Humor as the great international connector

In 2002, Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire conducted a study in an attempt to find a joke that people all over the world find funny. After pitting joke against joke, he found that the following joke and the most international appeal:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

I've been thinking a lot about humor since I got to Afghanistan. Not only because I miss doing comedy, but because after two weeks working with people from all over the world, I am learning that humor, laughter, and a cheerful demeanor are among the most powerful tools to bridging communications and cultural gaps. Some of the people I am working with are of English-speaking nations, but most are not. But for whatever reason, we all seem to make each other laugh. In only two weeks, I've laughed with people from Eastern and Western Europe, from down under and the real-life home of Middle Earth, and even from Afghanistan.

One of the funniest things I noticed also was that some bodily odor jokes also translate well. In one of my first days here, one of the personnel from one of our partner nations told a fart joke at dinner that made our whole party laugh. And then a few days later, one of my European co-workers took off his shoes in the office. I counted no fewer than three people from three different country walk by and remark that he needed to put his shoes back on.

So stinky feet jokes are universal. I never would have guessed.

Word has also gotten around that I performed stand-up comedy. I've told several people how did what I did on the stage. When a one of the local Afghans I work with found out, he talked to me about Afghanistan humor, which is definitely far behind American humor in terms of showbiz. But here in Afghanistan they laugh at folk tales of Nasruddin, a poor Don Chixote-like character who reacts to situations with wit, wisdom, and an odd way of looking at things. These tales have been passed on for generations through Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Russia, Iran, Turkey, and much of the rest of Southeast Asia. Each Nasruddin tale has a twist on the end, some of which I have found funny and some that are definitely lost in translation.

Here is a Nasruddin tale:

MORE USEFUL

ONE DAY MULLAH NASRUDDIN ENTERED HIS FAVORITE TEAHOUSE AND SAID: 'THE MOON IS MORE USEFUL THAN THE SUN'.  AN OLD MAN ASKED 'WHY MULLAH?'  NASRUDDIN REPLIED 'WE NEED THE LIGHT MORE DURING THE NIGHT THAN DURING THE DAY.'

And here is another:

OBLIGATION

NASRUDDIN NEARLY FELL INTO A POOL ONE DAY.  A MAN WHOM HE KNEW SLIGHTLY WAS NEARBY, AND SAVED HIM.  EVERY TIME HE MET NASRUDDIN AFTER THAT HE WOULD REMIND HIM OF THE SERVICE WHICH HE HAD PERFORMED.  WHEN THIS HAD HAPPENED SEVERAL TIMES NASRUDDIN TOOK HIM TO THE WATER, JUMPED IN, STOOD WITH HIS HEAD JUST ABOVE WATER AND SHOUTED: "NOW I AM AS WET AS I WOULD HAVE BEEN IF YOU HAD NOT SAVED ME! LEAVE ME ALONE.

They are definitely interesting little anecdotes.

I'm sure as I continue in my year in Afghanistan, I'll find more pieces of the Afghanistan cultural and comedy scene. But for now, here are a few articles I found on comedy in Afghanistan.

Putting the Laffs in Laffghanistan - Splitsider.com, 17 August 2011

In Afghanistan, comedians joke their way to civic renewal - Christian Science Monitor - 23 Feb 2005

The Ministry Sends Up The Afghan Government - Splitsider.com, 4 Aug 2011

And here are a few on an Afghan-born, Florida-raised comic who returned to Kabul in 2001 and performed pranks and hijinks up until recently, when after realizing social progress was taking too long, finally moved back to the states.

This "Jihadi" is Armed With a Subversive Sense of Humor - Wall Street Journal, 19 April 2011

In Afghanistan, Performance Artist Packs Up His Bling - NPR.com, 7 Oct 2011

Aman Mojadidi - Good-bye Homeland - Slash.fr

The Joy of Taking a Shit

This poem was given to me by an individual named Richard L. Myers of Monett, Missouri. I went to Basic Training in 1995 with Richard and although I kept this poem that I believe he wrote, I have never heard from him since. So thank you, Richard L. Myers. Thank you for a brilliant poem. Warning: it's a bit NSFW and not for little old ladies.

