Confederate Flag rally in Inverness, FL, August 2016

In my travels, I spent a few weeks in Inverness, Florida, a small town approximately an hour and 30 minutes north of Tampa. I have friends and family who live in Inverness, so I'm there a few times a year.

It wasn't until recently, however, that I realized how overwhelmingly white Inverness is. Being in Tampa, especially by the University of South Florida, diversity is the norm. Every restaurant has tables of white, black, Asian, Latino, and many other ethnicities. But establishments in Inverness were very, very white. In three weeks there, I saw only one black family in a local restaurant.

While out for a stroll down Inverness's main road, I perhaps saw a reason why Inverness is so white.

A Confederate Flag rally sprung up out of nowhere on a Sunday afternoon. Granted, it is not a mass movement, but it was enough folks to be seen. They flew Confederate flags, Don't Tread on Me Flags, and Molon Labe flags. They received several honks of approval from passing drivers.

This doesn't happen in Tampa. While there is a giant, obnoxious Confederate flag that flies alongside I-75 in Tampa, personal flags are rarely seen and rallies don't just happen.

I've mentioned several times on this website that I am not a fan of the Confederate flag. I believe it was an enemy battle flag that opposed the national flag I signed up to defend. Fighters carrying that flag killed more Americans than the Nazis, Iraqis, or Al Qaeda ever did. It belongs in a museum or at a historical marker.

No, I did not engage the Confederate flag rally with my views. I was highly outnumbered and wasn't there to argue. I was there to mosey down Main Street on my Sunday afternoon.

Donald Trump and the Yuuzhan Vong Invasion

The Star Wars Universe is full of parallels to our own. We can find war, politics, religion, and even law reflected in George Lucas’s expansive empire. We know, for example, that the Rebel Alliance was a social movement determined to win back power from a government they deemed illegitimate. Instead of addressing their grievance, the Empire decided to go to war with the Rebels and through several military mishaps and a bit of Jedi luck, the Empire lost their grip on the galaxy and the Rebels eventually regained power.

Similarly, one of the aspects of Episode 8 that I am most curious about is “who is in charge?”. What is the position of the First Order and the Resistance in greater galactic politics? Is there a Galactic President residing at Coruscant? Could it be Lando Calrissian? Please?

But before I postulate about what could happen in future episodes, I’d like to connect a political post I recently read with an era in the Star Wars Expanded Universe (aka Star Wars Legends).

On Monday, October 18th, Benjamin Wittes of Lawfareblog.com wrote a post entitled “A Coalition of All Democratic Forces, Part I: A Political Focus on What's Truly Important”. Wittes, a Senior Fellow in Governance Studies at the Brookings Institution, details the looming possibility of a Donald Trump presidency, the threat it poses, and the long list of people opposing Trump’s way of thinking. Wittes writes that Trump has caused Democrats and Republicans to come together as no other threat to democracy ever has. He concludes by putting forth the idea that Hillary Clinton should govern as a nationalist, putting aside party division for the sake of the ideas and values American Government is based on.

(His Part II article is equally interesting, in which he describes how Clinton should govern keeping in mind the support she has gotten from anti-Trump conservatives.)

While many have linked the rise of Donald Trump and the alt-right movement to the rise of Emperor Palpatine in the Star Wars prequels ("So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause"), Wittes’ post reminded me not of the rise of the Galactic Empire, but of the Yuuzhan Vong War.

In Star Wars Expanded Universe lore, the Yuuzhan Vong were a species from outside the galaxy intent on wreaking havoc and destroying all in their path. According to the all-knowing and all-powerful Wookiepedia, the Yuuzhan Vong waited decades, poking and prodding the periphery before striking the Star Wars galaxy. When they finally attacked, the New Republic was ill-prepared. Entire systems of planets were destroyed and the entire foundation of the government was lost.

This is what Trump and his supporters talk about when they say they want to “shake up” Washington. They want to completely uproot the current government power structure. As anthropologist Grant McCracken wrote in 2015, Trump is a fire boat sent to port to destroy everything as it current exists.

