populace of Ewing and Kaplan will react only after such rules have been enacted. But again, if they do so, that’s their decision.

In my experience and what I have told prospective recruits for years, is that you have to want to be part of the military lifestyle. Especially in today’s American culture where we promote individuality and the celebration of differences, assimilating into the military way of life is not for everyone. The strict rigidness of the military is so different from the business world or civilian life. For those used to an artesian perspective, the military does not promote a sense of creativity. For those used to a business perspective, the military lacks adaptability as there is no “competition” and the inability to expressively define freedom creates an ambiguous end-product people with a business mind are not familiar with. One-size-fits-all might fit the military, but we cannot expect it to fit a majority of Americans unless they are willing to voluntarily put their individuality aside.

Ewing and Kaplan also claim the general public has lost touch with the military. If we want to incorporate military members into the greater society in America, we need to remove the social isolationism of the military, a phenomenon that has been growing since the end of the Civil War and the emphasis away from militias and on a national force. There are a few steps we can take besides forcing citizens into the military.

First, we can remove base housing in America. Make military members our neighbors. Let them talk about their jobs at our BBQ and at kids’ soccer games. This is will not only educate non-military citizens about the military, but also move the sense of community from the base to the neighborhood, where neighbors would be more likely to assist the wife or husband of a deployed neighbor before a unit-mate who is left behind.

Second, we can remove base/post exchanges and other life support facilities. I understand why those facilities are essential overseas. They provide a sense of comfort and security. But in America, they are a hindrance to the society understanding the jobs and functions performed on a military base. Let the troops shop at Wal-Mart, which often times even has greater discounts than the PX/BX.

In a perfect world, the actions of a military should reflect the desires of a populace. The people vote for politicians who represent them. A part of that citizenship decides to join the military to protect the citizenship. The politicians decide, and in some cases vote, to send the military to war. If the people disagree, they can vote out the politicians and vote in people who will end the conflicts.

That is why in a way, I tend towards supporting the idea of removing the military’s ability to vote. The military should not be able to vote on their own future. They are a tool of the citizenry.

Additionally, the over-classification of the military adds to disconnect. Not enough people file Freedom of Information Act requests for the masses to know exactly what goes on with the military they financially support. Of course, there are classified special operations and intelligence actions that might jeopardize national security, but how about unclassified operations? How about opening the books on who does what and how they do it and make it easily available? How about ride-alongs and things that would get kids interested? That’s a public affairs issue. The military needs to get their message out better. Don’t rely on the media. The military needs to create its own perception. Encourage soldier blogs, tweets, and endorsements.

It is not the public’s fault the military is changing. That is the natural evolution of societies. If Americans want to abandon the traditional pro-American cause as the Russian people abandoned the Czar in World War I, that is their choice. Grasping at straws and suggesting those in the military, or those with military affiliations or backgrounds, know best in regards to how the military should be socially constructed is pretentious, elitist, and against all our citizen soldiers should stand for.

Flash vs The Aliens: The Earlier Adventures of Flash Hercules Part 4

Part 4 of my magnum opus is now up. You can see Part 1 here , Part 2 here, and Part 3 here.




Let me know what you think. For someone who never made a movie and found this movie recorded on an VHS tape, I think it turned out quite good.

Flash vs The Aliens: The Early Adventures of Flash Hercules - Part 3

Part 3 of my magnum opus is now up. You can see Part 1 and Part 2 here.



 Thanks for checking it out. Part 4 coming soon.