The Joy of Taking a Shit

There are many joys in life it's said
Though none like squatting on the head
Your pants are down, your cares are gone
You've got a few hours to sit on the john
You lock the door, you smile - so bold
You hope the toilet seat's not cold
All of the cares of the world melt away
As you sit down to take your first shit of the day
The seat has a screw loose, you wobble, you totter
You hear your first turd plop in the water
You grunt and you fart, your piss starts to drain
You push it so hard you rupture your brain
You catch the first whiff of your brown steamy load
You feel like your bowels are about to explode
You drop the rest of your dump in the bowl
You wipe, you flush, the shit goes down the hole
You wipe one more time just to get the last bit
Yes, those are the joys of taking a shit
You hop off the pot and head down the hall
Oh wait, you turn around, you didn't get it all
You yank down your pants, put your ass on the lid
You check out your drawers - thank God there's no skid
A couple more turds come out - plop, plop, plop
You feel like this shit ain't ever going to stop
Your head is now spinning, for you have to choose
Between Time, Playboy, Life, or your own local news
You pick up the Playboy - the reading is better
and that's why the pages are all stuck together
You squeeze out the rest of your shit with a sigh
And reach for your new roll of T.P. - 2-ply
You wipe your ass and you say with a smile,
"Well, that oughta hold me - at least for a while."
You flush, wash your hands, and walk out of the john
Leaving only the smell of your shit lingering on.
As you march off to go to bed for the night
You know that taking a shit is All Right.

Jordi Scrubbings Elvis commercial for All-Stars Wrestling of Florida

All-Stars Wrestling of Florida was a wrestling promotion run by friends of mine. It was like we had our own little corner of the pro wrestling universe. Sure, that's not a great way to run a business and ASWFL did in fact close after two years, but it was fun to go to a wrestling show where I knew most of the wrestlers and the fans. After time, I even knew most of the staff at the bar where the shows were held.

Anyway, while ASWFL was doing its thing in 2009 I attended a Florida Championship Wrestling event and cut a short commercial for an ASWFL event. About a month ago, it surfaced on YouTube. It's not my best commercial, but it's here for history.

The Disconnect of Writing about Wrestling

(This was a guest post over at The Wrestling Blog.)

A few weeks ago, wrestler Austin Aries got into a bit of a twitter kerfuffle with With Leather writer Brandon Stroud. Aries apparently believed Stroud didn’t have the background to properly analyze Aries’s performance. TH wrote a reaction piece to the spat that lambasted Aries and tried to give credence to his own and Stroud’s work. As a fellow writer and wrestling fan, I wanted to opine and drop my two cents into the collective well of opinion.

Whereas TH disagreed with Aries’s position that fans don’t know enough to write about wrestling, I tend to side with Aries. There is a lot fans don’t know about wrestling. As an avid watcher of the Florida indies, I have often had wrestlers ask me what I thought of their match. More often than not, my perception as a fan is vastly different than what the comments they were looking for. I like spots or parts of the match that they might not have thought very important and parts of the match they think are important I might tend to overlook.

And that is in-person discussions with wrestlers. People who write about wrestling generally have an even great disconnect with the talent.

I believe because discussion of pro wrestling is so nebulous, writing about it is incredibly difficult. I would agree with TH that few do it well, but also say that few do it right. Because pro wrestling weaves between the worlds of entertainment and sports, writers consciously or not choose their perspectives when writing about it. In my opinion, 99% of wrestling writing done by fans could fall into three categories: Athletic, Entertainment, and Mark.

