Wu-Tang Clan in St. Petersburg, Florida 1/26/08

"Patience or forbearance is basically the Dhamma contrary to anger, which, in other words, is adosa - absence of anger. It is similar to the essence of metta, loving-kindness. In particular, what is said to have patience, is to be able to endure any kind of provocation and to remain calm without anger and doing evil."

"Khanti paramam tapo titikkha"

"Patience is the highest or best devotion"

Patience was definitely the word of the night Saturday night. After the doors of Jannus Landing finally opened at 7:30 (30 minutes after the tickets said doors would open), three hours would pass before the Wu-Tang Clan finally showed up. Three hours of listening to a local St. Pete DJ spinning the same songs I could have listened to in my car. Three hours of some local MCs trying to hype the crowd. Three hours of chanting "Wu-Tang, Wu-Tang". And three hours of standing in the rain, wondering if I wasted my 50 dollars on a band that isn't going to show.

Yes, I was that close to walking out. I was even on my way to find someone in charge to see if I can get a refund when the Wu-Tang bus finally pulled up. Finally.

(Note: This was only my third major hip-hop show as compared to dozens of rock shows. Hip-hop fans are much more patient. Rock fans would be booing, complaining, and probably rioting if their band didn't show. If hip-hop fans get rowdy, they are easily sedated with a old-school Biggie or Nas track. Get their heads nodding and they are good for another hour.)

So at nearly 11pm (10:50 to be exact), the Wu finally took the stage. Most of them. Unfortunately, possibly due to the inner turmoil in the group, the RZA didn't make the tour. In his place on stage were unofficial Wu members Cappadonna and Streetlife. Not bad substitutes, as they have verses on nearly Wu album anyway.

As for the show, when it finally started, it was amazing. As mentioned in other tour reviews, Method Man was the lead MC, hyping the crowd. Apparently the show was the last on the tour, and according to Method Man, they were ready to give 110%. That they did.

Even without RZA, the Wu were on top of their game. Surprisingly, and perhaps related to the fact that RZA was not there, they didn't perform any songs off their new album 8 Diagrams. They did songs off of Enter the 36 Chambers (Shame on a N***a, Bring the Ruckus, CREAM, Method Man, Can It Be All So Simple, Protect Ya Neck), Method Man's Tical (Bring the Pain, What the Bloodclot), Raekwon's Only Built for Cuban Linx (Ice Cream, Incarcerated Scarfaces), the GZA's Liquid Swords album (Duel of the Iron Mic, Liquid Swords), No Said Date from Masta Killa, and a song with Inspecta Deck and Masta Killa (Winter Warz?). Also making a guest appearance was Ol' Dirty Bastard's brother 12 O'Clock to rap Shimmy Shimmy Ya and Brooklyn Zoo.

Needless to say, I was impressed by the Wu-Tang Clan. Although I had seen it in concert footage, Method Man's trick of standing on the hands of fans is very impressive. Their overall energy is amazing and the vibe going back and forth from the group to the fans was electric.

Unfortunately, about an hour into the show, Method Man's mic began to give out. As I was halfway back in the crowd of perhaps 600 to 1,000 people, I could barely hear him. Finally realizing his mic was out, Method Man grabbed Masta Killa's mic, only to find out that was out as well. In turn, nearly every member of the Clan spoke into their mics and then looked at each piece of equipment with disgust. The Wu Tang Clan had been rendered silent by the evil power of St. Petersburg City Ordinance 754-G 11-64.1.b.2.c, which states:

1. Playing, using, operating or permitting to be played, used, or operated any radio, musical instrument, drum, compact disc or tape player, sound amplifier or other machine or device that produces, reproduces or amplifies musical sound within any building if such sound is for the purpose of entertainment or receiving information, or is used for that purpose and: i. In a commercial or an industrial area, Sunday through Thursday, except the day prior to a national holiday, between the hours of 11:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m. the following morning or on Fridays, Saturdays and the day prior to a national holiday, between the hours of 12:00 midnight and 8:00 a.m. the following morning, the sound exceeds an L50 sound level limit of 60 decibels measured in accordance with Section 11-65 at a receiving land use that is legally used for residential purposes regardless of whether it is situated in a residential area, commercial area or an industrial area.

