On Rejection

Last year, during my incredibly arduous job hunt, I applied to over 150 jobs. Some I felt I was extremely qualified for. Some I felt I was moderately qualified for. Some I took a chance. Out of those 150, I had a few interviews and few call-backs. But not one offered me a full-time job.

When it was all said and done, my 15 years of work experience and 1.5 master's degrees had to settle for a $15/hr internship. Great opportunity and great people, but I was a bit bitter at being only recognized as an intern.

One year prior to my job hunt, I shopped around the novel I wrote while I was in Afghanistan. I pitched the book to agents and publishers. I looked up their profiles, wrote personalized pitch letters, and waited for months. Of the 40 or so agents and publishers I emailed letters to, I received four rejection letters. I got nothing from the other 36.

I knew publishing was going to be tough, but to not receive any interest out of 40 letters was discouraging. I thought at least one person would want to read the first few chapters. I was proud of my work and still want to get it published. After I finish my MBA I intend on re-engaging the novel and write creatively again.

Since my first crush in 8th grade, I've had my failures with the opposite sex. I once read that guys should think about lions in regards to talking to women. According to biology, lions only catch 1 of 20 gazelles they chase. They don't catch every gazelle. Likewise, every guy has his failures. But I was the guy who wrote an editorial in his college newspaper about carrying an unused condom in his wallet for four years. (Not going to mention how true that editorial was.)

(Come to think about it, I am glad it was unused. Because carrying a used condom in my wallet would have been absolutely disgusting. But I digress.)

The bottom lines is, like most guys, I've had my share of rejection with women. Women I liked who were not interested in me, women who were interested but not in a dating way, and women who were interested in me and I was interested in them, but the timing wasn't right. I'd suspect I'm not too out of the norm.

Interesting aside: while I was job hunting over the last few years, I've kept dating to a minimum. The emotional toll of the job hunt was too much. I didn't think adding any social rejection on top of professional rejection was a good idea.

But when you tally all these rejections up, especially over the last few years, there is a lot of failure. I've been reading a lot about creativity recently. Most "experts" say you have to know how to fail. Failure is part of the effort. Inventors, artists, and writers always learn from their failures. They learn what to do, hone their craft, and attempt again, smarter and more dedicated.

After several hundred rejections, I've become almost immune to it. The best part about having a heaping hoard of rejections in the past is when people try to coddle me through a rejection or assume I am upset about a situation. During those times, I just shrug. I'm more focused on finding what will work and learning from my effort instead of dwelling on what went wrong.

Rejection is a diminishing bump in the road. A crawling baby struggles with a bump in the road because it is not coordinated enough to navigate the landscape. To a baby, the bump seems huge. An adult runner leaps over the bump in the road without losing their stride. Even if the bump makes them lose stride momentarily, in two or three steps they are running at full speed again.

A conversation with Mabili about Kenny K

As part of my on-going project to chronicle the life of Tampa’s first hip-hop DJ, I’ve been interviewing many people in the Tampa Bay area. Although at first, I was interviewing people via audio recording, I figured video might be a better medium to share.

This my second video conversation on the subject of Kenny K. I had the opportunity to chat with long-time radio personality Mabili of WMNF 88.5FM. Mabili has been a good friend for a while and has been key in helping me align other interviews.

Explaining Leia's hug of Rey through PTSD and General George Patton

The first time I saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens I walked out of the theater excited, happy, but also confused. The whole movie was great, I thought, except for one scene. One scene didn't fit.

"The hug"


After Chewbacca, Rey, and Finn returned from Starkiller Base (sans Han Solo), Chewbacca helped with Finn, but Rey stood beside the Millenium Falcon. From the bystanders awaiting the ship's return emerged General Leia Organa. Leia walked past Chewbacca and embraced Rey.

At first this didn't make sense. Chewbacca and Han Solo had been friends for over 40 years, Leia was Han's former lover, Chewie and Leia have a history as friends, Leia knew Han was killed, so why did they not mourn together immediately?

The scene bothered me until the second time I saw The Force Awakens. Then I looked at the scene from a totally different angle.

