Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts

Monday, August 17, 2026

Not so serious movie reviews - Raw Force, The Realtor, The Cat From Outer Space, and Ilsa She-Wolf of the SS


 

 I’ve watched 47 movies this year. I’ve only told you guys about a few of them. Here are a few more:


Raw Force (1982) - watched 10 Apr 2026

Do you like boobs? If so, you will like Raw Force.

Do you like butts? If so, you will like Raw Force.

Do you like kung-fu? If so, you will like Raw Force.

Do you like zombies? If so, you will like Raw Force.

Do you like explosions? If so, you will like Raw Force.

Do you like bartenders with really weird haircuts? If so, you will like Raw Force.

If you read all this, you will like Raw Force.

Go watch it now.

Grade: 5 stars out of 5



The Realtor (2024) - watched 22 May 2026

A wrestling real estate agent? A guy who finds his confidence in the ring? Rob Van Damm, Sgt Slaughter, and Jake the Snake? Tommy Davidson? A secret cult of successful realtors? Alas, so much unmet potential. The plot meandered. There wasn’t much of a conflict. There wasn’t much of a build. The wrestling was realistic but the organizations were not. There were parts that didn’t work. And did it take place in Philly or Baltimore? It seemed to jump cities for no reason. Low budget or not, I wanted to really like this. It could have been a classic. They could have taken the money spent on cameos and paid better writers.

Grade: 2 foreclosed stars out of 5



The Cat from Outer Space (1978) - watched 18 Jun 2026

When I asked my cat if this was a true story, he denied everything. But I think he is lying.

Fun old school Disney family movie.

Grade: 4 stars out of 5



Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975) - watched 14 Jul 2026

I’ll be watching Tom & Jerry cartoons until this disappears from my brain.

A movie about a Nazi torture camp run by a sadistic woman who does experiments on captured women. While trying to prove women can withstand more pain than men and proving her prowess to the leadership of the Third Reich, she puts the women of the camp through several scenes of utter repulsiveness. When a senior German general arrives for a visit, she puts on a show and tell not for the squeamish.

Why was this movie made? Why did they make sequels?

Grade 2 highly disturbing stars out of 5

Wednesday, August 5, 2026

Beast Mode - Premier Showing at Sun-Ray Cinema!

 

I am really excited to announce that Joel D. Wynkoop’s Beast Mode will be screening at Sun-Ray Cinema in Tampa on Wednesday, August 19th at 7:15pm.

You can see me on the big screen as reporter/newscaster Jordi Scrubbings, host of the Jordi Scrubbings Show. This is my first major film appearance and I could not be happier how the movie turned out. Joel incorporated some of my old comedy and Afro-Squad images and let me mostly improv my scenes. Jordi Scrubbings in the Wynkoop-Sunnyville Universe is the crossover you never thought you would see!

But you can see it! This August 19th at Sun-Ray Cinema in Tampa, located at 12332 University Mall Court, Tampa , FL 33612.

I will be there, of course. Joel will also be there. We might both have tables of merch as well. If you like Beast Mode, I highly recommend picking up Joel’s other movies such as Lost Faith or Dirty Cop, No Donut.

If we get a good crowd, maybe Sun-Ray will have us back! Maybe Beast Mode will be the underground, low-budget horror hit of the year!

Monday, June 29, 2026

Not so Serious Movie Review: Catnado (2022)

 




Not even worth a review full of cat puns. Your cat will judge you for watching this.

Catnado had a few highlights but was overall a low budget cat-astrophy.

Several mini movies pieced together by one not-so-special effect of a cat-tornado.

2 tabby stars of 5

Monday, May 25, 2026

Review of Joel D Wynkoop's Beast Mode by Septum Sin

Check out this review of Joel D Wynkoop's Beast Mode by youtube movie reviewer Septum Sin. Septum Sin has seen other Joel movies and is a fan of independent cinema. This is a good review that gives a overview of the plot and production of the movie.

If you want a copy of Beast Mode, either contact me or find Joel Wynkoop on Facebook and send him a DM.

 


Monday, May 18, 2026

Early review of Joel Wynkoop's Beast Mode by horror director Phil Herman

 

Joel D. Wynkoop’s new movie Beast Mode was shown for the first time a few weeks ago at the Tampa Bay Screams horror festival in Clearwater, Florida. As I might have mentioned a few dozen times, I am in the movie as newscaster Jordi Scrubbings. I want it to be a cult classic, viewed by thousands in indie theaters everywhere. But to get there, it has to be good. And so far, according to reviews, it is.