Defeating the Yuuzhan Vong required the remnants of the New Republic to partner with their old enemy, the Empire. After Emperor Palpatine was killed by Darth Vader, the Imperial Remnant was a collection of warlords and Imperial personnel who held to the philosophies of the Emperor. They kept the battleships and military ideals and personnel of what was once a mighty Imperial military force.

In order to defeat the Yuuzhan Vong, the New Republic needed the Imperial Remnant. Likewise, in order to defeat Donald Trump, the Democrats need the remnants of the GOP. They need conservative voices such as the Bushes, Mitt Romney, and John McCain, those who have spoken out and refuse to support Donald Trump. They need conservatives who are not afraid to break from party lines for the sake of our constitutional republic.

According to Wittes,

“Clinton’s democratic foes also need to understand that however flawed she may be, she is not wrong when she says that, at least right now, she is the only thing standing between America and a political apocalypse of sorts.”

Trump and his cronies represent a Yuuzhan Vong-type threat to Washington. He is the Tea Party on steroids. His belief system is so far out of line with the Washington way of business, he will cause irreparable damage to our way of governance. He will burn down Coruscant and make it uninhabitable.

It is very possible that somewhere in the Star Wars Galaxy, there was a planet untouched by the Yuuzhan Vong War. A planet on which lived a species that hated both the Empire and the Republic. One that thought both systems of governance were useless. One that hoped the Yuuzhan Vong would make the galaxy great again.

Thoughts on the USF Football Fan Experience

On September 24, I went to the Florida State University versus University of South Florida football game at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa. It was my first time seeing a Seminoles road game and my first time seeing a USF Bulls home game.

Although the Noles eventually won 55-35 and I walked away a happy alumnus, I was not impressed by the USF Football experience.

Not because of the grueling 90+ degree midday Tampa heat or because I spent $20 on water bottles throughout the game. I wasn't impressed because it didn't feel like college football.

Perhaps because the Bulls play in an NFL stadium, their game experience felt more like a minor league event than a college. The in-stadium entertainment was not centered around the band and school spirit but an in-game host and pumped in DJ music. There was a t-shirt cannon that drove around, fan contests, and Dance Cam segments on the scoreboard.

College football is marching bands, cheerleaders, and school spirit. It is chants and school songs and group involvement.

Being my first USF game, I can't say if this was the norm, but it seems like a strange way to win a fanbase.

USF does have cheerleaders and a marching band and cheers and chants, but they are a minimal part of the experience. Sitting by other FSU fans across the stadium, I never once heard the USF Band play. I'm sure they did, but perhaps there weren't enough of them to be heard throughout the stadium.

What I did hear was top 40 dance club songs. Over and over and over. These songs not only artificially tried to hype the USF fans, they even played over the FSU band when the Marching Chiefs tried to hype up the FSU fans. Drowning out the opposing band should be the job of the home team band, not an anonymous DJ. School songs should drown out school songs. School songs shouldn't be drown out by Flo Rida or whatever else they were playing.

Imagine stadium music playing over the Florida A&M Marching 100 or the Bethune Cookman band at the Florida Classic. That would never happen.



The above video is how you create school pride.

Unfortunately, recently philosophies in sports marketing have been focusing on the wrong ideas. Sports business minds believe a stadium visit should be all about experience. They think a great stadium experience will bring fans, that top-40 club hits and Dance Cams and free t-shirts will entice people to want to come back.

Give them a good time and they will forget about the score. They will be buyers of the experience forever.

That's a not a good idea, especially for college football. Attracting fans through bells, whistles, and shiny objects is great until another event comes around with bigger bells, louder whistles, and brighter shiny objects. It is an arms race to the bottom of short attention span hell. It creates loyalty to the experience, not to the brand.

College football fans are defined by their passion to the brand.

In the weeks since the game versus FSU, USF has struggled to get fans to Raymond James Stadium for home games. According to reports, they drew less than 17,000 fans to their homecoming game against ECU. As expected, this lead to blog posts calling out the fanbase for not showing up.

The problem with these hot take articles is that fan shaming never works. Ever. Ever. Ever. No fan has ever felt so embarrassed by an editorial that they immediately bought tickets to the next available game. It doesn't happen.

