Eddie Griffin at Tampa Improv, March 2009

I saw comedian Eddie Griffin at the Tampa Improv Saturday night. Although I think I hurt the experience by watching Eddie Murphy's Delirious the night before, Griffin is one funny dude.

A few of the subjects he covered:

- Why the founding fathers were coke heads
- The true meaning of library (bury lies), congress (cons digress), and constitution (con institution)
- Why loud women are loud and why they don't get men
- The art of cunnilingus (normally I am not a fan of sex humor - too easy and extremely overdone - but Griffin was funny)
- Why the stage at the Tampa Improv sucks
- Why Barack Obama is a "black man's black man" (of course he didn't say "black man" - use your imagination)
- Why President Obama did Bill Clinton a favor by making Hillary Clinton Secretary of State and giving her a job that requires her to be frequently out of the country
- Why he only smokes cigarettes made by Native Americans
- What Bernie Mac and Richard Pryor are currently up to in heaven

Like I said, after watching Delirious I could see Murphy's influence on Griffin. And when Griffin went into his discussion of Michael Jackson's voice and its lack of manliness, it was almost as if he was ripping Murphy off word for word. Then again, in defense of Griffin, making fun of Michael Jackson never gets old.

My only disappoint was after the show when Griffin took off and didn't spend any time with the fans. Although I wanted a pic with one of the most famous characters to don a 'fro, I was lucky in that one of the Improv staff hooked me up and got Griffin to sign my Undercover Brother DVD insert.

A Response to Virgil Griffiths' "Music That Makes You Dumb": Part 1

In the last week, several people have asked my opinion on a recent study proclaiming that Hip-Hop, among other music, “makes you dumb”. This is the first part of my two part response. Today, I will dissect the study itself and tomorrow I will defend hip-hop against those who would use the study to show it is an intellectually lesser form of music.

The study:

According to Virgil Griffith, a 26-year old student at Cal Tech, certain genres of music can be associated with the average entrance exam scores of college students.

To quote Mr. Griffith’s methodology

1. “Get a friend of yours to download, using Facebook, the ten most frequent "favorite music" at every college via that college's Network Statistics page on Facebook (manually -- as not to violate Facebook's ToS). These ten "favorite musics" are perhaps indicative of the overall intellectual milieu of that college.

2. Download the average SAT/ACT score (from CollegeBoard) for students attending every college.

3. Presto! We have a correlation between musical tastes and dumbitude (smartitude too)!

Music <=> Colleges <=> Average SAT Scores

4. Plot the average SAT of each "favorite music", discarding those with too few samples to have a reliable average.

5. Post the results on your website, pondering what the Internet will think of it.

Ok, so if this scale was made specifically from data from my alma mater (Florida State), and the average SAT/ACT score at Florida State was 1600, and the only music listed among Florida State Facebook users was “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans”, then “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would rate as a 1600. If another school’s students listed “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans”, but only received an average score of 800, then “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would drop to an average test score of 1200. Hence, “the sound of toddlers banging pots and pans” would rank somewhere between Bob Dylan and U2.

(Actually, FSU ranked 265th out of 1352 colleges with an average test score of 1154 across 31,347 students with listening preferences of Jack Johnson, Sublime, Coldplay, Bob Marley, The Beatles, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pink Floyd, John Mayer, Weezer, and The Fray.)

Points of Contention:

As I explained, what Mr. Griffith listed was the listening preferences of the smart colleges versus the listening preferences of less academically prestigious colleges. First of all, he does not go into academic study. Of course, colleges specializing in classical study will have more kids who listen to Beethoven, the music linked to the “smartest scores”. On the flip side, colleges specializing in urban anthropology may have more students listing to Lil Wayne (889 average score) and Nas (1071 average score).

Second, looking at Mr. Griffith’s chart, I immediately noticed most of the music on the lower IQ side derives from African beats and influences. Of course, the most basic instinct would be to label this as yet another study supporting racism and minority intellectual inferiority. The website ThisIsRealMusic.com blasts Mr. Griffith along this assumption. However, TIRM fails to mention where or how Mr. Griffith got his information. They just proclaim he is a closet racist. I don’t think that is fair, nor is it a good way to do a counterpoint.

