Let's talk about ice skating. Wait, just hear me out before you moan and groan. The other day I was flipping the channels and caught one of those ice dancing perfomances, you know, the Brian Boitano-Kristy Yamaguchi-specials, when I had an epiphany.
Strippers on Ice.
Why not put stripper poles on an ice rink? The similarities are there: the dancing, the tight uniforms, the performance routines. All I am advocating is for a little more skin and some pole usage.
Think of the advantages: attendance for ice dancing events goes up, pole dancing becomes something you and your grandmother could watch together, and super-hot women gain respect and credibility as athletes. This is so "win-win".
(Note: apparently Kelly Ripa's husband has seen something like this and there is this blog called "Strippers on Ice" that has posted once ever.)
On a somewhat, kinda, sorta related note, I was thinking of a way to make some additional income during these down times and another idea hit me: why don't I invest in the adult industry? After all, I am a regular consumer. (Kidding, of course.)
So here is my idea. Which, by the way, would require a bunch of people, but I think we may be able to make some quick cash.
Step 1: We, my group of trusting financiers and I, need to buy a few shares of one adult entertainment company.
Step 2: Then we all need to buy some media from this company, be it magazines, a movie, an online service, whatever.
Step 3: Then we all visit our local sperm bank and donate. I know it sounds disgusting, but did you know, according to a sperm donation site, "there are hundreds of thousands of people in the United States (millions worldwide) who want to have children, but cannot"? So we are helping someone out. And making a few bucks doing something we would probably be doing at home for free.
Step 4: We split our donation earnings, buying more adult products from our selected company with part of our money, and purchasing more stock with the rest. The increase in sales should drive up production and make the company more profitable, driving up their stock and our initial investment.
Step 5: Donate, purchase, repeat. Donate, purchase, repeat.
We keep doing this until we, as a group, decide the price has gone high enough. Then we stop investing, but continue purchasing. This will keep production and demand up until we can sell our stock for a massive profit. Then we stop buying porn and unload our collections on Ebay at a discount.
Again, it's a win-win for everyone.
Do I have to think of everything?