What does help is looking at the product and the message being sent about the product. That is what I do regularly in regards to Tampa Bay baseball on my blog TampaBayBaseballMarket.com. And that is also what one USF sports writer finally did. He asked if there was enough media coverage, enough communication between university groups and athletics, and enough marketing to the student body to make USF football appealing.

Winning over the student body should be low hanging fruit. Winning over the general public is much more difficult. When local non-alumni residents walk through Tampa wearing USF gear, then the Bulls will have made it. When people move to Tampa and buy USF gear to fit in, that's when the Bulls will have won the market.

That's the case in Tallahassee and Gainesville with FSU and UF. Admittedly, those are small towns with far less to do and where Saturday game day becomes THE event in town. Winning the market is a lot harder in Tampa, where the Bulls compete not only with the Bucs, the Storm, the Lightning, the Rays, and the Rowdies, but also the alumni presence of FSU, UF, and UCF. Alumni of those schools are too busy watching their own teams to follow USF football. At best they will casual supporters.

USF football sells something unique in Tampa. It sells college football. College football is something special. It is a small town feel for big time games. It is College Gameday signs, tailgates, and pep rallies. It is grandparents wearing the same school colors as parents and students. It fills a unique niche between hyper-local high school sports and national professional sports.

Even though they play in an NFL stadium awash with advertising opportunities, Bulls football should not try to sell the NFL game or Arena League game experience. Tampa already has the Bucs and the Storm for that. USF should sell a sense of community. It should sell school pride.

Selling school pride in a relatively new university known more as a commuter school is difficult. Despite it's size, USF is not a place where a majority of students live around campus. There is also a large amount of international students who are not used to the American football experience. Engaging the student body is the number one task.

Unfortunately, tradition takes time. USF opened in 1956 and didn't begin playing football until 1997. There are UF and FSU alumni who graduated before USF was opened. There are former FSU and UF players in the College and NFL Halls of Fame. There are players such as Derrick Brooks, who played for Florida State then made the NFL Hall of Fame as a member of the Tampa Bay Bucs and current Bucs QB Jameis Winston, another former Seminole. Former Seminoles and Gators play a big role in Bucs, Storm, and even Rays history. The same cannot be said yet for the USF Bulls.

There is also old money flowing into the accounts of FSU and UF that USF does not have. USF needs a few generations to pass before their legendary players, booster donations, and alumni count is equal to the other big colleges in the state.

The USF athletic department has a lot of work to do win local hearts and minds and pack the seats for USF football. Some local writers have good ideas the administration and sports marketing department should explore. USF has to turn USF football into a college football event, a thing-to-do in Tampa on Saturdays in the Fall. An event that pulls the same emotional strings of other college football events across the country.

An event without DJs, t-shirt guns, club music, and in-game hosts.

Reflections on 10 years writing online ....

Two weeks ago, an anniversary passed that I totally forgot about. On September 14th, 2016, I passed my 10th year of writing online. I'm absolutely flabbergasted I've gone on this long. But I can't imagine life any other way.

Writing online has become a big part of my life over the last 10 years. It started as a fun hobby, now it is an addiction. It is my creative outlet. I would rather write online than read someone else's article or watch someone else's show. This is my diary, my journal, and the story of my life.

When I started writing online in 2006, I had no idea what I was doing. That was evident in my first post.

Day One: Growin’ All Up in the Ghetto - September 14, 2006

Ok, let’s see how far I can go with this blog thing before “The Man” shuts me down. Just kidding. Well I guess this is going to be a place for me to post my thoughts, musings, and random ideas. So sit back, enjoy, and comment as you see fit.

A bit about lil’ ol’ me: I graduated from Florida State; had my own random column for that fine literary publication, the FSView and Florida Flambeau; and I am currently living outside of Tampa, FL. These experiences, as well as a childhood spent locked in a basement, will mold a lot of what I talk about. And of course, random references to current events, music, books, television, movies, or sports (especially the NY Mets, Knicks, and FSU Seminoles). But you get the point. Enjoy.

Fortunately, The Man has yet to shut me down. And I still don't know what I am doing. And this website is still where I post my thoughts, musings, and random ideas.