Here is a great review indie horror director Phil Herman posted on imdb.com. Parts about me are italicized by me. Perhaps acting can be another creative arrow in my quill. Even if this is my only role ever, Jordi Scrubbings will live forever in cinema, and that makes me happy.

Currently, Beast Mode is only available by contacting Joel Wynkoop. I hope to have DVD and Blu-Ray copies soon and hopefully it will be on a streaming platform in the near future. I will be sure to let everyone know.

Joel D. Wynkoop returns with another wild, energetic ride in Beast Mode!

Joel D. Wynkoop returns with another wild, energetic ride in Beast Mode a Low budget horror comedy that proudly embraces everything fans have come to expect from his filmmaking style: outrageous fun, over the top characters, practical effects, humor, heart, and pure independent movie passion.

Written, directed by, and starring Joel D. Wynkoop himself, Beast Mode tells the story of Mark Butters, an ordinary man with dreams of becoming a superhero. But instead of turning into the savior he imagines, fate has other plans when he accidentally transforms into something monstrous. From there, the film launches into a chaotic blend of horror, comedy, and creature feature madness that never takes itself too seriously and honestly works better because of it.

The Jordi Scrubbings Show opens the movie with a hilarious talk show host performance by Michael Lortz that perfectly sets the tone for the insanity that’s coming. It immediately throws you into the bizarre world of Beast Mode while introducing us to Mark Butters, played by Joel D. Wynkoop.

Busty Barbara and Happy Mary are absolutely hysterical in the opening sequence as they’re chased by a werewolf and handle the situation exactly how you’d expect in this kind of over-the-top universe. Their performances are genuinely funny and help introduce our humble but troubled hero, Mark Butters.

Mark is a character who mixes fantasy with reality, costing him both his job and his marriage. Beneath all the outrageous comedy and creature chaos, there’s actually something sad about him. As the film progresses, the innocent and humble Mark slowly festers on the edge, and by the end I honestly found myself feeling bad for him.

A special appearance by Bob Glazier as Mark’s grandfather is surprisingly heartwarming and leads into a montage that helps explain why Mark becomes what he does not the superhero of his dreams, but a monster instead. It adds an unexpected emotional layer to the madness.

What makes Beast Mode enjoyable is that it knows exactly what kind of movie it wants to be. This isn’t polished Hollywood horror it’s unapologetically independent filmmaking driven by creativity and personality. Joel D. Wynkoop has always made films for people who appreciate grassroots cinema, cult horror, and filmmakers who simply love making movies. That passion shows in every scene.

The practical monster effects and makeup have a gritty charm that old school horror fans will appreciate, and the movie keeps a fast pace with plenty of bizarre moments, laughs, and entertaining performances. There’s a fun “anything can happen” energy throughout the film that keeps it engaging.

The supporting cast also adds to the fun. Horror legend Lloyd Kaufman brings his trademark cult-film presence, while scream queen Debbie Rochon delivers exactly the kind of genre performance fans will enjoy. Anthony Wayne, M Catherine Wynkoop, Sean Donohue, Dustin Hubbard, Jose Dieguez, and Jim Tanner all help create the movie’s fun ensemble atmosphere.

One of the biggest strengths of Beast Mode is its personality. It feels handmade in the best possible way like a group of friends got together to create something entertaining for horror fans rather than chasing trends or studio formulas. That sincerity gives the film charm and makes it easy to root for.

Fans of underground horror, Troma style comedy, creature features, and classic shot on video cult cinema will likely have a blast with this one. It’s the type of movie best enjoyed with fellow horror fans who appreciate practical effects, outrageous situations, and filmmakers who wear their love for cinema on their sleeve.

And definitely stay through the end credits there’s a fun final scene that makes it worth it.

In closing, we seriously need a weekly Jordi Scrubbings Show. I loved every one of his segments.

Beast Mode isn’t trying to reinvent horror it’s trying to entertain, and it succeeds through enthusiasm, creativity, humor, heart, and pure indie spirit.

Thursday, April 9, 2026

Not so serious movie reviews - Zombies, Kung-fu, and a Giant Poop Monster

 

Wrapping up my latest cinematic adventures. If you want to read all my movie reviews, check out my profile on letterboxd.