Where I do believe Mr. Griffith dropped the ball is in his title and its associated media blitz. In labeling his study “Music that makes you dumb”, he is opening himself up for comments and negative attention. The proper title of his study should have been “Music Preferences of Facebook-Using College Students Based on School Average SAT/ACT Scores”. But that wouldn’t have garnered him any attention.

Also of note is that several Historically Black Colleges are listed in the bottom quarter of Mr. Griffith’s school data along with their students’ music tastes. I have little doubt Mr. Griffith saw this trend emerging as he graphed his data. Here again I fault Mr. Griffith’s presentation of the data.

What does it say then about Historical Black Colleges that they score so low? Either HBCs are letting in students who are not stringent in their academic requirements or the students of HBCs are not as smart as students in the top schools. The latter theory can of course be countered by the idea that minority students (assuming they make up the majority of HBC student bodies) are not being prepared well enough to score well on college entrance exams. Some even go as far as to label the tests racist. So where does the bigger fault lie: in the music HBC students listen to or the school systems they come from?

The bottom line is that Mr. Griffith was irresponsible in releasing his findings in the manner that he did. He should have known the societal repercussions of his display. The fact that he attempts to cover up his naivety in the cloak of statistical impartiality does not hold water. And honestly, instead of playing with numbers and pinning music to test scores, he would have been better off trying to devise a statistical way for students to do better on their entrance exams.

By the way, as for Mr. Griffith and his personal music tastes, according to the FAQ he listens to Daft Punk (not on the list) Tool (1083), Radiohead (1220), and Metallica (1063). Averaging the available scores, and using his musical tastes as an indicator of his own intelligence, Mr. Griffith probably received an 1122 on his entrance exam. However, this would put him nearly 400 points below the average Cal Tech student, who received a 1520.

So either Mr. Griffith is far below the academic standard at his university or, if he did score among the average test taker, his musical preferences are not indicative of his intelligence. If he then is an outlier in his own study, why should we attach his system to any other test taker in any other school?

Saying we are supposed to correlate attributes to people when the creator of the attributes is such a drastic outlier is like saying a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, would want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks. It obviously does not not make sense.

The five albums that shaped my ear

Tim Niland of the blog Music and More listed the five albums that Shaped His Listening Habits. I always learn a lot from Tim's blog of mostly jazz and blues reviews, and this time he lists some absolute classics like Miles Davis and John Coltrane.

In return, here is my personal list of five albums that molded my listening:

1) Soundgarden - Superunknown: This was my first rock album and set the tone for the type of rock I like. Between this and Pearl Jam's Ten, I developed my rock sensibility around the "grunge" sound.

2) Public Enemy - Apocalypse 91 ... The Enemy Strikes Black: This was among my first rap albums. When I first got into listening to rap I bought Heavy D and the Boyz, the Fresh Prince, and Public Enemy. Right off the bat I knew PE definitely had more to say than Will Smith and the Heavster. As I was just getting into politics, for some reason I gravitated to the realism of Chuck D. Not a bad decision for a 14-year old white kid from the suburbs who, embarrassingly enough, used to watch and read Rush Limbaugh regularly. (Then again, I was only 14. What did I know?)

3) Jimi Hendrix - Blues: This album got me into the blues. True story: way back in early 1996, I was on an overnight flight from Phoenix to Tampa. During one of the late night hours, I plugged my headphones into the armrest and started flipping through the airline music channels. On one of the channels I heard the DJ say something about Jimi Hendrix and Booker T and the MGs, then he plays Jimi's version of "Born Under a Bad Sign", which is still my favorite track on the CD. Needless to say, I made it my goal to find that song and this album. I still think it was a message from somewhere that at that particular moment I plugged in and that DJ introduced me to one of my favorite albums.

4) Clutch - Clutch: After a few years of listening mostly to gangsta rap (I went from PE to Ice Cube to Snoop and Dre), this album was one of two to get me back into rock (the other is number 5). Clutch's second album has a little bit of everything - catchy lyrics, stories of pirates, tales of aliens and conspiracies, and even one of the best stoner jams I have ever heard. It's heavy but not only coherent, but also intelligent.