Those who have been with me for a while know this isn't my first site. My first blog, TheSeriousTip.com , slowly developed from a random musings site into somewhat of a sports blog. Sometimes my perspective on sports was rather unique and a few visitors found my site. Getting linked to bigger sites and increased readership was nice and gave me great sports writing connections that turned into friends. Folks such as Jay Busbee and Michael Tillery and others whom I am still in touch with today.

Eventually I wanted somewhere to write about my life experiences. I wanted to be more creative. I wanted to write about social issues. I wanted to dabble in comedy. I also wanted to create a website with my own URL. Hence, in late 2009, I ditched the sports blog concept and MichaelLortz.com was born.

In 2012, this blog became where I chronicled my Afghanistan adventure. I made sure to post at various milestones in my 14 months overseas to let readers know what I was experiencing. It was also a way for me to get my thoughts down. A lot happened in my time there and looking back, I am glad I have blog posts that detail what I did. In a way, they are similar to the old "letters from the front" that soldiers sent to their loved ones in previous conflicts.

In the years since my return, this website has developed from a blog to a professional home for who I am. I am much more comfortable with my online presence. This website now features a portfolio page, a resume page, a page for my comedy ventures, and pages for my other projects. It is a one-stop shop for anyone who wants to know about me. People ask if I am ever worried what employers think about my online presence. My answer is that the genie is so far out of the bottle, what I have created is who I am.

Although the website has developed, I still write on the blog page of MichaelLortz.com. It is still very important to me to write a few times a month. I try for at least 3-5 posts a month. Sometimes the posts are filler, sometimes they are insight into my life.

Unfortunately in the last two years this blog has dropped in priority. I started my second Master's degree which has taken up many hours and I also created my own baseball business website. Whereas I would write about baseball here on occasion, now TampaBayBaseballMarket.com receives all the focus of my sports writing.

Currently, this site is a mix of personal introspection, analysis on current issues, and the standard random musings. I write about war and conflict, music and comedy, and my long struggle with unemployment.

Looking back, I like to think have become a better writer because of my blogging. I definitely have more confidence in my writing. I still haven't done all I want to do in writing, however. I still want to publish a novel. I'd like to have a few more articles on prominent websites. I'd like to write the biography of Tampa's first hip-hop DJ.

I am still a writer. I've been doing this for over 10 years. It's no longer a hobby. It's now in my blood.

Guest posting on Ben's Biz

I've been an e-migo and reader of Ben Hill of Minor League Baseball.com for several years. Ben has been writing for Minor League Baseball covering promotions for a long time. It's been his niche for at least five years. He is a regular on the Minor League circuit, traveling from ballpark to ballpark, meeting and writing about the kooky craziness that is the Minor Leagues.

Seems like forever ago my colleagues at Bus Leagues Baseball.com interviewed Ben. Although Bus Leagues Baseball closed years ago and most of the writers moved on, I stayed in touch with folks with our subjects. One of the reasons I like to stay in touch is to pitch writing ideas if the urge catches me. This way, even though I don't cover the subject regularly, I can still write a piece on something I am concerned about.

Sadly, the most recent subject I was concerned about was the end of the Brevard County Manatees. I've written about the Manatees a lot on this and other blogs. They were the local Minor League team in the town in which I spent most of my teen years.

Starting in 2017, however, they are moving to Kissimmee, Florida to become the Central Florida Somethings. It doesn't matter to me what they become, I won't be going. To me they will always be the team I saw for 23 seasons. The team I saw with my dad, with friends (to include a highly impromptu bachelor party), with my brother, and with my nephew.

They are the team Ben Hill let me write about one last time in a post entitled "Farewell to the Sea Cows".

If you are a fan of Minor League Baseball, I recommend you check it out.

Long live the Fighting Sea Cows.