Redneck Zombies (1987)

One of my favorite movies ever. I saw it 30 years ago and it stayed with me like herpes. The need to watch it again flared up and I embraced it with all its glory. It’s gross, it’s bloody, it’s cheap, it’s fun. Everything video herpes should be.

Grade: 5 moonshine still stars out of 5. They don’t get much better than this.

.

Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies (2014)

I’ve seen Strippers vs Zombies, Zombies vs Strippers, Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies, Kung Fu vs Zombies, and Ninjas vs Zombies. All better than this.

If WWF legend Rowdy Roddy Piper is carrying your movie, that’s not saying much. I like Roddy Piper. But he should be a fun side character. Not your main event.

So many plot holes, missed spots, botches, and stiff acting. I like low budget movies. I like Troma Films. I like zombie flicks. I like wrestling. I loved The Unbreakable Bunch. This was not good.

Grade: 2 botched zombie slams out of 5

.

Master of the Flying Guillotine (1976)

You don’t watch kung fu for the plot. You watch for the fight scenes. And this is one of the best. Also the basis of a lot of video game characters from Mortal Kombat to Street Fighter. Definitely a movie to lose your head for.

Grade: 5 flying stars out of 5

.

Monsturd (2003)

From the bowels of Geoffery Chaucer’s The Miller’s Tale and Shakepeare’s bawdy toilet humor comes 2003’s epic horror comedy Monsturd. It’s lewd, it’s crude, it’s sophomoric and amateur. But therein lies the beauty of Monsturd.

A prisoner escapes, gets mixed with toxic waste, and becomes a killer shitmonster. This is the kind of story we will be telling for generations to come. It is relatable on every level because everyone poops.

500 years from now our great-great-great-great-great-great grandchildren will appreciate Monsturd, just as today we appreciate Chaucer’s lewd humor of the 16th century.

Grade: 4 peanut poops out of 5


Saturday, March 28, 2026

Clip of Joel D Wynkoop's Beast Mode featuring Jordi Scrubbings

 

Joel D Wynkoop's new movie Beast Mode is coming soon and I am in it. I play a daily news host named Jordi Scrubbings who reports on the brutal murders happening in Sunnyville, FL.

Saturday, March 21, 2026

Not so Serious Movie Review: Invasion USA (1985)

 

Should be called Chuck Norris: Christmas Vacation. 

Chuck Norris goes to Florida, wrestles an alligator, drinks some beers, and stops a terrorist army from destroying America. Based on a real Tuesday in the life of Chuck Norris. 

RIP to the legend.

Wednesday, January 28, 2026

My 2025 Year in Movies


I watched quite a lot of movies in 2025. Sixty-nine (nice!) to be exact. That's a lot. I also joined Letterboxd to keep track of what I have watched. I recommend Letterboxd. It is not really a social site, but it is a great place to review the movies you watch.

In 2025, the most popular movie I watched was Sinners, by far. It was probably my favorite movie of the year. I talked about Sinners on my youtube page as well as on my tiktok. I also wrote a review of Sinners on American Blues Scene. 

But 2025 was more than Hollywood blockbusters about vampires and the Blues. It was also the year I dove into the Joel Wynkoop filmography. After discovering Joel in Clownado in the end of 2024, I watched six Joel Wynkoop movies in 2025.

  • The Craiglon Incident I
  • The Craiglon Incident II
  • The Craiglon Incident III
  • Indiscretions
  • Strip Club Slasher
  • Dirty Cop, No Donut 

According to Letterboxd, my favorite types of movies are: 

 

I don't disagree. Here is the entire list of movies I watched in 2025.