On two separate dates in August 1943, General George S. Patton, one of the most decorated and esteemed generals in American history encountered two US military members facing "shell-shock", or as we call it today "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". These two young soldiers were in medical treatment centers despite not having any physical injuries. When General Patton asked them what was wrong, both answered that they couldn't fight any more. As a battle hardened officer commanding troops during a World War, Patton refused to accept that answer. In both incidences, Patton slapped the soldier, yelled at him, and in the second incident, threatened to shoot him if he didn't rejoin his unit. From the History Channel:



From what we know about Rey, before joining Finn and BB-8, she hadn't been off Jakku since arriving as a child. She hadn't been shot at, hadn't had to fight a Sith knight, never handled a lightsaber, and never been involved in the detonation of a planet. And it is very possible she had never seen anyone close to her killed and had another friend near death.

For Chewbaccca, the only thing new was the death of Han. He was an old hand at battle, having experienced war and its tragedies since the days of the Clone Wars.

After they landed on D'Qar, emotion probably hit Rey like a brick wall. Gone was the adrenaline of combat. Like the soldiers under Patton, Rey was tired, hurt, and confused.

Like a great military officer should, General Organa saw past her friends and saw someone standing by herself, someone she did not recognize (although there may be some inferred Force bonding). Most importantly, General Organa saw someone who might be suffering from the first symptoms of PTSD.

And the general hugged the young soldier.

Of course there was time for Leia and Chewbacca to mourn, and I'm sure they did. I'm also sure Luke felt Han's death from where he was. And I'm sure Leia and Luke will have a moment to mourn, whether on screen or in a backstory.

But at that immediate moment, it was Rey who needed support more than anyone else.

JJ Abrams shouldn't apologize for that scene. It wasn't "a mistake". From a military perspective, it was exactly what should have happened.

A Conversation with Paradox about Kenny K

As part of my on-going project to chronicle the life of Tampa's first hip-hop DJ, I've been interviewing many of the veteran performers in the Tampa Bay area. Although at first, I was interviewing people via audio recording, I figured video might be a better medium to share.

This my first video conversation on the subject of Kenny K. I had the opportunity to chat with long-time hip-hop performer Paradox aka Spike La Rock. Spike has been a good friend for a while and has been key in helping me align other interviews.

Chris Rock's hidden Oscar tribute to Eddie Murphy

Chris Rock killed the Oscars. Amidst his skewering of "White Hollywood" (btw, "sorority racist" = classic), Rock dropped a very subtle tribute to his mentor Eddie Murphy.

Check out Chris Rock discuss the new Rocky movie at the 7:08 mark:



"Rocky takes place in a world where white athletes are as good as black athletes. Rocky is a science fiction movie. There are things that happen in Star Wars that are more believable than things that happen in Rocky."

Compare that to Eddie Murphy's take on the Rocky movies in his classic stand-up special "Raw":



"Italians ... white people, period, ya'll go crazy after you see a Rocky movie because y'all believe that shit."

Then Murphy describes a scenario of a little white man attempting to fight a black man after seeing Rocky.

This isn't the same joke, but it is the same premise: that Rocky is a white person fantasy. Chris Rock didn't have to put that 30 second bit in his routine, but he did because it went with his overarching theme of race in Hollywood. But I bet even though he didn't acknowledge it, Rock knew he was updating Murphy's classic premise.

Of course, Rock's entire monologue was an extended update to Murphy's brief discussion of race at the Oscars, way back in 1988:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNAePAAYPrc

The Shady Shell Game of Internet Advertising

Four years ago, I worked as a business analyst for a small internet ad and marketing company. Coming from military intelligence, business analysis was a challenge, but one that eventually understood.

What I had trouble understanding however, was the company's business model. That's kinda important and was a glaring hole in my understanding of the position.

From what I could gather, the company made money by click revenue. They would create ads for companies, match the ads with website clients where the ads would get maximum clicks, then collect the money from the company dependent on how many clicks occurred or how many purchases the clicks led to.

I wish I had a flow chart to explain that.

My biggest question while I worked there was: Who clicks the ads? I don't think I've ever known a single person who clicks web ads on purpose. Too often, they are clicked by accident. They are more annoying than practical.

A few months ago, there was an article on Bloomberg.com that gave some insight into how the internet ad world works. The article detailed the dark, deceitful world of fake hits - hits created by bots and programs, not real people. Ad companies "buy" hits from unscrupulous middle men, and the company with the product has to pay. After all, they are the ones trying to sell the product.

According to Bloomberg,

The traffic market is unregulated, and sellers range from unimpeachable to adequate to downright sleazy; price is part of the market’s code.

The article cites Kellogg's as a company trying to cut out the ad-placing middle men. However, that might mean less views.