• From the Bigs to the Buses - May 2008


• Keep Politics out of Baseball Stadiums - July 2009


• Seeing Strasburg and Paying the Cost - March 2010


• Fear the Sea Cow for Free - April 2010


• A Review of the 2010 Florida State League All-Star Game - June 2010


• Brevard County Manatees versus Tampa Yankees 4/12/2011 - April 2011


• Q&A: Brewers Prospect D’Vontrey Richardson - July 2011


• Q&A: James Dively - Bus Driver for the Brevard County Manatees - September 2011


• Manatees to Stay in Viera, Whither the Nationals? - July 2012


• Dropping the Ball at Space Coast Stadium - June 2013


• Discovering the Minors on the Space Coast (guest post for MinorLeagueBall.com) - December 2013

How to Survive as an Unemployed Veteran

(This is in response to an article entitled "How to Survive as an Unpaid Intern" posted on IvankaTrump.com. I'm not passing judgement on the article nor making a political statement, but I just thought it would be a good idea to share knowledge I've accrued over the last few years.)

#MakeItWork

Welcome to my advice column, led by me, a super-talented unemployed veteran! Here I’ll be addressing a topic that is top of mind for veterans trying to get in any industry.

It’s the conundrum every unemployed veteran knows well: You don’t have a paycheck, but you still have living expenses. It can be tough for already-stressed veterans who know non-military experience is incredibly valuable in building a foundation for a new career, but aren’t sure if they can afford to work for free or at an entry level position. What’s to be done? With this being my third year of unemployment, I’ve learned a few tricks.

Save up during deployments

If you know you’ll be unemployed for a while when you get back, you can anticipate your expenses by putting money made during deployments aside in a separate account. I did this after I returned from Bosnia in 1999, then left active duty three months later, and more recently after I returned from contract work in Afghanistan in 2013. Additionally, if you put your money a fund or two with decent returns, you might be able to pay some bills or afford college tuition on the interest.

Take on short contracts

What about when your savings aren’t enough and bills still need to be paid? If you can find a short-term contract that capitalizes on your military experience, do it. Even if you are trying to move into a different field. Even if you have college or other commitments. Short-term contracts typically pay very well. Before you have opened doors in a new field, tap the well in your previous field to see if there is any water left to be drawn.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

THIS IS HUGE. I can't emphasize this enough. There are so many groups and people out there willing to help veterans find work. If you are in college, as I am, college veterans groups are a great place to start. Most metropolitan areas have career assistance groups who can help re-write resumes and facilitate networking with folks in the civilian workforce. There are also veteran job fairs, where employers seek out people with military backgrounds.

Note: don't rely on corporate veteran recruiters. They are typically of little help. They work for their company. If your resume isn't exactly what they want, they won't guide you in the right direction. Most of the companies who advertise how many veterans they hire are only promoting it to pat themselves on the back. Avoid asking corporate veterans recruiters for help.

Rent on the cheap

If you have no idea how long your unemployment is going to last after you separate from the military/defense world, live cheap. Rent a small apartment and live well below your means. That might mean getting a roommate or two. Find a place that includes cable and utilities. I took a huge step backwards and put most of my belongings in storage while I went back to school. Getting my stuff out of storage is a huge motivator to getting my career on track.

Set a budget for yourself

It’s always important to allocate money wisely, but even more so when you aren’t bringing in an income to supplement your spending. Set aside maybe one night a week for a few drinks or socializing, but after that, keep it tight. Keep a spreadsheet of your receipts. After a while, you should be able to see trends in how much you spend where and when. Don't keep all of your money in one account. Tell yourself that one of your accounts is Red Zone money - not like the football red zone, but the "times are really tough" money. That money should be what you spend last.

Conclusion

It is tough being an unemployed veteran. It is very tough knowing you have marketable skills but not being able to fit them into a position in the corporate world. It's tough when people ask if you have edited your resume and you have created over 100 versions of your resume. It's tough when people tell you to apply for anything, even if it means taking parts of your military/defense experience off your resume.

Hopefully this guide can help veterans who are struggling to make ends meet during a job hunt. If my re-write of Ivanka Trump's unpaid intern survival tips can help one veteran survive unemployment, then my mission here is accomplished.

The Case of the Mistaken Lortz

Today I received an interesting email from someone with an Asian name.

Hello Mike, good morning. I am planning to remodel three bathrooms of my house. Mr. (another Asian name) refers you to me. Could you please give me a call to discuss the further details ASAP? I can be reached at (402) xxx-xxxx (home) or (402) xxx-xxxx (cell). Thanks a lot.