  • Hologram Man (1995) ★★
  • Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010) ★★★★
  • FX's A Christmas Carol (2019) ★★★★
  • He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special (1985) ★★★
  • Escape from Angola (1976) ★
  • Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988) ★★★
  • Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure (2003) ★
  • The NeverEnding Story (1984) ★★★★★
  • Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) ★★★★
  • The Dark Crystal (1982) ★★★★★
  • Poster for Rock Star (2001) ★★★★
  • Nuremberg (2025) ★★★★★
  • From Justin to Kelly (2003) ★
  • Shaft (1971) ★★★★★
  • Fart: A Documentary (2016) ★★★
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) ★★★
  • Scream, Queen! My Nightmare on Elm Street (2019)  ★★★★
  • Devil's Partner (1961) ★★★
  • Santa Jaws (2018) ★★★★★
  • Dante's Hell Animated (2013) ★★★
  • Mahakaal (1994) ★★★★
  • Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970) ★★★★
  • Strip Club Slasher (2010) ★★
  • HIM (2025) ★★★
  • Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College (1990) ★★
  • Grunt! The Wrestling Movie (1985) ★★★★★
  • Laserblast (1978) ★★
  • Electrocuting an Elephant (1903) ★
  • Waitress! (1982) ★★
  • Monster (2008) ★★
  • The Devil's Advocate (1997) ★★★★★
  • Happy Gilmore 2 (2025) ★★★★
  • Suburban Commando (1991)  ★★
  • Gone (2002) ★
  • Satyr Monks (1994) ★★★
  • 5-25-77 (2008) ★★★★★
  • Shaolin Iron Finger (1977) ★★★
  • The Craiglon Incident III: Annihilation (2022) ★★
  • The Craiglon Incident II: Aftermath (2021) ★★★
  • The Craiglon Incident (2021) ★★★
  • The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974) ★★★★
  • Indiscretions (2009) ★★
  • Cloak & Dagger (1984) ★★★
  • Werewolves on Wheels (1971) ★★★
  • Warlock: The Armageddon (1993) ★★★
  • Fanboys (2009) ★★★★
  • The Beast Comes At Midnight (2023) ★★★★
  • Warlock (1989) ★★★★
  • Sinners (2025) ★★★★★
  • Nothing But a Man (1964) ★★★★★
  • Desperate Cargo (1941) ★★★
  • Robo Vampire (1988) ★★★★★
  • Just a Bit Outside: The Story of the 1982 Milwaukee Brewers (2024) ★★★★
  • Blackenstein (1973) ★★★
  • Disorderlies (1987) ★★★★
  • Dirty Cop No Donut (1999) ★★★★
  • I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988) ★★★★
  • Eephus (2024) ★★★
  • Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990) ★★★★
  • Studio 666 (2022) ★★★★
  • Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp (2003) ★★★
  • Deathgasm (2015) ★★★★★
  • Ernest in the Army (1998) ★★
  • Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984) ★★★★
  • Paganini Horror (1989) ★★★
  • The Devil's Nightmare (1971) ★★★★
  • Zombie Strippers! (2008) ★★★
  • Freak City (1999) ★★★★
  • Wizards (1977) ★★★★

Monday, January 5, 2026

Not so Serious Movie Review: From Justin to Kelly


 

My latest not so serious cinematic misadventure: From Justin to Kelly (2003)

I have been putting this movie off for years. The time wasn't right.

But there is never a good time for this movie. Ever. According to the internet, forcing someone to watch this is punishable in 47 countries. Any viewing is considered cruel and unusual punishment in Rwanda, Singapore, and Turkmenistan.

This movie makes the Star Wars Christmas Special look like Casablanca.

Grade: 1 sunburnt generic bikini song of 5

Saturday, December 27, 2025

Not so Serious Movie Review: He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special (1985)

 

Kinda a mess, kinda warms my heart.

Takes a lot of creative liberties in the plot. I have so many questions. Still, a million times better than the Star Wars Holiday Special.

  • How did Skeletor and two kids walk from snowy mountains to a desert in five minutes?
  • Why do I think Miguel and Alisha are from Spain? Does Orko land in the Pyrenees?
  • Why does Skeletor ditch his lackies and go solo for the rest of the show?
  • What was Horde Prime going to do with the kids if he got them? Why is he endangered by Christmas?
  • What was the point of the tall robots?
  • Why did they put She-Ra in the bubble and then walk away? Why were they there in the first place?
  • Why did Man-At-Arms create a device that requires a crystal from another planet?
  • Was the Beast Monster's lake connected to other bodies of water? If not, how did the mermaid lady get there?
  • How does He-Man's flying motorcycle fly with no pilot?

Grade: 3 flying wizard ghosts out of 5 

Thursday, December 25, 2025

Not so Serious Movie Review: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

 

This is a cult classic. An MST3K classic as well. It is widely regarded as a flop and one of the worst movies ever.

I have watched some bad movies. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is not that bad. It is infinitely better than The Star Wars Holiday Special.