Of course, academics, historians, and others who take long-term, big-picture views could be fans as well, but they are writing to educate, not inform. Among these writers, I consider among the best Grantland/Deadspin’s TheMaskedMan, Sam Ford, and Henry Jenkins and the rest of the contributors to the book “Steel Chair to the Head” – which, by the way, I think every wrestling fan should read.
First, the “true mark” perspective. In the world of pro wrestling writing, the mark perspective is like narrative sports writing in the mainstream “real sports writing” world. As such, mark wrestling writing is written from the fan’s perspective and leans mostly towards the kayafabe side of wrestling. This is where most fans reside and where most are most comfortable writing from and relating to. It is not a behind-the-scenes view nor is it written from the view of someone with much experience in the ring.

(Side note: I’m a big fan of separating the performers from their characters when writing about wrestling. For example, calling David Smith as TH did a "cracked-out-of-his-mind British Bulldog" is misleading. The British Bulldog wasn't cracked out, David Smith was. Sure, using the kayfabe name is a shortcut to recognition, but unless it is part of the story, the element in mind (drugs) is not a part of the character of the British Bulldog.)

Entertainment-based pro wrestling coverage is something you don’t see very often. This type of wrestling analysis would talk about the kayfabe side from a big picture storyline view and also cover the wrestlers as actors playing the roles. It would discuss roles and how they should or shouldn’t be used. There are a growing number of voices who touch this view, but unfortunately many weave in their fan bias. Dave Lagana and many of his recent former WWE writer guests are exceptions to the rule and look at wrestling from an entertainment perspective.

Writing about pro wrestling from an entertainment perspective would be similar to how Hollywood media writers cover movies. You always hear actors, for example, referred to by their real names, not their character names: “Heath Ledger did a great job as the Joker”, for example. Writers who look at the art of acting may also say how well Heath Ledger captured the true essence of chaos as the “heel” in The Dark Knight as compared to Jack Nicholson’s looney portrayal of the same “heel” in Batman. In some cases, the writers might even be given credit for the character development as well. However, rarely do you see wrestling talked about in this manner, despite wrestlers playing different roles with different names in different companies no different from actors in different roles in different movies put out by different companies. Yet most wrestling sites talk about bad storylines and failed performances as if they are experts.

The final way I think we should see pro wrestling covered is through the prism of athletic analytical perspective. Comparing wrestling writing to other sports coverage, there are many sites that break down athletic mechanics such as baseball pitching motions. A simple web search of “pitching mechanics” brings up numerous sites that dissect motion, kinetic energy, force, and the most efficient ways to perform for the maximum athletic result. Another simple web search finds absolutely nothing on “pro wrestling mechanics”. Are there any sites that break down pro wrestling from the athletic point of view?

Imagine a site called “pro-wrestling-prospectus.com” mirrored off “baseball-prospectus.com”. This site would use the immense library of professional wrestling videos to determine who got the most lift off the top rope, whose clotheslines packed the most power, whose punch really would stop a heart. Of course, analyzing wrestling athleticism much be couched in the fact that some of the moves are not delivered in their full capacity and are designed to minimize injury. But there is still some athletic questions that can be answered.

Pro wrestling athletic analysis, for example, would determine how wrestlers are recovering from injury. Do they still have the same muscle explosiveness through their moves? What about older wrestlers? When do we know if someone has lost a step in the ring has to reduce their in-ring action for the sake of injury and performance? How much less effective has Mark Calloway become as an athlete since his debut as the Undertaker? Does he still generate the same power, drive, and physical energy from his moves? Are their wrestlers he should not be in the ring with as they or he might get hurt?

Physical analytical wrestling study and related writing could also help in scouting. Perhaps certain styles of wrestlers need to be brought up to “The Show” sooner than others. For example, wrestlers with a high-flying style such as Evan Bourne maybe need to be brought up quicker as they lose their athletic ability sooner. Big bruising brawlers such as Brodus Clay, on the other hand, could spend more time in development as their skills can be used through their 40s.

Without sites that break down athletic movement and the like, how do we know wrestlers are really “botching” moves? Are fans really qualified to pass judgment on wrestlers’ athletic moves? Are fans who critique pitching motions taken seriously without a body of expertise or degrees or a serious scientific background? I would say no. Yet we read wrestling sites that talk about botched moves and who talk about the moves as if the writers truly understand the level of difficulty that comes with performing them in from 15,000 people on live television.