At first, I thought the email was spam. I've gotten enough notices from Nigerian princes who need help moving money from one account to another to be suspicious of emails from people I don't know.

But the text of this one sounded a bit too earnest. It sounded authentic. So I decided to google.

I started by searching the sender's email address. It was legit and belonged to a professor at a university in Omaha, Nebraska. Then I googled the person who "recommended" me. Sure enough, he too was a professor from a midwest university.

Then I googled the phone number the requester asked me to call. 402 is an Omaha area code.

I had enough evidence to think this was legit. All the information led to an Omaha business deal. But why were they contacting me?

My final web search was for "Lortz Omaha". The first result:

Lortz Home Solutions

According to their website, "LHS, Inc. specializes in basement finishing, kitchen and bath remodels, decks, home maintenance and some additions."

That had to be who the email sender was looking for. There was no way this was spam.

I sent a reply email informing the sender that he had the wrong Lortz and I provided the number and website of Lortz Home Solutions.

A few hours later, I received a reply.

Hello Michael, thank you very much for alerting my mistake. Yes, I tried to contact Lortz Home Solutions in Omaha. I have got in contact with him now and hope my remodeling will be smooth and look great later. Thanks a lot again and best regards.

As you can see, not the most conversationalist English. But I was right. They were looking for Lortz Home Solutions. There was just a small cultural or communications gap that led this person to my email address when they meant to contact Lortz Home Solutions.

Answering emails from people we don't know - especially when they are proposing a business transaction - is usually a big time Internet no-no. But sometimes people make honest mistakes. I could have deleted the email or I could have been a complete asshole and led the person in the wrong direction (I thought about both options). But in the end, the good person in me won out and my five minutes of googling provided the sender with the correct contact information.

They were lost on the information superhighway and instead of running them over or cursing them out, I pointed them in the right direction.

I like to think I did a good deed.

In retrospect, I should have asked for pictures of their finished bathroom.

The greatest presidential documentary ever

Last year, I wrote about my favorite presidential debate - the lesser-known candidate debate of 2000. This debate had a cast of characters that could not be made up. It featured:

• A gruff former governor as moderator who doesn’t seem interested at all in the proceedings


• A candidate who doesn’t even show up


• A candidate running for Vice-President


• An absent-minded scientist who makes his speech in sneakers and advocates for space travel and world government


• A white guy who ran the United Negro College Fund and wants to hold a new Constitutional Convention and rewrite the Constitution


• A candidate who reads his speech from his paper


• Jim Taylor

Taylor is the star of the debate. He was also the only candidate making a documentary of his attempt to be president. A creative genius by trade, Taylor wanted to create a step-by-step documentary about a normal guy who runs for president.

For 16 years, I wanted to see this video. Fortunately, some benevolent soul posted it on YouTube several years ago. At the time I am writing this, it has less than 100 views. I have made random videos of toys singing Christmas carols that have more views than this important piece of political cinematic history.



There is so much here relevant to the 2016 presidential election.

Getting on the debates - third party candidates are still struggling with this. We even had candidates skipping debates because they thought they were unfair.

Making your own debate - this sounds like a very Trump thing to do. As a matter of fact, a lot of Taylor's steps are Trump's steps but with the backing of a billion dollars.

Doesn't the guy at 1:40 sound a lot like something Trump would say? "I am the only one with the physical, mental, and moral toughness to start this entire government up from scratch."

Then there is Taylor's slogan, "Because Everything is Crappy.". That should be Trump's campaign slogan. Forget "Make America Great", "Because Everything is Crappy" is real. People don't know what a "great America" is. That's debatable. But people know what crappy is. They can agree on that. That's a campaign slogan to get excited about.

Taylor also admits he is an idiot (2:20). He is the complete opposite of Trump, who would never admit being wrong or anything less than a genius. Comparing Trump to Taylor is a bizarro world where everything is opposite with a strain of similarity - that they are both outsiders trying to be president.

Go Where the Cameras Are (4:20) - This is another Trump technique. Always let the cameras see you.

Bother the Other Candidates (5:18) - Another Trump technique. Trump made the Republican primary a mud wrestling fight of insults and innuendos. Candidates couldn't get down to the real issues and solutions because they were constantly having to fend off the latest barrage of Trump statements. Trump was in their head and in the media. Unfortunately of Taylor, the other candidates didn't bite.