As goofy as this movie is, it sticks to the plot. It's just low budget. It is hardly the worst low budget movie of all time. I am not sure where this movie got its bad reputation from.

Is it a top 5 holiday movie? No. Top 100 holiday movie? Probably not.

But if you are looking for campy holiday fun, you might want to check out Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It is definitely more of a Christmas movie than Die Hard. I would also watch this before 99% of the Lifetime Holiday Movies. They don't have a guy in a cheap bear suit.

Grade: 4 goofy galactic stars out of 5 

Wednesday, December 24, 2025

Not so Serious Movie Review: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure (2003)

 

Why?

It's bad. 

Not as bad as The Star Wars Holiday Special, but far worse than Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

I would rather watch Cousin Eddie empty the sh*tter for 90 minutes.

I'm sorry I told you this movie exists.

Don't watch it.

Grade: 1 metal head plates out of 5 

Tuesday, November 25, 2025

Making Beast Mode with Joel D Wynkoop

 

A few months ago, I reviewed Sharknado starring Joel D Wynkoop. Joel is known as the "King of the B Movies" and lives near Tampa. I've been following him on social media for years.

When he posted on facebook that he was looking for people to be in his latest film "Beast Mode", I answered the call. Keep in mind, I don't have much acting experience. As a matter of fact, my IMDB page only lists my roles in "Flash Vs The Aliens" and my appearance in comedian John Jacob's Steak Break as my only roles. Which is 100% true because I made my IMDB page that is legitimately all I have been in.

To my surprise, Joel wanted me to be a news reporter. I had to interview the superhero known as Ray Blast, defender of Sunnyville. That's right up my alley. Perfect casting.

From what I heard, Beast Mode will be released in early 2026. About the same time as my new novel. 2026 is turning into a big year for my creative projects.

Many thanks to Joel and his wife Cathy for letting me be involved in Beast Mode. I hope this is the start of something new and fun that I can add to my creative legacy.

Sunday, September 28, 2025

Not so Serious Movie Review: Ghoulies 3 - Ghoulies Go To College

 

If Beavis and Butt-Head wrote a movie about little monsters on a college campus, it would be Ghoulies III. Low budget horror without the horror. That said, I did like Kevin McCarty in this role. He was also good in the Twilight Zone Movie. And Eva LaRue is a 90s babe.

Maybe this is what college was like in the early 90s. They should mash this movie with How High and have the Ghoulies only show up when magic weed is smoked. If you are gonna go weird, might as well go all the way.

Grade: 2 spooky frat toilette bowls out of 5 

Sunday, September 21, 2025

Movie Review: HIM (2025)

 

So much unfulfilled potential. All style, no substance. A lot of tangents that didn't contribute enough to the story. The main character was just along for the ride. It was Eyes Wide Shut with football.
Not in my top 10 deals with the Devil movies.

Grade: 3 bloody footballs out of 5 

Monday, July 28, 2025

Not So Serious Movie Review: Gone (2002)

 

Did you know car alarms are Satan's music?

I thought it was heavy metal.

Did you know Satan invented the Super Bowl?

Not all football Sundays, just The Big Game.

Preachy, low budget movie about three lawyers trapped in the Philippines when Thanos snapped his fingers and half the population disappeared.

The lawyers blame God and rapture because they see a homeless man with a sign and there are no Avengers in the Philippines, but the real ones know.

Grade: 1 apocalyptic star of 5 

Monday, July 21, 2025

Not So Serious Movie Review: Warlock 2 - The Armageddon

 

Low budget sorta-sequel with less terror. Julian Sands is back but in a slightly different role. Some decent special effects, but not much else. An odd cameo from Billy from Gremlins. Otherwise, a poor decision to extend the Warlock brand. The camera work and set look like a college movie and while Warlock collects stones a la Thanos and our hero uses the Force to project a baseball to bootleg Star Wars music. 

Poorly written, poorly executed.

Grade: 3 son of Satan stars of 5 

Saturday, June 21, 2025

Not so Serious Movie Review: The Craiglon Incident Part 1, 2, 3


The Craiglon Incident is independent film legend Joel D Wynkoop's 6-hr COVID-19 project. I watched all the parts, in three 2hr DVDs. I reviewed them all on Letterboxd. Here are my reviews:

 

THE CRAIGLON INCIDENT PART 1:

Gotta appreciate the creativity and effort deep in the midst of the era of COVID-19. I also love a good alien invasion movie. Minus one star for the audio, which is sometimes either way too loud or too low. And the end zoomcall drags too long. But I see what they were trying to do. Fun project.
Bracing myself for 4 more hours of Craiglon sequels.