5) Sublime - Sublime: I'll admit, this album has just about entered the realm of the overrated. I don't share the opinion that it is the absolute classic so many people suggest it is. The fact that every frat guitar player from Long Beach to Long Island has this in his repertoire definitely bugs the snot out of me. But Sublime, like Clutch, has a huge place in my musical history. It was the first album I heard that mixed rock and rap. Of course, the Beasties and Run DMC did it before Sublime, but something about the scratching and sampling in Sublime made me think that maybe I should check out some of that rock and roll stuff the kids were listening to.

Hopefully this list will get other people listing their most influential five albums.

(About the image: I don't know if it is from this article or not, but back in 2007, there was a Colombian guitar maker who was making guitars out of AK-47s. I'd like to hang one of those above the fireplace.)

A Forgiveness Poem to Bologna

So I was bored the other day and I wrote a poem. I hope you enjoy.



This poem may remind long-time readers of my stuff of a poem called "Happy Cows". For those who have only started following me in the last few years, I'll have to post that poem sometime.

Religious Leader Declares War Against Offensive Pro Wrestlers

Last week, the Islamic Republic of Iran announced its displeasure with Darren Aronofsky’s film “The Wrestler”. Iranian officials claimed Aronofsky’s character “The Ayatollah” was insulting to Iranian culture and portrayed the Iranian people in a negative light. Iranian response to the Wrestler was so negative, even members of Iranian Pres. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's staff expressed their concerns.

In response to the Iranian government's reaction to “The Wrestler”, the Supreme Holy Leader of Iran, Ali Khamenei, issued a fatwa, or religious edict, against all professional wrestlers who could be insulting or could have in any way insulted Persian, Arabic, Islamic, or Middle Eastern culture. Reports claim this fatwa will specifically by name target both active and former wrestlers and could possibly have the same effect that a previous fatwa had on author Salmon Rushdie, who ended up hiding out for decades.

According to a vague CIA translation of the fatwa, the numerous wrestlers mentioned by name include The Original Sheik, The Iron Sheik, General Adnan, Colonel Mustafa, The Sultan, Sabu, Sheik Abdul Bashir, and recent WWE Superstar Muhammad Hassan.

“They claim these performers have made a mockery of their people and their faith,” said one CIA worker. “Personally, however, we don’t see what the big deal is. Sure, Iron Sheik wore curled boots, spit on the American flag, spoke in jibberish, announced how great his country was, and badmouthed America. But don’t most Middle Easterners do that?”

Despite the threat of violence against their Middle Eastern-themed peers, many pro wrestlers are ambivalent or even supportive of the Iranian decree.

“Those un-American pukes never belonged here,” said wrestling legend Sgt Slaughter. “I spent my whole career trying to make the good ol’ US of A safe against pukes like the Iron Sheik. Good to know their own homeland doesn’t care much for them either. Maybe there is hope for those pukes over there after all.”

WWE CEO Vince McMahon was unavailable for comment.

Florida Today does not like the Noles

I wasn't going to write about the NCAA sanctions at all. As a matter of fact, this post isn't really even about the sanctions. It is about how one local Florida newspaper decided to cover the NCAA's decision against Florida State in a very biased manner.

This past weekend I was out of town visiting family in Melbourne, Florida. Admittedly, Melbourne is more than slightly pro-Gator and quite a bit anti-Seminole. Always has been, probably always will be.

(Useless fact: Eau Gallie, a community now part of Melbourne, was an original proposed location for UF.)

Usually leading the charge in Melbourne for all things UF and against all things Florida State is the Florida Today, the local newspaper, and more specifically columnist Peter Kerasotis, an unapologetic Gator alumnus.

(Background on Kerasotis: Will Leitch of Deadspin.com once wrote Kerasotis has an "obvious, pronounced man-crush on Steve Spurrier" and "a love for deconstructing college football offenses, which he does so poorly that even Pop Warner youth football players write in to tell him where he went wrong". Other bloggers have called him a "liar" and "the worst columnist in America" (by a Gator fan no less!). )

So of course, when I opened the paper Sunday morning, who had the only write-up on the NCAA sanctions? You guessed it, Kerasotis. And of course it wasn't an actual article, it was his column.

The print version of the Florida Today sports section contained no actual article on the sanctions (there is an article by Steve Ellis online). In print, there were no quotes from the FSU athletic department, no informing the reading public about the sanctions, and no attempt at an un-biased approach at one of the worst NCAA decisions Florida State has ever faced. Just a small blurb on the details of the punishment and good ol' Pete Kerasotis and his typical  sarcastic Nole bashing.