In conclusion, I might be the wrong person to pass judgment on this. As I mentioned in the opening, I know many indy wrestlers and have talked to them about how to write about wrestling. I’ve read numerous sites try to write about wrestling. I like many of them. They are fun to read and add a lot to the experience and to the fan community. There are several great writers out there that I am sure some wrestlers might even read regularly.

Maybe one day someone from the wrestling community will cross over into the media world and provide first-hand perspective and analysis on the art of wrestling and what goes on in a wrestler’s head. This would give fans greater insight to the complex world of pro wrestling. Until then however, most of us are fans and should get used to hearing wrestlers quote the Rock’s famous line of “know your damn role.”

What Happens There Also Happens Here

I found two interesting articles last week on the overreactions of governments to speech on the Internet.

In Morocco, an 18-year old was arrested for posting an unflattering image of the king on Facebook. The government claimed the youth was "defaming Morocco's sacred values".  As a response, several Moroccans set up Facebook group pages and posted as many unflattering pictures of the king as they could find.

Meanwhile, in the land of the free and the home of the brave, two Europeans were denied entry into the United States after one of them tweeted that they were going to "destroy" America. Of course, the two enthusiastic travelers didn't mean they were going to send America back to the Stone Age, they merely meant they were going to party. But the all-knowing Homeland Security booted the pair and sent them back across the Atlantic.

Big Brother and The Man are watching here, there, and everywhere.

Making Job Fairs Better with Clowns

After being laid off several months ago, I did everything I could to find work. I did lunches with power brokers and went broke at power lunches. I signed up for new job sites and cited new job signs. I looked in nooks and crannies and looked at jobs for cooks and nannies. Nothing panned out short of washing pans and a hand-out.

Yet despite my own personal failures, I’d recommend all the networking, job sites, lunches, and the like to any job searcher. They all have potential, potentially. But there is one recommended job searching method that I don’t believe is effective in the least. One job searching method that is so horrendously ineffective, so overrated, and so flat-out meritless it is better to be unemployed than to get bathed in its embarrassing embrace.

If you haven’t guessed from the title of the post, I am talking about the Job Fair. The modern day sullen spectacle of utterly useless professional pageantry. A voluntary auction where people beg and butt-kiss for a chance to labor hard hours for The Man.

I’ve been to several job fairs since I lost my last job. From industry specific to general, they’ve all gone the same way: thousands of job hunters get dressed up, shake hands, hand out resumes, collect business cards, and go back to being unemployed. At every job fair it’s the same thing. Rinse and repeat and in two weeks, the hopes and dreams of being employed will wash away.

Even worse, half the recruiters or job reps I’ve talked to have told me to go online to apply or email them my resume. Then why did I get dressed up? Why did I struggle for 15 minutes trying to tie a tie when I could have been checking job fair sites at home while eating Cheetos in my underwear?

So being the connoisseur of capitalistic carnivals that I am, I’ve come to the conclusion that job fairs need to be more interesting, more useful, and more fun. They should be more than just meet and greets. They should be both practical and entertaining.

They should be more like state fairs. Everyone loves state fairs. Why? Because they are awesome. And job fairs need to steal a bit of that awesomeness.

First of all, job fairs need clowns. Lots and lots of clowns. Not just the step-and-fetch-it corporate clowns that are normally at job fairs, but real red-nose, rainbow wig, smiley makeup clowns. Job seekers need to be optimistic, right? There should be clowns to greet people as they walk in to the job fair. And clowns can walk the aisles smiling, making balloon animals, and shocking unsuspecting recruiters with hand buzzers.

Second, job fairs need cotton candy. They need clowns to give out cotton candy when job seekers walk in and then hand out more cotton candy as job seekers peruse the aisles of employers. Cotton candy is much better than the piddly plastic pieces of crap and grab bag garbage job fair sponsors and booths usually give out these days.