Grade: 3 stars of 5

 

THE CRAIGLON INCIDENT PART 2: AFTERMATH :

Slightly better than the first as there is more action. Also sound is more level. The aliens finally meet their match in Parsons and his elite strike team. Many aliens died during this movie. But that's not a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it's a good thing because the aliens wanted to kill all the humans on all the different earths in all the different dimensions. But Parsons is a good shot and the aliens are not good with firearms so they miss a lot. But Parsons doesn't miss. He is kinda like Judge Judy in that he is the best at what he does.

Grade: 3 stars of 5

 

THE CRAIGLON INCIDENT PART 3: ANNIHILATION:

 Not as good as Part 2. Slowed down the momentum. Had some fun scenes - especially when Joel D Wynkoop met his other characters - but then the movie veered off to material that should have fit Part 1 until the final 30 minutes wrapped it up. Audacious project and overall fun. But getting through the whole series is an accomplishment.

Grade: 2 stars of 5

 

Overall, I would give the 6-hour project 3 stars. It is a lot. But it is enjoyable. 

Tuesday, April 8, 2025

Review of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

 


(I wrote this review a long time ago on medium.com. That website sucks these days, so I am reposting it here.)

Over a year ago, I wrote what I thought should happen in the 9th episode of the Skywalker Saga. It was the first time I prognosticated how a Star Wars movie would progress. I typically like to be surprised.

My story had the Resistance hiding on Mandalore under the watch of Queen Sabine Ren. Leia dies early, has a Mandalorian funeral, and Sabine assists the cause. Chewbacca, Rey, Finn, and Poe join Mandalorians to fight the Knights of Ren and the First Order, while Lando, C-3PO, and Rose Tico go to Coruscant to rally the galaxy to the cause.

Turns out I was wrong on quite a bit. I knew that would happen. But I was surprisingly right on a few things.

Overall, I thought Rise of Skywalker was better than The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, but not as good as Rogue One. If Episode 1 and 2 are at the bottom, Rise of Skywalker is with Solo and Return of the Jedi as a middle of the pack Star Wars movie.

(Warning: SPOILERS) (Warning: SPOILERS) (Warning: SPOILERS)

Let’s start with how I was wrong.

Mandalorians


I wrote that General Organa would take the Resistance to Mandalore, where they would regroup and join forces with the Mandalorians in their disdain for the First Order. Seeing Mandalorians and the Dark Saber on the big screen would wow Star Wars fans. I even connected Episode 9 to the Rebels show via an older Sabine Ren.

I wrote my article in late August 2018. In early October 2018, Disney announced The Mandalorian show would premier on Disney+. The Mandalorian has been a huge success for Disney and Star Wars lore.

That Mandalorians were not in Episode 9 makes sense. If they were Episode 9 and in a new show at the same time, it would have been Mandalorian overkill.

I foresaw the importance of Mandalorians, just in the wrong part of the story.

Death of Leia

In my Episode 9, General Leia Organa dies early, unrelated to the rest of the story. She dies on Mandalore and is given a moving funeral scene, with a special appearance by the specter of Luke Skywalker and the arrival of Lando Calrissian.

That of course did not happen as she had a role in almost 2/3 of the movie before projecting herself to distract Kylo Ren, so Rey could stab him, cure him, and then abandon him on an Endor moon, where he would talk to the vision of Han Solo.

Vastly different from how I projected.

The Return of Lando

As I mentioned, in my Episode 9, Lando arrives early in the movie. He has a moment with Chewbacca in which they reflect on the death of Han Solo. He then goes on a political quest to Coruscant with C-3PO and Rose Tico, rounding up support for the Resistance.

I got that part sorta right. Lando has a short moment with Chewbacca in the company of the other characters who magically know who he is. He also rounds up support for the Resistance, although he does this in minutes, rather than through a scene.

I also had Rose Tico joining Lando so she could give an emotional speech about her sister, her life, etc. That would have continued her role for The Last Jedi. It would not have her as a main character, but not completely minimized her.