I thought the fourth estate was supposed to be unbiased in its coverage of the news.

No wonder the newspaper industry is dying. In the case of the Florida Today and Peter Kerasotis, the end can't come soon enough.

(Disclaimer: I have had my complaints with the Florida Today sports section before. It seems every time I visit Melbourne I find something else in that paper that tweaks my melon.)

Asher Roth Gin and Juice for the 17-23 white boy demographic

Recently I saw a video for a song called "I Love College" from rapper Asher Roth. Here is the video:

Now I must be getting old, but my first impression was "Wow, can they really show those images and talk about people getting drunk and having sex on TV?". My next thought was "Hey, what about the great academic parts of college? Like the libraries and the science labs and the stimulating intellectual discussions?".

Just kidding.

Actually, Roth's video reminded me of another great drinking tune in Hip-Hop history: Young Black Teenagers' old-school classic "Tap The Bottle".

Again, I kid.

Here is what Roth's song really reminded me of:

See? They are nearly identical.

First, they both have catchy choruses.

Second, both endorse their favorite alcoholic beverage (Roth: Miller Lite - Snoop: Tangeray and some Seagram's Gin).

(Note: Isn't ironic that Roth, playing the role of the fraternity stereotype college student, asks people to "fill up his cup", while Snoop, the gangsta from the 'hood, denies his people his precious gin? There is a social-economic statement there, I think.)

- Both mention the use of condoms (hey, at least they are advocating safe sex).

- Both videos feature house parties.

- Both show people puking.

(Another side note: Why do Roth's people seem to think another's misfortune is funny? One of Snoop's boys looks like he is checking on his sick friend. Who would you rather hang out with if you had one too many?)

- And last, but definitely not least, both have half-naked women.

(Not sure who the advantage goes to here: Snoop has the ladies from Compton imported to serve him, while Roth makes out with a bevy of buxom barely-legal beauties.)

I have to give Asher Roth and his marketing people credit. Fifteen years or so after Snoop's "Gin and Juice", people are still milking the party niche. Although Roth's album won't be released for another few months, I'll go out on a limb and predict it will sell well, especially in the 17-23 demographic. And best of all for the college crowd, it has "coverability". I would bet hundreds, if not thousands, of college bands are currently learning how to incorporate "I Love College" into their sets. Especially those acoustic guitar players who do unplugged versions of various hip-hop songs (check out "What I Got", "Boyz in da Hood", and "Big Poppa", etc.).

Finally, on a personal note, although I was normally adverse to the typical frat songs (John Mayer, Jack Johnson, Dave Mathews, etc), had "I Love College" been released six years ago (egads, that long!) I'll admit I think I would have been all into Asher Roth.

Checking out Buridan's Ass

"You can get with this or you can get with that / you can get with this, or can get with that / you can get with this, because this is were it's at"

- Black Sheep, The Choice is Yours

But what if you didn't know where "it" is at? What if you can't make up your mind? What if you spent so much time thinking about which choice to make that both choices eventually passed you by?

You have now entered the realm of Buridan's Ass.

Buridan's Ass is one of those intellectual, sociological, philosophical dilemmas that originated from way back in antiquity. According to the almighty Wiki, "Aristotle mentions an example of a man who remains unmoved because he is as hungry as he is thirsty and is positioned exactly between food and drink". These days, French philosopher Jean Buridan is best associated with the theory, and a donkey has replaced Aristotle's human example. In the most extreme case, the theory posts that a donkey will die due to its inability to decide between two equal piles of hay.

Personally, I can't even begin to count how many times I have fallen into Buridan's Ass.

Three in the morning and I have the late night munchies, do I eat or sleep? Sleep or eat? If I eat, I'll be tired but might not be able to go to sleep. But could I sleep on an empty stomach?

Then, of course, there are the times at the grocery store when I am thirsty but feel the first inclination of a number 2 coming on, do I buy beer or toilet paper? If I buy the toilet tissue, I'll be even more thirsty after I take care of business. But in the time it takes to sip that sweet brew I could have a very embarrassing accident.