Get Votes (7:30) - Again, this is bizarro Trump. Taylor finds one person, a young voter whose car Taylor helps fix. Although I am pretty sure candidates can't walk voters to the voting booth. I think that is illegal. Btw, Jim Taylor's voter, Katie Cailler, still lives in New Hampshire.

The whole part from 8:30 to 9:00 is pure Trump. "Never take victory for granted. The most important thing about running for president is you gotta keep running. Because if you keep running, and you keep running, and you keep running, well, you never know."

Unfortunately, Jim Taylor only received 87 votes in the New Hampshire primary. I guess not enough people believed everything was crappy.

A dinosaur in corpse paint

I'd like to see a dinosaur in corpse paint.
I searched Google images for one and I couldn't find it.
What a wonderful world we live in.
Whatever I imagine, I can type it in and have it appear.
If it already exists.
But a dinosaur in corpse paint doesn't exist.
According to google.
It should.

If I was a dinosaur, I would be all about black metal.
A giant meteor is coming and we are all going to die.
Shut up, dude. No, it's not.
Hundreds of millions of years later, you are correct.
Boom.
Imagine you were born right after the meteor hit.
You don't even get to live in the time when being a dinosaur was cool.
The peak of dinosaur death metal.

Darkness envelops the Earth.
Life as we know it is gone.
Death. Death. Death.
Everything around you is dying.
The sky is dark. Plant life is dying.
Even the pterodactyls no longer fly.
There is plenty to eat among the dying.
Soon they will be gone.
And you as well.
Death. Death. Death.

Are there any dinosaur themed metal bands?
Metal bands love the apocalypse.
Dinosaurs lived through an apocalypse.
One day they might find this blog post buried in amber.
Resurrect it with shards of its HTML DNA.
Rebuild it like the 6 Million Dollar Man.
We have the technology.
We need the page views.

And with that, it's time to retire for the eve.
2 scoops of mental musings and a tablespoon of insomnia.
But still no dinosaurs in corpse paint.

Tired of instability

I'm tired.

I'm tired of instability. Tired of not knowing what the future holds. Tired of trying to figure out what's next.

In 2013, upon returning from Afghanistan, I decided to start a second master's degree in Business Administration. I was tired of working for the Department of Defense, tired of hopping from contract to contract, and tired of working in a world where your employment hinges on a budget, not on how effective you are. The Department of Defense doesn't have profitable years or not-profitable years. They don't "sell" anything. If you are on a contract, working harder rarely means job security. If the government ends the contract with your employer, you are out of luck, no matter how well you did.

I was tired of contracts ending.

So after an 8-year break, I went back to school. It was difficult. I had never taken Accounting or Finance and I was trying to understand them at the graduate level. Management and Marketing came easier to me, but anything with math or numbers was a struggle. After 12 years in the Intelligence Community, I was not used to thinking mathematically.

But I pushed through. For over a year, I spent money I made in Afghanistan on my new degree. It was an investment in myself. It might have been tough, but there was hope at the end of the tunnel. I was off in a new career.

I wasn't sure where the MBA was going to land me. I didn't know anything about the corporate world. All of it was new. I didn't know about balance sheets or financial statements, marketing plans or margins. I didn't understand the speed of business nor it's dog-eat-dog environment. I had no idea where I was going, I just knew I was learning new and interesting things.

All along I hoped I could take my past experiences - experiences in analysis, research, and geopolitical understanding - and apply them to business. After I finished my first year of school work, I started looking for employment. I was open to any idea than combined what I knew with what I was learning.

I was open to finance and intelligence, marketing and intelligence, process analysis, cyber and intelligence, business strategy, corporate intelligence, and any analytics job. As I progressed and learned about these and other fields, however, I realized some career paths might be mountains too high. Some wanted experience I didn't have, while others required courses that would have caused me to slow my degree plan drastically as I would need to focus on one difficult course at a time.

In all, from February 2014 to July 2015, I applied to over 150 jobs. Some local, some national, some lower-level, some management. I had maybe 5 interviews. No second interviews and no job offers.