By 12:07, the mighty Wu-Tang Clan had been completely silenced. Although Method Man attempted some accapella sing-alongs with those in the front rows, the only sound audible was the repeated chant of "Wu-Tang, Wu-Tang" by those who couldn't read Method Man's lips.

Overall, I give my first Wu-Tang Clan experience a Incomplete Minus (I-). Incomplete in that it would have been nice to hear the whole show from start to finish. The Wu definitely had potential and things were starting to get hyped. However, had the group not waited until nearly 11pm to arrive, perhaps they could have fit more songs in before midnight. Any disappointment should be blamed as much on the Wu-Tang Clan as on the ridiculous city ordinances of St. Petersburg, Florida.

My Super Bowl Financial Favorite: Part 2

Three weeks ago, I examined the NFL playoff contenders by their potential effects on the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Some had storied pasts of positive financial repercussions, others did not. Some had only one year of success to their name, and others I was left ranking by association.

Alas the field has been narrowed after weeks of contests, drama, and struggle, and we have finally come down to two: the New England Patriots versus the New York Giants. Of course, much will be made of the fact that the Giants are an original NFL team and the Patriots (formerly of Boston) are an original AFL team. As I did three weeks ago, many will discuss the Super Bowl Indicator, and its 80% success rate. But what lies in the numbers? What are the past results of the market following previous championships by these two teams? Should we really root against a historical season by the Patriots for the sake of the market?

In a word, yes.

Since 2002, the Patriots have been bad luck for the market. After New England won Super Bowl XXXVI in 2002, the Dow Jones Industrial Average responded by dropping 16.8% from 10,021.71 to 8341.63. The S&P 500 also took a large fall, losing 23.3% from 1148.08 to 879.82.

Following their second championship in XXXVIII, the Patriots disproved the Super Bowl Indicator, and the DJIA increased from 10,452.74 to 10,783.01, a 3.1% gain. Like the Dow Jones, the S&P 500 also increased, climbing 8.3% from 1,111.92 to 1,211.92.

The Patriots most recent win in 2005's XXXIX however, proved the Patriots were not above the Super Bowl Indicator. Following their victory, the DJIA dropped, albeit by .7% from 10,783.75 to 10,717.50. The S&P 500, on the other hand, actually increased, going up 3% from 1,211.92 to 1,248.29.

So since 2002, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has followed Patriots wins with two decreases and one slight increase. The S&P 500 has followed the same Patriot championships with one major decrease, one average increase, and one slight increase.

Then what about the Giants? As I wrote earlier, "As expected from a team hailing from the home of Wall Street, the New York Giant Super Bowl victories precede good years for the Dow." Although their victory in Super Bowl XXI in 1987 brought little to cheer about, the DJIA did increase 2.2% and the S&P 500 climbed a likewise 2%.

The second and most recent Giants' Super Bowl victory, in 1991's Super Bowl XXV, on the other hand, preceded a very good year for Wall Street, with the Dow climbing 17% from 2633.66 to 3168.83 and the S&P 500 also going up by a worthwhile 11.1% clip, from 330.2 to 371.36.

On an added note, if the underdog Giants can pull off the upset and the market responds as it as for their previous victories, the Giants will join only the Redskins and the Packers as the only teams to see positive gains after three Super Bowl wins. And since the market's performance is sketchy at best, horrible at worst following a Patriots' win, the choice of who the market wants you to root for is clear.

Go Giants!


(Picture from: http://cf1.acc-tv.com/)

A toothed vagina. A beaver with bite. A muff with molars.

I've been on the look out for movies that will hold my interest. Last year, I mentioned "Ninja Cheerleaders", a movie that I called the "soon-to-be-greatest movie of 2007". This year I found something even better: "Teeth".

According to the synopsis: "High school student Dawn works hard at suppressing her budding sexuality by being the local chastity group's most active participant. Her task is made even more difficult by her bad boy stepbrother Brad's increasingly provocative behavior at home. A stranger to her own body, innocent Dawn discovers she has a toothed vagina when she becomes the object of violence. As she struggles to comprehend her anatomical uniqueness, Dawn experiences both the pitfalls and the power of being a living example of the vagina dentata myth."