Ad fraud may eventually turn into a manageable nuisance like shoplifting, something that companies learn to control without ever eradicating. Advertisers generally see lower levels of fraudulent traffic by dealing directly with publishers rather than using programmatic exchanges. Of course, that also means missing out on the scale that automation provides.

The company I worked for called themselves honest and said they played by the rules. I wasn't there long enough to dispute that claim. But I never could put my finger on how their revenue was created. It never made sense to me.

On a related note, there is a growing number of people surfing the web with ad-blockers. Bloomberg also recently published an article on the growth of ad blockers. More and more people are trying to cut ads out of their web experience. I am of that group. My web experience is cleaner and faster without the clutter of internet ads.

Yes, there are some websites who forbid viewing with an ad block. They tell visitors to deactivate their ad blocker. To me, their content is not that valuable for me to change my browsing behavior.

(Interesting aside: in Afghanistan, I saw very little advertising. The economy isn't that developed and on the base the military controls almost all the messaging. When I returned to America, I realized how often we see ads. Most Americans don't even realize ads are everywhere.)

I know there are people who rely on ads to put food on their dinner table. They write and create and hope website owners will pay them a portion of the ad revenue generated from the page viewers the content brought to the page. To me, that's naive. Too many of these companies are using third-party ad companies who are buying traffic. It's not the writer bringing in traffic, it's the bots. And that's why websites such as Huffington Post don't pay writers. Because in most cases, the text could be lorem ipsum. As long as the bots click the page and the ads, money circulates.

It's all a shady shellgame.

Quick thought on internet bullies and wimps

Before the end of 2015, there was a post on qz.com entitled "We’re the reason we can’t have nice things on the internet". The article was about internet bullying and antagonistic behavior online. The phenomenon has grown beyond "trolling", and seems to be a permanent part of culture.

As the internet has grown from a place academics exchanged ideas, to a place where computer nerds toiled (when I came in), to a place where everyone has the same platform for expression, it's become a very harsh landscape. And while the bullies that get the most attention are the ones that use the most coarse language, there is one category of terms that I think requires discussion.

• "Don't be a pussy/wimp/bitch/girl, etc."


• "Grow a pair."


• "Tough it out."


• "Get out of your safe zone."


• Etc

This is a common refrain. Putting aside the sexist undertones of "bitch/pussy/girl/etc", let's dissect these phrases from a systematic approach.

These phrases assume "the complainer" should comply with the system as is. The complainer shouldn't complain about the system because the system is correct in how it works. It is the complainer's fault he or she is having a tough time in the system. The system is the best way it is and the best way it can be.

These phrases also implies the bully is dishing out "tough love" to the complainer so the complainer can survive in the system. Of course, the bully is at home in the system, or else the bully would be complaining as well. So the system is fine for the bully. The bully doesn't want the system upset because the bully exists in that system and the bully has power in that system. Rearrange the system and the bully might not have power anymore.

So it is in the bully's best interest that the "complainer" learn how to survive in the system in which the bully has power. The complainer may survive and be fine in the bully's system, or they may not. The complainer may even get power in the bully's system. Good for them, but it doesn't diminish the bully's power.

But the bully will always have power in the bully's system. And the bully wants to keep that power. The bully wants to conserve power, not cede it. The bully wants to conserve the status quo, not progress to another system in which the rules of power are different. Losing power would mean the bully can no longer be a master of the system. The bully can no longer determine the rules of the system or give people advice on how to survive in the system.

That's not good for the bully. A new system would mean the bully needs to understand new rules and new norms. The bully might not be tough there. The bully might cry. The bully would become a wimp. People might pick on the former bully as the bully struggles in the new power structure. Someone might tell the bully to grow a pair, stop being a wimp, or to tough it out.

And the bully can't have that.

Tampa DJ Kenny K at Huey Newton's funeral

Following Beyonce's Super Bowl halftime show, there has been new interest in the Black Panther Party. Unbeknownst to many, Tampa and St. Petersburg have their place in Black Panther history.

On August 28, 1989, the Black Panther Party laid founding member Huey P. Newton to rest. Among the pallbearers was Kenny Waters, aka Kenny K, the first hip-hop DJ in Tampa. From Sept 11, 1989 Jet Magazine:


The Uhuru Party mentioned in the caption is currently located in St. Petersburg, Florida and was founded by Omali Yeshitela. From the 1970s to 1981, the Uhurus and the African People's Socialist Party were headquartered in St. Pete. In 1981, the Uhuru Party moved to Oakland. This enabled the movement to be closer to the Black Panthers. This picture of Omali and Huey Newton is from asiuhuru.org:

In this background and during this counterculture connection between Oakland and St. Pete, Digital Underground was  formed and Kenny K first took to the airwaves of WMNF, Tampa's community conscious radio. According to hiphopandpolitics.com,

Digital started off being a Black Panther type group. They formed under the name Spice Regime with a game plan of focusing on Black social issues.. They even started to sport black berets similar to the Panthers.

