Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been pooping myself.
I guess I have been derelict in duties of informing you of my life. To be honest, there hasn't been much life to talk about. I mean, seriously, look at me. I'm a baby.
But I do know a few things about what's been going on here at the Saloon. First of all, Wolter still hates me. He calls me "Hack the fifth son of Satan". I guess I am kinda to blame. A few weeks ago, ol' Chaim convinced Wolter to at least try holding me, for just a second. At first, Wolter gave me the evil eye and splashed holy water on me. But then when I didn't burn, he decided to take a chance and hold me.
I puked on him.
Then there are the interns. I don't know what's up with these guys. One of them is barely older than I am, one is a philosophical nut, and then there is Adam Blank, who put me in the dishwasher a few nights ago. I wish my motor skills were fully developed, I would have called the cops on him.
Again, I have to apologize. I tend to exaggerate a bit. Life in the Saloon is not as bad as I sometimes make it out to be. I get to drink free beer, eat as many chicken wings and fried pickles as I can, and most of the time the guys put me in front of the t.v. and I watch sports all day. Then I get a diaper change, get burped, and go to bed. Not a bad life.
But let me tell you, I have seen some strange things on the t.v. lately. Stuff that would make a grown-up poop.
First of all, remind me to never get involved with a crazy chick. The guys were telling me stories of Artuoro Gatti and Steve McNair. They said they were real men. Real warriors. Unfortunately, they were both killed by crazy chicks. Although I've never met a woman, I'll admit I am a little scared to now.
Not all of the bartenders are bad people either. I know I might talk about their bad habits and all, but the other day Brant Brown tried to teach me about the world outside the saloon. He told me all about the world's worst people. I was so scared I swore in my baby talk that I would never ever leave. Brant just smiled and said "good boy".