 You read that right. A toothed vagina. A beaver with bite. A muff with molars. In case you can't get enough "Teeth", here is another review, and "Teeth"'s official IMDB page.

Santa Claus possibly killed in Kazakhstan crash?

According to reports, an unidentified flying object (UFO) was seen crashing into a Kazakhstan lake on Saturday, January 5th. One eyewitnesses, a local chief of a police, saw a "shining flying object" plunging into the Belaya River in the May district in the Pavlodar region. The police chief then reported it to "higher authorities".

Unfortunately for Christmas fans around the world, the jolly gentleman known as St. Nicholas, or Santa Claus, may have been killed in the crash. With talk around the world that Santa Claus would better served if he moved his operations to Kazakhstan and the morning of January 6th being the 12th day of Christmas, it is only logical that Santa was in the area and that his sleigh made the hole in the ice. Of course, if this is true the Kazakhstan government would be and is possibly already in full denial mode. After spending countless dollars on festivals and naming a mountain after Mr. Claus, the last thing the Kazakhs would want is for Santa to be tragically killed in their country. Perhaps the denials have already started, as neither divers from the emergency situations department nor officers of the local sanitary and epidemic office claimed to find any evidence of a UFO.

My estimate is that Santa was returning from distributing gifts the day of January 5th and was scouting new production plant locations when his sleigh veered out of control and crashed into the Belaya River. Even if the Kazakhstan government fails to admit any evidence of the crash, I would still stand strong with my assumption. To those who would need to see the body to prove Santa's demise, I pose this question, every year Santa delivers gifts around the world, why aren't there any eyewitness reports? If no one sees him deliver gifts and he does, is it that large of a leap of faith to believe he died in a crash in a northeastern region of Kazakhstan?

So contrary to the claims of Kazakhstan ufologist Lyubov Rybalko, a UFO can indeed fall. Especially when misguided by eight tiny reindeer.

(h/t on the news of the crash: Kazakhstan Neweurasia.net. I alone am responsible for the theory on who or what it was that crashed.)

High Fidelity I hardly knew ye

Before Christmas Rolling Stone.com published an excellent article on the diminishing importance of quality sound in music as it becomes digitized and more portable. If you care anything about good sound, go read it. I'll wait.

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Ok, now my personal opinion: I'm a music whore. I am always buying new CDs. I have well over 500 and counting. For some reason though I cannot seem to get into downloading music. Maybe it is because of bad experiences listening to the old "tinny" .midi files. Maybe because I have been convinced by the older generation that every progression of recording, from 45s to tapes to CD to MP3s, has made sound quality progressively worse. Maybe it is all just psychological.

Recently, however, I have even experienced a few CDs that just didn't sound right. The best example of this recently has been the new Down CD, Over the Under. This is not a bad CD, by any means, but it just doesn't sound right. For those not in the know, Down is one of the many bands spun off of Pantera, so they definitely have a hard-rock metal sound to them. The problem with this album however, is that it all sounds the same. In the Rolling Stone article they talk about loudness monotony and Over the Under is a great example. The songs just blend together and no part stands out. There is little sound variation. Whether or not that was the point of the album, which I doubt, this happens to me more and more often. Over the Under is just the last example.

To be honest, I am not sure whether I can pin a bad sounding album on the fidelity of a CD or an MP3 or any other kind of format. Maybe it is the production. Until recently, I've never been a big fan of acknowledging producers. However, producers getting hyped has become a huge trend in hip-hop and to an extent in rock as well. Apparently, big name producers all have a distinct sound to their albums. Again, this is more true in hip-hop than in rock. But in rock a producer can minimize or maximize a certain instrument or "depth" of sound. So of course, they play the same role. I still think producers are overrated.

(Disclaimer: I'm a huge fan of lyrics. You can give me an old blues man strumming on an acoustic guitar on the corner or a rapper freestyling over the sound of a dishwasher humming and I'm happy as long as they are passionate and their lyrics grab my interest.)

Ok, I'll stop babbling now. But before I go, I ask that you read that Rolling Stone link and take a moment the next time you turn on the tunes to think how much better, clearer, and crisper your music could be. If only we all still listened to the old Victrolas. Hook those bad boys up to a wall of speakers and you got yourself a system.

