"You can get with this or you can get with that / you can get with this, or can get with that / you can get with this, because this is were it's at"
- Black Sheep, The Choice is Yours
But what if you didn't know where "it" is at? What if you can't make up your mind? What if you spent so much time thinking about which choice to make that both choices eventually passed you by?
You have now entered the realm of Buridan's Ass.
Buridan's Ass is one of those intellectual, sociological, philosophical dilemmas that originated from way back in antiquity. According to the almighty Wiki, "Aristotle mentions an example of a man who remains unmoved because he is as hungry as he is thirsty and is positioned exactly between food and drink". These days, French philosopher Jean Buridan is best associated with the theory, and a donkey has replaced Aristotle's human example. In the most extreme case, the theory posts that a donkey will die due to its inability to decide between two equal piles of hay.
Personally, I can't even begin to count how many times I have fallen into Buridan's Ass.
Three in the morning and I have the late night munchies, do I eat or sleep? Sleep or eat? If I eat, I'll be tired but might not be able to go to sleep. But could I sleep on an empty stomach?
Then, of course, there are the times at the grocery store when I am thirsty but feel the first inclination of a number 2 coming on, do I buy beer or toilet paper? If I buy the toilet tissue, I'll be even more thirsty after I take care of business. But in the time it takes to sip that sweet brew I could have a very embarrassing accident.
But the absolute worst of the Buridan's Ass incidents are those that affect my love life. There are those few times when I make eye contact with not one, but two beautiful women at a bar, club, or other social scene. Quickly, my mind goes into overdrive. Which one do I talk to? If I pick one then the other is out of my life forever. What if I pick the wrong one? What if the one I pick is a psycho hose beast? But can I tell which one is normal? Can I possibly determine which one will I click with the best?
I'll admit, my typical response to ponder for few minutes, drink another beer or two, flip a coin, say my eenie-meenie-minee-moes, and then finally ask the bartender his or her opinion. Usually that's when the bartender asks me if I am talking about the girls who just started talking to the guy who just bought them both a drink.
Yup, that's when I know I am an ass.