Kenny K meanwhile had connections to Uhuru and pro-Black leaders in hip-hop such as Chuck D of Public Enemy and KRS-One. These connections made him a prominent voice in the Black community.

In my quest to document his life, I have not yet found out how Kenny K became affiliated with Uhuru. I have heard Kenny was close with the Panthers and the Nation of Islam, but I have not talked to anyone yet. Hopefully soon.

Shortly after Newton's funeral, the Uhuru House moved back to St. Pete, where they have been since. Digital Underground relocated to Oakland where Shock G met the poetic son of two Black Panthers, a young aspiring MC named Tupac Shakur.

And the rest is hip-hop history.

Star Wars links on writing, film studies, and bring arts to the military

Star Wars: The Force Awakens has been out for over a month now and although I have seen it three times, I haven't written a word about it. That has taken a lot of willpower and discipline. But before I write my thoughts on the new movie and dive into my predictions on Episode 8, I wanted to share a few of the best Star Wars articles I've seen lately.

What We Talk About When We Talk about Star Wars - Henry Jenkins

One of my favorite cinema and media studies professors is Henry Jenkins. I've written about Prof Jenkins before, especially in regards to his work on fan cultures. In his post about Star Wars, Jenkins first talks about how the movie has played such a big role in his life and in his studies. He then talks about what he likes and doesn't like about the new episode.

I want to write a Star Wars book. Who do I contact? - Jason Fry


I've written about Jason Fry before. A Star Wars book writer and a fellow Mets fan and baseball writer, Jason Fry is who I wish I was in another life. In one of his most recent posts, Jason provides advice to aspiring writers. While letting his readers know there is no clear path to writing for the Star Wars Universe - which may be a bummer for some - he does give advice for writing in general, no matter the audience.

Write because you love writing, not because of any one specific goal. It’s the love that will sustain you through the hard work of getting that track record, and carry you through successes and failures and good luck and bad. If things go well and you get some breaks, you might eventually be offered the chance to play in someone else’s universe, whether it’s a galaxy far far away or something else. And if not you’ll still be having fun and hopefully seeing a little success.

Amen.

Adam Driver Brings Monologues to the Military: Arts in the Armed Forces - Vice.com

Vice.com put together a very cool video about Adam Driver (aka Kylo Ren of The Force Awakens) and his efforts to bring arts to military members around the globe. I can relate to Driver's cause. While I was in Afghanistan, I saw too many military members unwinding by playing war video games. That's not unwinding.

Perhaps through Driver's efforts we can see more military members get creative in their spare time. Perhaps some might even construct a stage in an MWR tent and act out some improv or some stand-up comedy or some acting. There are many studies that say being creative is a great way to alleviate stress. That might be a great thing in a warzone.

When she's not laughing anymore

Lately, I've decided to start putting together some material for a return to the comedy stage. Stand-up was something I did from 2010 to 2012 and once in Afghanistan, but haven't done it since. I miss it. It was fun and creative and getting laughs and smiles was a very cool feeling.

For the first time in a long time, in middle of January I got on stage at the Tampa Improv Open Mic Night. My three minutes on stage weren't great, but they weren't terrible either. Enough for me to get my footing back and get over the first time jitters.

Along with the stage time, I am also concentrating on writing. I'm dusting off some old concepts, formulating new punchlines, and updating my material. I am also bouncing ideas off some friends to get their reaction.

Unfortunately, over the last few months, I haven't heard from a good friend who dug my past stuff and with whom I had years of hilarious conversations. Even though she wasn't a comic herself, our sense of humor was so in line, she got my jokes better than most folks in the comedy scene. Hell, she even quoted one of my bits on Facebook.

But where there was once a continuous stream of laughter and text message tones, there is now silence. A deafening silence. The kind of silence you hear when you tell a joke to an empty room. Or worse, the type of silence you hear when you tell a joke to a room, and you know they heard, but you get no response.

I know I will perform comedy again. I know I will be back on stage. Although I'd like every one of my friends to be in the audience when I take the stage again, I'd be really happy to see her there, laughing at my material again.