My Super Bowl Financial Favorite

In this season of endorsements and primaries, I am following the example of many bloggers and announcing my favorite well in advance of the final contest. Unlike other supporters however, I am not endorsing an individual who battles in the political arena, but rather I am backing a group of individuals - those who battle for gridiron supremacy.

By now, many in the sports and financial communities are aware of the "Super Bowl Indicator". Created in part by "longtime Wall Street guru" Robert H. Stovall, the Super Bowl Indicator claims "if an old AFL team wins the Super Bowl, the stock market will decline during that calendar year and if an original NFL team wins, the Dow Jones industrial average will rise". Although some pundits have sought to debunk this predictor, it still carries an over 80% success rate.

As the NFL playoffs begin at the end of this week, and with ten of the twelve 2008 playoff teams tracing their roots to original AFL or NFL franchises, I've decided to pick my favorite based on which team's victory would be best for my portfolio. The following list ranks the teams from most dangerous to my financial well-being to most favorable. (Note: market performance percentages are from the year of the Super Bowl victory, not the year of the NFL championship.)

12. New England (originally Boston) Patriots - Despite a positive gain (3.1%) for the stock market after their last win in 2004, the best team in NFL is bad news for the stock market, with their championship in 2005 preceding a .8% decrease and their 2002 championship preceding a 16.8% decrease in the Dow Jones Industrial Average.

11. San Diego Chargers - Although they don't have the history of the Patriots, the Chargers are an original AFL team and cannot be trusted.

10. Tennessee Titans - The Titans could very well be ranked equivalent to the Chargers, however, in 1997, they shed their original existence as the Houston Oilers and moved to Tennessee. Their relocation does not exempt them from being a potential curse on my early retirement, it only bumps them above the original AFL teams that kept their identities.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars - One of two 1995 expansion teams, the Jaguars play in the AFC and therefore are guilty by association. Without any positive history to the contrary, I cannot trust the Jaguars with the future of my finances.

8. Indianapolis (originally Baltimore) Colts - Although not an original AFL team, the Colts' affiliation to their current conference does put them in bad company. However, they are provided a respite thanks to recent history. Perhaps their realignment after the AFL-NFL merger can explain why 2007 was such an extremely volatile year in the stock market, with numerous triple-digit gains and losses, mortgage industry problems, rising oil prices, and a downtrodden housing market. Despite the inconsistency, the Dow Jones did conclude the year 6.43% higher.

7. Pittsburgh Steelers - Similar to the Colts, the Steelers are also not an original AFL team, having similarly moved from the NFL to the AFC. The franchise's roots may explain the market's friendliness to Steelers' championships. For example, following Steelers' victories, the market climbed 27% after 1974, 15% after 1975, 4% after 1978, 13% after 1979, and 14% after 2006. Despite these successes and subsequent market performances, as a current AFC team, the Steelers remain a risk.

6. Seattle Seahawks - The Seahawks are the opposite of the aforementioned Jacksonville Jaguars. An expansion team in 1976, the Seahawks have not yet won a Super Bowl. However, because of their association with other NFC teams, a Seahawks' championship would be preferred over other less stock-friendly candidates.

5. Dallas Cowboys - A five-time Super Bowl winning original NFL team, the Dallas Cowboys have followed the Super Bowl Indicator's 80% success rate, forbearing four gains and one losing year for the Dow. After a 12.9% increase in the Dow Jones Industrial following their 1971 championship, the Cowboys preceded a 3% decrease six years later. The 1970s would bring an end to the Cowboy inconsistency however, as the team preceded a 10.4% increase after 1992, a 2.1% increase after 1993, and a 17.6% increase after they won it all in 1995. Despite these recent gains however, rooting for the Cowboys is a risk until the appearance schedule of Jessica Simpson is determined.

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Although not an original NFL team, the Tampa Bay Bucs were the forbearers of one of the most successful years in recent Dow Jones Industrial Average history. Following their sole Super Bowl Championship in 2003, the market soared 23.93%.

3. New York Giants - As expected from a team hailing from the home of Wall Street, the New York Giant Super Bowl victories precede good years for the Dow. Following their 1986 championship, the Dow Jones Industrial increased 2.2% and after their 1990 championship, the Dow increased another 16.9%.