Third, job fairs need games. They need bottle toss. They need ring toss. They need duck shoot. They need the games that make state fairs so fun. The games that award giant stuffed Kung Fu Pandas and goldfish that die in two days. Games at job fairs however would give different prizes and wouldn’t cost the price of a token. Job fair games would cost only a copy of a resume and would award the player first consideration for any job they want to be considered for at any employer at the job fair. I think that’s fair fare.

Games need to be prevalent throughout the fair and held not by the job fair sponsors but also by each individual job stand. These games would be great icebreakers instead of the played out boring song and dance of “Hi, my name is ... and I am looking for a position as a …”. That is not only dull, but tells nothing about the person. State fair-type games would give employers insight into how competitive the person is and whether or not they have an aggressive killer instinct. Some companies might find killer competitiveness important, and some might find it a turn-off.

Another staple of the state fair that I want to see at job fairs is the highly entertaining freak show. Instead of the traditional freaks of the natural world such as the bearded lady or the world’s smallest, tallest, or fattest man, however, I’d like to see the freaks of the corporate world such as the woman who swims in perfume, the ageless man who won’t retire, the middle manager with the permanent brown nose, and the man who eats tuna for lunch every day. Some companies could even donate freakish absurd objects such as the coffee pot that was never cleaned or the fax machine that actually worked.

State fairs are also known for their pageants of pigs and cows and other farm animals. Job fairs should emulate these fair standards as well. They should hold secretary pageants or janitor pageants, for example. Secretary pageants wouldn’t be beauty pageants, of course, because those are sexist. Job fair secretary pageants would showcase real secretarial skills such as typing, dictation, coffee making skills, and the ability to perk up the boss when needed. I’ll let your imagination run with that.

Finally, no state fair would be complete without an elephant ride. And job fairs should also incorporate these amazing staples of mammalian movement. Instead of riding the elephant as visitors would at a state fair however, elephant events at job fairs would instruct prospective job hunters to pick up plodding pachyderm poop as fat cat CEOs ride atop eating grapes served by beautiful buxom blondes in bikinis.

Hey, not all jobs are fair, even at the job fair.

A Letter to Jimmy Kimmel from a Tampa Comic

Dear Jimmy,

May I call you Jimmy? I saw a guest on your show call you Jimmy. But I am not a guest. I am a resident. A resident of Tampa, Florida. And additionally, I am also a comic and writer here in Tampa. I've performed at the Tampa Improv a few times. Sure they were showcase shows and open mics, but you have to start somewhere, right?

And that brings me to why I am writing. I recently read that you had some not so nice things to say about the city I call home. Twenty years ago, you were kinda sorta right where I am now, a nobody in the grand scheme of entertainment trying to claw and scratch your way up at whatever venue or venture would take you. In your case, it was the Q-105 radio show. For me, it is comedy open mics, sports blogging, and freelance music writing.

So what's with the Tampa hate, man?

Sure, you are a big time talk show host and a celebrity with tons of credits and acclaim, but that's no reason to piss on your roots. There are many other comics and entertainers here trying to entertain and make people laugh, some of whom actually like living in Tampa or even claim Tampa in their biographies. Many would love to be in your shoes one day.

What you said about Tampa hurt, Jimmy. It hurt my heart. It hurt my soul. It hurt some places only the strippers in Tampa can make better.

Like you, I've had some bad times here in Tampa. I had my car broke into, I've had friends assaulted, I've lost two jobs. I even got food poisoning. But you know what, I still like it here. And if I ever make it big, I'm not going to bad mouth a city over a few bad experiences.

That said, Jimmy, I would like to extend an invitation to you to come back to Tampa and check out what we have going on and maybe tell us how we can be better. I'd like to see you help, not hurt, Jimmy. Unfortunately, however, I will not be in town for the next year. The economy here is so bad for people with my skill set that after almost a year of being unemployed, I had to find a job in Afghanistan. So I'll be there.