What I didn’t care for is Lando’s fairy godfather trope to Poe when he questions if he could lead the Resistance. Lando gives a revisionist history pep talk that he, Han, and Leia led the Rebellion when actually it was led by the strategic prowess of Admiral Ackbar and political know-how of Mon Mothma, neither of whom are utilized much in the sequel trilogy.

Death of Chewbacca … or not

In my post, I mentioned that killing off other legacy characters would be a mistake. The audience has already dealt with the death of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and Princess Leia.

JJ Abrams teased viewers with the death of Chewbacca and the memory loss of C-3PO. Then brought them both back. Was the audience supposed to take those scenes seriously? Were we supposed to think Chewbacca was really gone?

The Sith dagger

Nothing about the Sith dagger was relevant. The entire plot point could have been cut. When the ancient dagger was aligned with the outline of a wreck, it told where the other Sith wayfinder was. But what if our heroes were at a different angle? What if a tidal wave altered the landscape of the wreckage? Please don’t write that weak plot point off as “the will of the Force”.

The dagger could have been used by Rey to kill Palpatine or herself, but it was forgotten once it was used on the moon of Endor. A total mcguffin.

Too much running around

One of many complaints I had with The Last Jedi was that it was too local. It didn’t have a galactic feel. I had the opposite feeling in Rise of Skywalker. Planet hopping to and fro to decipher a map on a dagger was very Indiana Jones or Goonies. Rise of Skywalker reminded me of a galactic Shawn of the Dead :

  • Leave Ajan Kloss
  • Go to Pasaana, meet Lando, pick up the dagger, lose Chewie (oops!)
  • Go to Kijimi, erase C-3PO (sorry 3PO!), translate the dagger
  • Rescue Chewie (yay!)
  • Go to Kef Bir, make friends, find wayfinder, stab Kylo (sorry!), heal Kylo (yay?)
  • Go back to Ajan Kloss (everyone but Rey)
  • Go to Ach-to (Rey only), talk to Luke, fly Luke’s X-Wing
  • Go to Exegol (everyone), fight bad guys
  • Go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for the rest of war to blow over
  • And as Professor Stephen M. Saideman notes, all of this in 16 hours.


Reliance on old baddies

One of my biggest gripes with The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi was that the First Order was militarily incompetent. Hux was a terrible commander. In my estimation, I wrote that the First Order must “bring in new technology or their own new allies to tip the balance of power”. By bringing in the Emperor, former Imperial Officers, and the Final Order, JJ Abrams gave a challenge to the heroes.

The good guys needed something to fear to make their trials believable. They needed an uphill climb. The Emperor and a massive fleet of planet-destroying Star Destroyers (suspend acquisition logic!) met that qualification.

Poe and Finn

Neither of these characters were well-developed in the new trilogy. Poe should have stayed a side character, a la Wedge. Finn had too much Jar-Jar Binks in him. He was caught in himself or too infatuated with Rey to see the big picture. In pro wrestling terms, they were mid-carders trying to carry the show.

Star Wars military ranks

How the Rebel Alliance and the Resistance promoted volunteers baffles me. In Return of the Jedi, Lando Calrissian immediately became a general. In Rise of Skywalker, Poe is promoted from Captain to General. Poe then gives Finn the rank of general. How? Why?

Further frustrating is the sidelining of Nien Numb, an experienced military leader, for Finn, a former janitor and ground soldier.

Lack of connections to cartoons

The appearance of the Ghost and the voice of Kanan and Ahsoka encouraging Rey are the only connections to the cartoons. Rogue One and Solo had more of a connection. I think that was a missed opportunity by JJ Abrams.

In my post, I suggested Rey go to Coruscant and re-open the Jedi Temple. The young stable boy from The Last Jedi could make an appearance, as could an elder Ahsoka Tano, as well as an array of Force ghosts. Ahsoka assisting the re-opening of the Jedi Temple would give a positive end to her story with the Jedi as well as it give the temple immense credibility.

Closing the Saga

If you made it this far, thank you.

Overall, I really enjoyed Rise of Skywalker. As Rebecca Fleenor of CNET wrote, if you focus on Kyle Ren, the movie is a great story about the redemption of the Jedi and the Skywalker name. The first trilogy was about the downfall of the Jedi, the second trilogy was the return of the Jedi, the last trilogy was the rebirth of the Jedi.

I like that perspective.