2. Washington Redskins - An original NFL team, the Washington Redskins have won three championships in the last 26 years. In those years (1982, 1987, and 1991) the Dow Jones Industrial Average has gone up following each victory, increasing 16.9%, 10%, and 4% respectively. Despite three positive returns after three Redskins' championships, these returns have decreased, discounting them has the best team to root for during the 2007 playoffs.

1. Green Bay Packers - Like the Redskins, the Packers are also an original NFL team. Unlike Washington, however, the Green Bay Packers have been the most consistent favorite of the Dow. Following the Packers' three Super Bowl Championships, the market has increased, gaining 6.2% in 1967, 9.4% in 1968, and 18.6% in 1997. With increasing positive gains after each Packers' title, the market has shown its love for the team from Green Bay. And any love of the market is a friend of mine.

The Green Bay Packers have my endorsement in the 2007 NFL Playoffs.

Go Pack.

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Primary Sources:
Super Bowl Stock Superstition, Forbes.com.

Can a Super Bowl Victory Predict a Stock Market Rally? T. Rowe Price Investor, December 2007.

The Super Bowl Indicator, Snopes.com

AFL-NFL Merger, Wikipedia.org

Wall Street Wraps Up 07 in Somber Mood, Yahoo.com

Dow Jones Industrial Adjusted Close, data360.org (used for 1967 and 1968 data only).

Image from dennisflood.com.

Pre-Christmas Ponderings

And all through the Interwebs,
I'm the only one blogging,
all others are with family and friends.
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Here's a few things going through my head as I watch the highlight of NORAD's year.

In Defense of Scrooge 1 and In Defense of Scrooge 2- Some interesting takes on how ol' Ebenezer got a bad rap. Personally, I think it's curious how people spend all year pinching every penny, touting big business, rooting for how great capitalism and social Darwinism is, bemoaning Scrooge, etc. but come Christmas time they temporarily put that aside, whip out their philanphropic side and make an effort to be the most giving souls on Earth. How about showing that all year round?

A note on Peace on Earth: If we really had Peace on Earth, do you have an idea how many people would be unemployed? We wouldn't need a military, military contractors, military lobbyists, supporters, etc. We wouldn't spend our money on weapons and radars and missles and the like. We would have countless more unemployed youthes wandering our streets, washing our windshields, begging on streetcorners, or resorting to a life of crime. Do we really want that? So next time you wish for Peace on Earth, think of the soldiers, airmen, sailors, or Marines whose very livelihood depends on a certain amount of unpeaceful chaos.

Speaking of conflict, William Loren Katz of Counterpunch.org remembers the Christmas Eve 1837 battle between the Seminole Indians and the U.S. military. It was one of the first victories for the Seminole Nation and an important milestone in their reputation as the "Unconquered Tribe". (Note: My esteemed alma mater makes a big deal of the whole "Unconquered" thing.)

Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow with a special toast and a big announcement, but in the meantime, hopefully Santa is good to one and all and here's hoping his little buddy Black Pete doesn't show up and kick your ass.

Merry Christmas.

Hoops Gone Hollywood

I've also been peddling my wares and talking some hoops over at YaySports!. Throughout the year, the blogmaster of YaySports!, the Cavalier, has had both myself and fellow Epic Carnival mastermind Jack Cobra cameo while he completes the mother of all blogger-created basketball-themed movies, Who Shot Mamba? Tentatively scheduled for release in 2008, Who Shot Mamba? will tell the tale of the mysterious Mamba, who may or may not have been mysteriously murdered. Such details are mysterious indeed.

In eager anticipation of this momentous event, I've scoured the annals of cinema to put forth the ultimate competition: a team of actors attempting to be basketball stars versus a team of basketball stars attempting to be actors.

I'll admit this isn't an inclusive list, but these are the best all-round teams I could think of.

(Additional note: only one pick per movie. That was my rule.)

The Hollywood Hoopsters

PG - Calvin Cambridge (Like Mike) - Not too many actors like passing the rock, so by default Cambridge gets the call here.