I was tired of applying and getting nowhere.

But I had time and I had money. So I wasn't panicking.

With that many applications and little to show for it, I realized I needed a change in job-seeking strategy. I was going to network. I was going to meet as many people as possible and be seen and tell people who I am and what I can do. At the same time, I was going to finish the last year of my MBA.

The strategy paid off in May 2015 when I met a military professor who saw my background and was interested. He offered me a great position, great hours, great pay, and a great opportunity to learn academia from the teaching side. I was interested and jumped on it. I was also able to work on the six classes I had remaining.

Before he could hire me, however, I had to wait for a budget opening. As I mentioned before, just because you provide value, if the government budget says no, you are out of luck. I don't think any other organization works like that.

Meanwhile, after my lease expired in my cheap apartment in August 2015, I was homeless for a few weeks. Luckily, I had friends who offered me a place to stay. But it was one of the most frustrating weeks of my life as I waited for government money to be free so I could sign a new lease in the cheapest apartment complex in Tampa. I felt like I was getting nowhere.

I'm tired of getting nowhere.

Finally, the government freed the funds to hire me. And for six months, everything was great. I was getting a paycheck. I was going to school at night. I had a place to live. I was even putting some money away in my retirement account. I also started my own LLC and wrote for a market analysis blog where my research was mentioned by elected officials.

Life was good.

Then, in February 2016, the contract ended.

I'm tired of contracts ending again.

While working, I was able to put away enough money to fund my final four classes. I even registered for the final project needed to graduate. The countdown began for graduation in December 2016.

If I could only make ends meet until then. Then I would be free to move and leave Tampa if needed. Not that I would want to leave since every job report says Tampa is one of the most growing cities in Florida. It is a great place to live and I have met many amazing people here. But if my skill set can't help any employer here, it might be time to look elsewhere.

What is my skill set? That was something I had to determine. What was I pitching to employers that I could do? What did I bring to the table and why should they hire me?

I came to the conclusion my skill sets depends on the industry. If applying for a military/defense job, I bring years of experience, analysis, research, and organizational understanding. I also bring all the government clearances I had in the past.

If applying for security/investigations/compliance jobs, I bring research, geopolitical understanding, and analysis.

If applying for marketing strategy or market research positions, I bring years of analysis, research, storytelling, and creativity to the table. I am flexible, agile, a good communicator, globally-minded, and a solid team player. All the things business articles say businesses want.

I'm tired of what I read not reflecting reality.

Now I am finishing my second-to-last class before graduating. The pursuit of an MBA has been an amazing journey that has taught me so much about the business world. But right now, I'm not sure it has been worth it. I don't yet see a payoff at the end of the road. The doors they said it would open remain shrouded in a fog of career ambiguity. They are not only not open, I'm not sure where they are. It's tough to knock when you can't find the door. Then you hope you are knocking on the right door and that someone opens.

I'm tired of doors not opening. I'm tired of not knowing where the doors are.

During the last few months, I've felt like a rat trying to find cheese in a maze. Or like Alice trying to make her way though Wonderland. Or Dorothy journeying through Oz. I have been networking and networking, bouncing around like a hot potato trying to meet the right person who can provide me a key to a position. I've met many people with great ideas and great advice, but they always seem to lead to another locked door.

I'm tired of locked doors.

Especially in the government sector. At least until a new budget is released in October.

The problem is, I can't wait until October. Similar to 2015, I have a lease expiring and no income to find a new place. I could again lean on the kindness of friends to provide me shelter so I can continue my education. Again, the search for a place to live supersedes the job hunt. I think that's Maslow's Hierarchy in proof.

I'm tired of not knowing where I am going to live. I'm tired of surviving on the kindness of friends for a roof over my head. I'm tired of being the only person I know with 15 years experience and 1.5 master's degrees without a job or a place to live.

I'm tired of being unemployed.

This isn't a problem of keeping up with peers, some of whom have great jobs and great homes and great families. This is a problem of making a decision to go back to school that seemed good, but has yet to payoff. This is a problem of working hard and finding nothing in return. This is a problem of not being able to progress without always trying to figure out the basics.

This is a problem of instability.

I'm tired of instability.