But the absolute worst of the Buridan's Ass incidents are those that affect my love life. There are those few times when I make eye contact with not one, but two beautiful women at a bar, club, or other social scene. Quickly, my mind goes into overdrive. Which one do I talk to? If I pick one then the other is out of my life forever. What if I pick the wrong one? What if the one I pick is a psycho hose beast? But can I tell which one is normal? Can I possibly determine which one will I click with the best?

I'll admit, my typical response to ponder for few minutes, drink another beer or two, flip a coin, say my eenie-meenie-minee-moes, and then finally ask the bartender his or her opinion. Usually that's when the bartender asks me if I am talking about the girls who just started talking to the guy who just bought them both a drink.

Yup, that's when I know I am an ass.

Why Disney is the key to economic recovery

The stock market is down nearly 50% since 2007. Hundreds of thousands of people are out of work. Doom and gloom have permeated every crevice of our national psyche.

We need something to pick us up.

We need a symbol.

We need the mouse.

As we all know, Mickey Mouse made his not-so-grand arrival in 1928 in the cartoon Steamboat Willie. Before Mickey's first birthday, America spiraled in the Great Depression. Disney, the mouse, and the economy have been linked ever since.

In the 1950s and 1960s, growth was abound in America and the Disney Empire was riding the wave to prosperity. People were happy, jobs were plentiful, and the Mickey Mouse Show was a staple. Life in America was good and Disney was one of the most trusted and successful names in the nation.

At the height of this boon, the Disney Corporation opened Disneyland, a place where people could live the fantasy and hang out with Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and the gang. Disney World followed in the 1970s, and other parks were opened throughout the 1980s and 90s. Eventually, the Disney parks would grow to become part and parcel of the American Dream. They would become an American Mecca, a place all families had to make a pilgrimage to at least once.

It's time to bring those days back. It's time for Disney to again a play a central role in American culture. Although the media environment is much more competitive, our dire circumstances require that Disney again sit at the top of the multi-media magic kingdom.

The Perpetual Princess Principle

One of the most effective aspects of the Disney Corporation has been their ability to manipulate the minds of young children, especially young girls. Young girls are taught through the Disney Princess model that the finer things in life, the royal lifestyle, are all that matters. They are taught that the days they dress like Cinderella and other princesses, their high school prom and their wedding day, are among the most important days of their lives. Before, between, and after these dates, as the girls develop into women, they are instilled with the ideal that life must still be a princess fantasy. They have to attract Prince Charming, that tall, dark, and handsome mate. They must have a modern-day horse-drawn chariot, that high-end sports car or gigantic SUV. They have to live in a magic castle, a huge home in the most luxurious part of town.

Yet no matter how materialistic or shallow this princess ideal might be, it is essential to the American economy that Disney keep following this business model. As a matter of fact, it should be promoted and endorsed, perhaps with the help of government assistance or of celebrities and debutantes such as Paris Hilton or other notorious "party girls". With any hope, a new generation of young princesses influenced by Disney will become shallow teenagers and then materialistic women. Hopefully, they will buy, buy, buy. They will shop, charge purchases on credit, and exercise the best in American gluttony.

During a down economy, everyone saves, even the princesses. Reality impedes their dreams and they are forced to live within their means. We have to change this mindset if our economy is to get back on its feet. We need to push the Princess Principle. We need more princess-based movies. We need to advocate the materialistic lifestyle. We need our women to hit the malls, the high-end stores, and the boutiques. We need mass consumption.

We need Disney.

The Disappointment of the Apostles

Sometimes even the best laid plans go to hell. Of course, when this happens in our personal lives no one cares, but sometimes unexpected disappointment slaps the face of the famous. That's when people notice. That's when they ask "what if?".

What if Babe Ruth was never sold to the Red Sox?
What if Andrew Wood never overdosed on heroin?
What if Elwood Blues had never been locked up?
What if Jimmy Chitwood had continued his holdout?

After thinking about these situations and many others that affected groups (be they in music, sports, or anything else), I decided to rank them in order of disappointment. My criteria was easy: what effect did the big decision have on the future success of the group? If the big decision hardly had an effect on the overall success of the group, the "Disappointment Factor" was low. If, on the other hand, the group or the remaining individuals in the group were not able to recover, the "Disappointment Factor" was high.

So in a nutshell, Disappointment occurs when a person or group of people see their chance of success vanish with one swift stroke. That stroke can come from anywhere, be it trade/retirement of franchise player in their prime, the death of someone, etc.