But, in closing, Jimmy, if I could call you Jimmy, I wish you the best with your show and I hope someone else makes it from Tampa, someone who is a little nicer to their humble beginnings. Like my great-granddaddy once said, you can't grow a good mullet if you pull out all your roots.

(Ok, he didn't actually say that. But it sounded cool.)

Why TNA Doesn't Fit in Orlando

(This post was originally published on The Wrestling Blog.)

TH posted an interesting article recently about Impact’s crowd problem in Orlando. As a Florida wrestling fan, I couldn’t agree more that Universal City Walk is no longer the best place for Impact Wrestling. Here are 6 reasons why Impact should take its show on the road permanently.

1. Orlando is a saturated market. Central Florida is a pro wrestling fan’s mecca. Seeing pro wrestling of any level isn't big news in Florida. There are no less than 10 wrestling federations spanning the I-4 corridor from Orlando to Tampa. Short of Wed, there is wrestling every day of the week in FL, whether on TV or in person. There is RAW to watch on Monday, Impact taping in Orlando on Tuesday, FCW in Tampa on Thursday, Smackdown to watch on Friday, several indy shows on Saturday, and a couple of indy shows on Sunday. Fans don’t have the energy to be hyped for every show.

2. Orlando area wrestling fans are spoiled. Back in day, seeing Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, and other greats was a big deal. They only wrestled on occasion at certain big events. That manor of booking and storylines kept the marquee names fresh. Today, Hulk Hogan is nothing special to Central Florida fans. If they aren’t seeing him in the Clearwater area, they are seeing him on commercials, or at Impact every week. Same with the dozens of other big names at Impact. There is no draw power.

3. Most of the wrestlers live locally, so there is little motivation to hustle. So many of the talent at Impact looks flat. Maybe they aren’t hungry.

4. The show is free. While free is great for the wallet, there is not the motivation for fans to put as enthusiasm or emotion into a show fans spend their hard earned money on. I can’t guarantee this, but I think fans are more likely to cheer when they have a financial investment in the event.

5. No one goes to events in Florida. I’m a huge Rays fan and as much as I hate to say this, it’s true. Floridians just don’t go to sporting events. They only pack special events such as Super Bowls and All-Star Games or bowl games. There are several theories on this, from the economy to Southern attitudes to the notion that there is too much entertainment in Florida. Whatever the case, Floridians don’t get hyped over events like people in other regional areas.

6. No local attachment - Back in the days of Dusty Rhodes, wrestling in Florida was branded as such. It was Championship Wrestling of FLORIDA. Fans associated with the wrestlers and, more importantly, the organization. It represented their state. Impact, on the other hand, suffers locally from its generic name. "Impact" doesn't associate with anywhere, even if a majority of the wrestlers live in Florida. Florida wrestling fans have to share the Impact brand with the world, even though they are the fan representatives of the brand.

Granted, other Florida-attached organizations such as FCW and the minor league baseball teams don't draw based on civic pride, but these are feeder organizations. Although the pro sports teams often fail to draw, people are proud to be Orlando Magic fans, Tampa Bay Lightning fans, Miami Dolphin fans, etc. Impact might turn off national or global fans by being the "Florida Wrestling Alliance" or something like that, but as long as they perform predominantly in front of Florida fans, a name change that pulls the local heart strings might not be a bad idea.

Disclaimer: Although I have had numerous invites, I have never been to an Impact show. There are several reasons for this:

1. Between Afa the Wild Samoan’s WXW, FCW in Tampa, and watching RAW, I’m wrestled out.

2. Impact just isn’t a big enough draw for me. I’m not a fan of old talent and we all know Impact’s problem with promoting their younger, original talent.

3. Traffic is a bitch. Driving from Tampa to Orlando between 5-7pm is an hour and a half exercise in frustration. Without a high speed rail or other public transportation to move people quickly and efficiently, Impact fans outside of Orlando have to struggle against gridlock to make a show. Not my idea of fun.