SG - Scott Howard (Teen Wolf) - As a human, Howard was a mild-mannered pass-first, defensive-minded fundamental average white-guy guard. But as the wolf, Howard turned into an elusive scorer with a wicked first step.

SF - Jimmy Chitwood (Hoosiers) - One of the best pure shooters in basketball history, Chitwood was money from outside.

PF - Juwanna Mann (Juwanna Mann) - A tough position to fill. Not too many Hollywood stars willing to attack the boards and get garbage points.

C - Elliot Richards (Bedazzled) - The man broke Wilt Chamberlain's scoring record, had a quintuple-double, and played like a giant. Too bad he had the IQ of a door mouse.

Their opponents: the B-Movie Ballers

PG - Penny Hardaway (Blue Chips) - The movie that made Penny Hardaway an Orlando Magic guard. Not a bad NBA career, but never made another film. And for that we can thankful.

SG - Ray Allen (He Got Game) - I'll admit, I am like the only person in the world who hasn't seen this. But I heard it's one of the better actor-baller roles in movie history.

SF - Michael Jordan (Space Jam) - Before swatting Kevin Bacon and sharing his drawers with Cuba Gooding, Michael Jordan used to be a pretty good basketball player. Yeah, he is out of position here, but I couldn't leave Ray Allen off the roster.

PF - Dennis Rodman (Double Team) - In the rare basketball star in a non-basketball movie, Rodman kicks rear with the great Jean Claude Van Damme, not giving a van damme what David Stern thinks. And matches up well with opposing drag queen Juwanna Mann.

C - Shaquille O'Neal (Steele) - Sure Kazaam was a better movie, but I liked Steele, in a leave your brain at the concession stand and watch Shaq fight crime sort of way.

So who wins this epic battle of the silver screen? I'd favor the real athletes, but you can never underestimate the magic of Hollywood.

Notes from a Knicks Nation refugee

Nearly 1,000 days ago I became a refugee. In June 2005, I went into exile and left the Knicks Nation. The ill-conceived decisions of an incompetent regime drove me away. I could no longer endure the torment and the torture of rooting for the New York Knicks. So although I had over ten years of attachment, I said my farewells, packed up my memories, and walked away.

Whereas I considered myself a Knicks fan, I found myself wandering the NBA landscape in search of a place to call home. Unable to survive on my own, it wasn't long before I found myself in one of the many displaced fan camps throughout the nation. Within this refugee camp were many other displaced fans who had likewise boycotted association with their favorite team. I met numerous Clippers fans who couldn't stand Donald Sterling, Charlotte Hornets fans who couldn't find it in their hearts to follow the Hornets to New Orleans nor root for their new Bobcats franchise, and 76er fans who had enough of their organization's mismanagement. Recently, we have even had fans from the Timberwolves' and Sonics' Nations join our camp as a reaction towards the mismanagement of their respective franchises.

Although I still stayed in touch with other Knicks fans, both in New York and throughout the Knicks Nation diaspora, I grew to enjoy my new community. My fellow refugees taught me how to be a general NBA fan, to follow the league and watch the games, but not acknowledge the team of my home nation. Although there were times of despair where we would all miss our homeland, we were generally happy. We traded tales of former glory, bragged about our stars of yesteryear, and embraced the sheer joy of the game, all without the drama of attachment.

Despite the joy of living in a displaced fan camp, I secretly yearned to return to Knicks Nation. I dreamt of the day when I could watch Marbury, Randolph, Curry, and Balkman and cheer with my fellow Knicks fans. Alas, as long as the incompetent regime of Isiah Thomas maintained control, I would remain in the camp, left only with my hopes, dreams, and fleeting memories of days gone by.

Then, last week, a glimmer of hope. After the Knicks suffered one of the worst losses in franchise history, a 45-point shellacking by the Boston Celtics, I thought for sure I could begin planning my return. Gleefully, I packed my bags, rolled up my sleeping mat, and prepared for the long journey home. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Despite the protests of both the remnants of Knicks Nation and their supporting media channels, Isiah Thomas remained in power. Dejected, I returned to my spot in the camp, unrolled my sleeping mat and closed my eyes, dreaming of Walt Frazier, Bernard King, and Patrick Ewing.