Discounting any time a team ended up making the playoffs or achieving success without a player (Bill Simmons' famous "Ewing Theory") and avoiding those transactions that eventually netted replacements (i.e trades for prospects or draft picks that had a chance of working out), and also discounting college situations (sports stars graduating, leaving early), here are my top eleven Disappointments.

11) The crew of the Man Show when Carrolla and Kimmel left - The Man Show sank like a lead balloon with the guy from Fear Factor and that other guy. Hopefully the crew had their resumes in order when Carrolla and Kimmel left.

10) Garfunkel after Paul Simon left - I'll admit, I don't know much about Simon and Garfunkel, but I know more about Paul Simon than I do about Garfunkel. Someone had solo ability, the other, not so much.

9) The remaining members of Sublime after Brad Nowell died (including college cover bands who make their living covering Sublime's 3 album catalog) - Sublime's one and only major studio release went crazy platinum right after the death of Brad Nowell. And like that, the other two guys' chances for success went up in smoke.

8) Sonny Bono after Cher left - Granted, he was mayor of Palm Springs and made news when he was mercilessly murdered by an arbor assassin, but I don't think Sonny's career amounted to much after Cher went solo.

7) The Orlando Magic after Shaq left for Los Angeles - After making the Finals a few year earlier, the Magic were left with a hogpodge of marginal players and the inconsistent Penny Hardaway. It took the franchise nearly 10 years and the drafting of Dwight Howard to recover from Shaq's abandonment.

6) Krist Novelselic after Kurt Kobain died - Although he is blogging or something like that somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, Novelselic has to wonder "what if" every time he see a new Pearl Jam album, or sees Scott Weiland in a new band, or hears Chris Cornell working with Timbaland. Would Nirvana still have a place in the musical landscape?

5) The Lions after Barry Sanders retired - Surprised the franchise so much, they are still without hope.

4) The NY Mets franchise in 1977 after management traded Tom Seaver in his prime for a gaggle of marginal major leaguers and no prospects - In one of the worst trades of the last 35 years, the Mets traded their franchise pitcher for a bag of trinkets. Granted other teams have since traded aces for a palette of spare parts, but there is usually one shining token among the handful of coins. Met fans looked at the trade as an absolute failure and were forced to wait until Dwight Gooden's arrival to have any semblance of hope.

(By the way, has anyone ever taken a look at the expectations of the name "Dwight"? Gooden and Howard both carried sports franchises as did Evans for the Red Sox, Eisenhower led the Allied in WWII and then became President. If you are going to name your kid Dwight, be sure they know they have a lot to live up to.)

3) DJ Jazzy Jeff after Will Smith went into acting - Has anyone heard anything from DJ Jazzy Jeff since Will Smith stopped being the Fresh Prince? Maybe he is back in Philly spinning house parties. Meanwhile, his lyrical mealticket is one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood. Ever think Jeff calls to see if they can get the band back together?

2b) Mitch Mitchell and Noel Redding after Jimi broke up the Experience - Speaking of disappointments, the Experience were nothing before Jimi and quickly faded to Mike Tyson's Bolvia when Jimi broke up the band. Although Mitchell played drums with Jimi later, it was only for a short time before Jimi choked on his own vomit.

2a) The rest of The Doors after Jim Morrison died - On a related note, where are Ray Manzerek, Robby Krieger, and John Densmore these days? My guess is they are probably still milking the four years they played with Jim Morrison. Perhaps fans will eventually realize who the talent really was and that these guys really aren't saying anything new.

1) The apostles after Jesus died - Could there be a bigger disappointment? Imagine you are part of the most famous entourage in the ancient world. Everyone knows you are one of the 12 coolest people on the planet. You have your haters, but you also have your fans. People come from miles to see you and your crew. Then some ancient dickweed crucifies the leader of your posse. What do you do? Sure, you could write a few books like the guys in The Doors, but then what? You are not getting a religion or a national holiday named after you. People won't kill themselves in your name. You might as well go back to fishing, sheep herding, or whatever it was your were doing before you met Jesus. And if anyone asks if you were one of the disciples of Christ, just say "No", lest your mind wonder "what if?".

Am I missing anything? Is there anything else that should make the list?