Video of Camp Bedrock, Bosnia

Yesterday I posted an article I wrote about my time at Camp Bedrock in Bosnia in 1998-99. While I was posting it I googled "Camp Bedrock" and found this really cool video. While not as cool as "Flash vs The Aliens" (humble brag), it is pretty awesome and brought back some very cool memories.

Chowtime at Bedrock

Here is another essay I wrote 10 years ago for an Article and Essay class. It is about my experiences while deployed to Bosnia-Herzegovina in 1998-99. Being that I am headed for another long trip working with the military, I think it is fitting to post this here now.

Everything was in place for a good meal: good food, good conversations, good people, and machine guns.  The fortunate, like me, had 9mm pistols instead of M16 rifles.  Thousands of miles from home, it was time to eat at Camp Bedrock, Bosnia-Herzegovina.

To this day I am thankful the Army knew the importance of food on the morale of a soldier.  The dining facility (aka cafeteria) was nothing to laugh at.  It was one of the few semi-permanent buildings on a makeshift basecamp on the top of a rock quarry.  Possibly its best feature was that it was open 24 hours a day.  Bland white walls with our unit crest –the 1st Cavalry Division horse head- posted throughout, marked its interior like a bad attempt at brainwashing.  In the corners of the dining facility sat two large screen televisions, permanently set on the Armed Forces Overseas Network.

We took shifts from duty throughout the day to enjoy a meal made by local Bosnian workers.  Usual American entrees graced the buffet-like area.  An array of vegetables, starches, and meats were on my plate as I walked out to the seating area.

Work in the command post introduced me to many of the other soldiers in my unit.  After a second perusing who was in the dining facility, I knew exactly whom I wanted to eat with.  I walked over to the long white table and took a seat on the plastic white chair right across from Sergeant First Class Smith, Uncle Kev to his friends.

Uncle Kev was an army “lifer”, with about 16 years in service.  A short guy, with a bit of an attitude, he loved to rub people the wrong way.  To his friends and others who may be fortunate enough to share his extremely dry wit, Uncle Kev was the man.

Sitting besides me at the table was Specialist Wayne.  Wayne was very unique, to say the least.  He was one of the few people I have ever met who called his beer belly a “Buddha Belly” and claimed it attracted women.  Wayne’s physical “attributes” didn’t end there.  He would often have trouble eating due to the fact that he lost his two front teeth.  This unfortunate predicament led Uncle Kev and I to dub him the OTB, or Old Toothless Bastard.

In the Army, everyone has their share of nicknames and I wasn’t an exception.  While in Bosnia, I was known as Lawdy Law (a play on my last name), Busta Zit (for a never forgotten large pimple I had on my forehead for a day), to the HEB- Hoagie Eatin’ Bastard (for my habit of getting late night dining facility sandwiches).

There was never any of the stereotypical military speed eating when Uncle Kev, Wayne, and I were together.  We would constantly poke fun at any target we could find, to include each other.  None of it was malicious; it was all good-natured fun.  Being quick with either a comeback or a new subject was a necessity.

Although we rarely went to the dining facility during prime meal time hours when the dining facility was packed with people, we were never alone.  Because of the around the clock nature of the US peacekeeping mission in Bosnia, there were always soldiers coming to and going from the dining facility.  These soldiers provided some of the most ample targets for humor.

One afternoon, for example, a soldier with an extremely large head entered the dining facility.  Uncle Kev was quick to whisper to Wayne and I that we should look to our left.  Whispering was a very handy tool used quite often when talking about people in our vicinity.  Sure enough, when we saw what Uncle Kev was referring to, Wayne and I laughed.  He did have a huge head.  Then Uncle Kev joined us in laughter, with others in dining facility left to wonder what was so funny.  Situations like that made it very hard to get any food eaten so we could return to work.

After our seven months being stationed in Bosnia, my unit deployed back to the states.  Although Wayne, Uncle Kev, and myself would get together to eat sometimes, nothing we said or did would compare to the times when humor got us through the day thousands of miles from home.