I know there will be a day when I will return to the Knicks Nation. A time when I will have to say good-bye to the many friends I have made in the displaced fan refugee camp. Despite the sadness of farewell, however, the fall of the Thomas regime will be among the happiest events of my life. As I have planned for years, on that joyous day I will once again don my John Starks jersey, dust off my Knicks hat, find myself a seat at my local sports bar, and cheer loudly and boisterously for the Knickbockers of New York.

Remembering Ol' Dirty Bastard - An NBA Tribute

Today is the third anniversary of the death of the one of the most charismatic rappers in hip-hop history. Ol' Dirty Bastard of the Wu-Tang Clan was a hero of mine, an inspiration who stuck it to The Man and lived life on his terms. Ol' Dirty didn't make much sense with his off-beat rhymes and sing-song drunken ramblings, but in an age of overproduction and cookie-cutter YouTube hip-hop dance songs, the surviving work of Mr. Russell Jones serves as a beacon of originality, a lighthouse on a coast of commercialism.

So in honor of the rhymes and times of Ol' Dirt McGirt, I've hand-picked five of his lyrics, spread out over his catalog, and applied them to persons of NBA significance. Enjoy.

"My advantage on the M-I-C is the slang/ That I manifest so you could never hang / Obviously you know my name by now/ I done thrown stupid parties all through your town" - "Goin' Down", Return to the 36 Chambers (1995)

Only one NBA player seemingly invents his own slang and throws the most stupid parties. The same player who lives in his own hyperbolic chamber and cheats at Halo - the one, the only Gilbert Arenas. Arenas has many NBA fans, especially bloggers, sprung on his every word and will assuredly use that advantage come the All-Star election.

"The things that you learnt in class is trash / You can't do nothin' wit' it, I put you in the past" - "Caught Up", The Trials and Tribulations of Russell Jones (2002)

The NBA has definitely been rough for 2006 NCAA leading scorers JJ Redick and Adam Morrison. Last year both struggled to adjust their game to the NBA level, with Redick battling injuries and Morrison becoming a punchline on defense. This year, it is Morrison who is hurt and Redick is again struggling, scoring only two points all season.

"Screwface ya bitches put food on y'all / He won't slip, won't trip, won't ever fall / Bitch you better obey me, better not betray me" - "I Want P**sy", N*gga Please (1999)

Only one man in the NBA is more untouchable than Elliot Ness. The man with the Teflon rep and the smooth smile. The Billy Dee Williams of the NBA, Isiah Thomas. Although the Knicks have clawed their way to mediocrity of late, Thomas's reverse Midas Touch and ability to weasel out of a possibly career-ending sexual harassment suit and still keep his job will soon be the stuff of legend.

"Crews be actin like they gangs, anyway / Be like, "Warriors! Come out and playiyay!" / Burn me, I get into shit, I let it out like diarrhea / Got burnt once, but that was only gonorrhea" - "Shame on a N*gga", Enter the Wu-Tang (1992)

With the Warriors struggling out the gate and the Mavericks accounting for one of their losses already, you know Dirk Nowitzki is salivating like Pavlov's dogs at the chance to get his revenge for last year's playoffs. Supposedly, Nowitzki took a few weeks off of basketball this summer to recharge. Don't be surprised to see that his offtime pays off come playoff time and he looks like a man on a mission. Nowitzki isn't looking to get burnt twice.

"I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Wu-Tang is for the children. We teach the children." - the 1998 Grammy Awards

For all of Ol' Dirty's legal entanglements, his drug possessions, and his general disregard for the rules of society, there is one moment that showed the true nature and giving personality of Mr. Russell Jones. In February 1998, ODB helped save the life of a 4-year old girl trapped in a car wreck outside of his recording studio. This action allowed the girl to get into the care of hospital personnel much quicker.

Like Ol' Dirty Bastard, Ron Artest's NBA career has been marked with constant conflict. Like ODB, detractors of Ron Artest feel his inclusion in the league sets a bad example for the youth. However, this summer, Artest participated in a trip to Kenya to help feed underprivileged children in sub-Saharan Africa. Whether or not this proves to be an epiphany in Artest's life has yet to be seen, but it does show Artest too is for the children.

So R.I.P. to the ODB. There will never be another.